foto time!

it's wintertime. i'm in hibernation mode. i am craving large-scale indoor projects. this happens around this time every year, more so as i get older. good thing i have a wedding to plan for and decorate!
yesterday we spent a good deal of time at william's work, working on save-the-dates (they don't mind if we use their equipment after hours, we provide our own ink, etc.). it's all designed! i must say that william did a very nice job. so we're almost ready to print and ship. i will be hand-addressing envelopes. . . i hope they look okay. a calligrapher, i am not. i used to have nice handwriting, but now that i take notes very quickly for part of my living, it has steadily gotten worse. hopefully i can access my super artsy side. . . which is not that artsy as many of you can attest (those that know me in "real life").
i am also undertaking a scanning project. . . of scanning in my family's photos. there are a lot of them, and i know we'd all like to have them, especially some old photos of my grandma and her family. i became obsessed with this notion, and with part of my christmas money i bought a pretty nice scanner on amazon this morning. also the photos could be used in a wedding slideshow at some point.
project undertaken!
it was kind of nice to work on things yesterday and today and feel marginally productive (yesterday i'd call very productive, today not quite as much, despite my trying). this month is going to be nutty. we're both in a wedding on jan. 19, so we're gearing up for that, plus my job is about to get super busy again (please no long hours, please please please). i did write two stories and do some editing, plus i cleaned a little and worked out.
oh yeah. that's the other thing. no big resolutions or anything but i am attempting to take a little better care of myself until the wedding. i'm not worried about my weight, but my flab has hit max capacity and needs some toning up. plus i'm hoping i'll get that anti-anxiety, positive mood thing that everyone talks about having once in a workout routine. i wouldn't really know--i worked out steadily the last two years of college, mostly because i wanted to avoid doing homework, and didn't see a whole boatload of results, but i guess idid feel more productive. and i had toned arms. and when i moved home, i did most of it myself, not needing a guy to carry all the heavy stuff. ok. so i probably had a lot of results. but i hate it. it takes a lot to motivate me, even more than the cellulite on my thighs. i do want to be able to go, go, go more. . . more energy would be great. . . i'd like to have less back problems and this might help, and my posture totally and completely sucks, so it'd be nice to stand up straight on my wedding day. so far i've run on the elliptical (surprising even myself with distance and speed, although nothing to brag about), and i have done some situps with a medicine ball and some boxing thing with weights. which almost killed my arms. we'll see how easy it is to get a shirt on tomorrow. no promises, just going to try to do better. and actually do it, not talk about doing it. twice already in the last week. . . will do more this week.
so anyway. i thought i'd post some of the fruits of my labor. i still need to post of my gifts and such. . . later date on that one.

this is one of my favorite photos of my grandma marion, who's my mom's mom, who died of parkinsons disease in 1994. i was close with her.


here's another of my favorites, with her twin sister and another friend. they are quite young. my guess is teens? she was born in like 1916.


another one of my favorite outfits she had:


ok, now one of my handsome grandpa, her husband. (maybe not her husband at this time)


oh, here's another favorite of my grandpa. love the fedora.



then, of course, one of her wedding day. i love this for so many reasons; my great-aunt fixing her train; they're not quite ready; the cocky pose of my grandpa, the cars in the background. and yes, she was tiny--4'11'', and he was 6'2''ish:


and, me, at age one. the glamour girl thing had already started.


more to come!

jitters

i have so much to do, i'm paralyzed. ever have this happen? i started the day with grand plans of getting a lot done, and now it's 5 and i don' have enough done, and i know i have tons to do and there's a holiday, and probable working late in the very near future, and i had too much coffee this morning....
i hate when this happens.

all is quiet on new year's day

i'm tired. i've been sick. i'm starting to finally feel a little better, but i've still been coughing myself awake at night. stupid. sounds like around the blogroll people have been sick over christmas. that should be illegal!
i have been meaning to post photos but i haven't had time (aka william has not formatted them for me yet). i have lots of fun things to show you, presents and good deals, etc. exciting! (I got three dresses on j crew's final sale for $130, including shipping--i think that's a good deal! They are adorable and will be perfecto for Hawaii).
i don't have much to say. . . being sick really limits your talkies. i am however reading special topics in calamity physics. . . it totally reminds me of a heartbreaking work of staggering genius (which i loved). i'm sucked in but not sure how much i love this one yet.
maybe i should start setting out my goals for 2008. i kind of like making those lists. ok. here we go. a partial list, not ranked.

1. make desserts from my new cupcakes and desserts cookbooks.
2. make more dinners -- hot dishes, soups, and inventive things. break out of our mold a little.
3. get married
4. get finances in order
5. learn to knit
6. find at least five new bands/singers/artists that i love
7. make wedding scrapbook
8. blog more and with more quality
9. exercise. at least a little.
10. be an even better dog-mom
11. take a risk or two. . . shake things up a little
12. work on the green living thing. . . expand past carpooling, earth-friendly cleaning products, and recycling
13. send more snail mail
14. read more books, i've been slower lately.
15. practice patience
16. get published nationally (what? if i don't put it out there, i'll never work for it.)
17. take a helicopter ride in kauai
18. keep in better touch
19. finally decide that i'm good at something—anything!there must be something.
20. enjoy the hell out of my 27th year on earth. my 20s are rapidly disappearing.

keep it down now, voices carry

friday morning, i woke up sounding like a man. like the movie big, only i switched genders. it was scary. throughout the day my voice went from mannish to the chain-smoking timbre of marge's sisters. by the end of the night, my voice was a squeak. i went home fairly early from a friend-gathering more because i was frustrated i couldn't speak over the din of the bar. i woke up saturday morning feeling like utter crap. throat swollen, ears hurting, no voice, a cough that hurt . . . this is supposed to be my christmas vacation?
we have been having problems with our upstairs neighbor, who has been significantly louder lately, both late at night (read: between hours of 12:30 and 2:30, or later) and also, strangely, in the early morning (read: 8:00 is too early to be playing christmas music and clomping around in your shoes, woman). friday night/saturday morning. . . 1:30 rolls around. . . and here comes the drunken chatter and horrible music blasting. it woke me from my mouth-breathing sick sleep, enough so that i woke william up to point out that she was having yet ANOTHER party. he was still asleep, oops. he said i quickly went back to snoring, and he laid awake, pissed that she was making noise and irritated i had awakened him to point it out. (note: I think i was kinda out of it). 6:22 am: my alarm goes off. the buzzer. i always wake to the radio. william had accidentally slid the bar over earlier in the evening. i was so confused. i hit the snooze, did some sleepy mental calculations. . . and had to wake him again to ask what day it was. "saturday." was the muffled, curt response. ok then! i got up and looked out the window. . . and it was raining/snowing. it was actually quite pretty outside.
when i finally was fully awake around 8:30, which is early for me but stupid upstairs drunk woman was up, clomp-clomping around, and i was feeling pretty crappy. i've endured several cases of tonsillitis, and so i decided i better go in to the doc's office before it got worse. boo urgent care. i mean, thank you docs, for working on crappy days, crappy hours, for people's strep throats or puking flus. . . but urgent care sucks regardless.
my wait was fairly painless since i brought a book with me, but the drive sucked. that rain/snow mix i mentioned? yeah. . . terrible driving. my windshield wipers were not working very well. thank god my doctor's office is in a neighborhood i could drive with my eyes closed.
strep: negative. doc's diagnosis? laryngitis. . .and maybe a virus? i reminded him of my excruciating cases of tonsillitis, so he took pity and gave me a z-pack anyway. he didn't want to be feeling guilty if i developed something else on christmas.
so i started taking that yesterday, and i do feel quite a bit better. (although docs, please note: thanks for finding an alternative to pencillin for us allergics, but could you find something that doesn't rip your stomach into shreds? respectfully, katie) although i did cough a lot last night, enough that william was waiting by the side of the bed this morning with a shot of robitussin.
today my voice has been returning, but i still have this damn tickle cough and i'm still fairly hoarse. i'm also cold, but that might be because it's so awful outside. we have a "snow and blowing snow" advisory. what?! lame. we don't handle the mn winters on the news like we used to. everything's an advisory these days (although, snow was snaking across the freeway in creepy, trippy ways today and i saw my fair share of spinouts in the ditches.) it's also pretty cold, and when you have floor-to-ceiling windows. . . it's drafty.
anyhoo. . . christmas shopping is done. tomorrow night: gorging at my sister's house. sweet. hope z-pack won't make my stomach so unhappy tomorrow.
also: why when i'm home sick do i not have a ANTM marathon or even the 90s countdown to watch? terrible tv today, just terrible.

i never said nothing

i just caught a second of liz phair on vh1. and can i say, that it was an awesome peak point to an otherwise low day? she is so sexy! and it was a 90s clip and the song made me heart race. plus. her music. goes right to my heart every time.
liz phair is one of my idols. i feel silly being 27 and saying that. but i love her. i'll never tire of exile in guyville....and i know that's so cliche. but it is a "rad record" as jewel was quoted as saying. it's so intricate, the lyrics are so good. whip-smart is great too. i even like her pop stuff (most liz fans don't).
i even wrote women's studies papers about her lyrics.
so imagine the total and complete paralysis that came over me when i was about 10 feet from her, and she looked into my eyes, and said, "hello!" and she looked genuine and interested and it caught me so off guard.
but before that happened. . . kilipino said to me, "don't turn around, and act cool, because liz phair is coming this way." i totally thought she was joking. but she was not.
i'm not sure what look crossed my face, but i had a physical reaction. i could feel my heart racing, my knees getting weak. like the cutest boy in high school suddenly noticed i existed. that's the closest thing i can use to describe it.
i was lucky to share this moment with two friends, kilipino and fatty.
some guy came out of nowhere and asked her to sign an album. it was about this moment that it was really liz. like really. i remember she said "i will, but i have to go in there [gestures towards tour bus] but i'll be back and do it then."
we looked at each other in wide-eyed surprise. we hadn't intended to be standing outside her tour bus, but we were without much realizing it, as we were playing the "what do you want to do now?" "i don't know," game. suddenly, here was liz.
thanks to kilipino, we got autographs when liz came off the bus. (she had a sharpie in her purse). we also got photos. liz asked US if we wanted to take photos. thanks again to kilipino, who is known for having EVERYTHING in her purse, we have photos.
seriously, liz phair put her arm around me, put her face against mine (imagine my shock, i was trying to maintain a respectable distance so she didn't feel creeped out), and we took a picture. i was rendered so brainless, i could barely eke out a thank-you. after the oh-so-sweet interaction, we walked away, shaking.
i called my brother, and left him a message on his answering machine, which started out with me talking quietly, but finished with "LIZ PHAIR TOUCHED ME!" kilipino called her brother, who upon hearing we had in fact touched liz phair, asked 'so are you reeking of female sexuality now?' why yes, yes we were.
we get into the car (fatty had parted ways with our crazed selves). we pull up to the first stoplight, where an unsuspecting biker is waiting for the light to change. kilipino rolls down the window. and yells. "HEY! liz phair just TOUCHED MY BEST FRIEND!" the poor guy practically fell off his bike.
if you know either me or kilipino in real life, you know once the idea came to us to yell this news. . . we couldn't resist. just once wasn't enough. poor people the whole way home (and yes we took some detours) were treated to us yelling this phrase over and over. we were just so excited, we had to tell the whole world. as usual, we were each other's best audiences.
we just laughed and laughed and laughed and shouted as if this maniacal but joyous yelling confirmed that what had just taken place was not some kind of dream. it was real. i laughed so hard that night it occurred to me that i shouldn't be operating a car. my stomach hurt, my cheeks hurt, tears were streaming out of my eyes. i can remember kilipino's infectious giggle echoing down grand avenue.
it was a perfect summery night in minnesota. it was our glory ride.

winter warmth

today i said: it felt warm out today.
and my dad said: yeah, it really did. well, it is 24 degrees.
something is wrong with the world when 24 feels warm. like winter.

working on finding fonts for the wedding invites.

it's been a long day. and i am not getting enough sleep.i am allowing my night-owl tendencies to take over, when i really, really shouldn't. mornings are brutal for me, under even the best of circumstances. i hate the lack of light.

i'm tired. i must lay down. i just felt bad; i haven't been blogging a whole lot since november ended. bad me.

every time i see you fall . . .

today i went to the airport and had my reunion (with two other very close friends) love-actually style, with the kilipino. she has been away since february, and so much has happened--and stayed the same--since then.
i was overwhelmed, like completely overwhelmed, when the tv lit up at the baggage claim and i knew for sure the flight was coming in. i started to cry before i even saw her. the tears started flooding when i turned around and she was running down the hallway towards us. it felt so good to hug her, to actually have proof of her after very hurried phone calls or hastily typed gmail chats.
the kilipino and i have known each other through a lot. we have been friends now for eleven years... since when our parents had to give us a ride somewhere. then through drivers licenses, proms, college, first jobs, life crises. she has always been there for me when i have fallen. she sings me songs on the phone. she cries if i cry. and if something goes well, she is right there, jumping and screaming and dancing with me. she is funny as hell. i swear that sometimes she has ESP. she knows the right thing to say or do, she picks up on little cues. her kind of friendship is so rare, something i am learning the older i get. i was talking to her mother tonight, and she was saying to me how important it is to have friends with history, people who will be with you through everything, grow old with you.
i have a kilipino-shaped hole in my life while she lives in paraguay, yet i was so for this, so want her to do this and succeed, wholeheartedly. i love how happy she is. it's weird to think that on my wedding day, she will be an eleven-hour plane ride (or more—to hawaii it'd be like 20 hours)—a hemisphere away. but i know i will still feel her.
i'm so lucky to have a few friends who fall into this category, who know me inside and out, who know my imperfections and downfalls, my weaknesses, and still love me. and consider me a friend to them. we have supported each other through ups and downs, be it outside forces or between ourselves, for a long time. today in the airport, i could feel it physically, a pull, my steps quickening, a squeeze, my tears, her tears, my friends' tears. it was like suddenly, seeing her, my heart ached that much more for how much i have been missing her, now having her close to me.
the emotions are so close to the surface today. just bubbling right underneath my skin, cells pulsating. tears at the ready. overjoyed. overwhelmed.
my cup runneth over.

the weather outside is frightful

long, wonderful day. christmas with the will side of the family. lots of good food, nice gifts, and baby-holding. will post details later.
tomorrow, one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world is coming home from paraguay after being away for ten months (it's just a short break, then she goes back). i miss her like crazy and yet it's been a pretty fast ten months. i'm so excited to see her. . . i'm too excited to sleep.

making sense

Just wanted to check in. Got some amazing deals yesterday at the mall. Will post pictures soon. Check this though: dark green trench coat with full skirt, black mod coat (both cheap, or on sale), beret, belt. Happy birthday to me!
Also awesome dinner was had: seared tuna, salmon, baked goat cheese, asparagus with balsamic vinaigrette, decadent chocolate cake. Sophia in a can for me. Summit Pale Ale for William. We had really great conversation. It felt like a date from a long time ago, that kind of energy, coupled with our history as a couple—
That's an interesting thought. We're really getting to a place where we have history. We have been together more than two years now. It'll be nearly three when we get married.
In the grand scheme, I know that's nothing. But despite the troubles we've both encountered in our short years together, we have gelled, more and more each day.
I never dreamed I'd move in with a boy six months after I met him.
Everything has moved so fluidly, so quickly, but also on this track that seems almost predetermined.
In any case, it was really just stars-are-aligned kind of day. We had fun, we talked about lots of interesting things, we flirted, it made me even more convinced that regardless of what other questions I might have about my life, William and I make sense. No question there.

it's my birthday too yeah!

they say it's my birthday today! i'm 27. i just woke up a little while ago and william is making me a red pepper and cheese omelette at my request. it is my day to do whatever i'd like. . . what shall i do? i'd like to visit j crew perhaps. maybe do some wedding stuff. and we're heading out to dinner tonight, i'm not sure where yet. we talked about the sample room, where i can get all my favorite things--little mini plates of food that are high maintenence (usually requires putting things together or lots of prep time in the kitchen), and they have awesome cheese plates, plus wine flights. we haven't been there in a while. . .
mmmm. not sure what to do with my whole day. . . what a good feeling.

engageaversary

today marks the day we got engaged in hawaii! we have already been engaged a year. it's actually a little hard to believe, but also very cool. or v. cool as i have been tending to say lately.
lots of stuff rocking and rolling over here so forgive the short post. i have a bachelorette to pull off on saturday and a shower and snow emergencies to dance around. . .not to mention a headache.
lastly, i have to mention the six degrees of separation to the mall shooting in omaha yesterday--william's aunt works in the store and was there when it happened. she hid in a dressing room. we have been thinking about her and that awful situation.
that's a lot of facts and not a lot of writing, but i must run.
happy engageaversary to us!

three and a half hours.

forgive me for not being personality-plus today. i had three meetings get rescheduled or canceled. i had to cancel plans with a friend. i had to go to the dentist. it took me THREE AND A HALF HOURS to get home today. 12 miles. 3.5 hours. almost all freeway driving. you do the math. add to that the seriously frantic need-to-pee feeling. mm hmm.
now: i ate some quick dinner, and am on the couch with william and molly. ahhh. . . i'm home. finally. and i'm fried, so we'll talk later. love you!
updated to add: I think also that someone told me I needed a makeover today. wow. way to crush the spirit, dude.

everybody's workin' for the weekend

hi friends. this week will be a crazy one, i can just tell. i'm overbooked already. and it's only monday.
i have been running all night and i'm wicked tired. my eyes are starting to close as i type this. so i must run.
but coming soon: the bachelorette party i'm planning. a bridesmaid dress story. how i love target. my just-thinking-about-all-the-stuff-i-have-to-do-gives-me-heart-palpitations month of december.

but for now: beauty rest. god knows i need it, with my two giant blemishes and wrinkles around my eyes.

twenty years of snow fallin'

yesterday the reports started coming in. the first real storm of the winter. now, just because we are minnesotan doesn't mean we don't get freaked out for the first real snow. they had maps, they had dopplar, they had the vipir machine going--a meteorologist's dream.
i figured, hah. it's never as bad as they make it. at 2 am, it was still not snowing. this morning is another story. it's coming down, and not in that cute, christmas-movie, snowglobe-y way. it's small pellets of snow, hurtling down to earth at a 45-degree angle. i took molly out. she loves the snow. the world sounds. . . insulated or noiseproofed when it's snowing. cars don't seem as loud, you can't hear your footfalls (unless the snow is squeaky), less people are out and about. it's kind of a cool non-sound, actually.
mo loves snow. she was prancing around and kicking her feet and shaking her body like crazy. cute to watch. when it gets deeper, she'll roll in it and stick her face in and look at me with nostrils full of snow. at least, she did last year.
william is at a friend's bachelor party in chicago this weekend, so i'm on my own with mo. girl's weekend! my sister and mom are similarly widowed, as well as my brother's girlfriend. (those guys are hunting.) i woke up this morning and the two of us girls were taking up the whole bed. we snuggled and dozed together without any morning people up and about. now mo is back to sleep on the couch next to me, and i'm contemplating my next, slow, lazy move. maybe make some coffee although it is 11:30 already.
tonight i'm going to see the chamber orchestra play. sister has season tickets with her hub, but he's gone, so i'm taking his place. we're going to stop and have flirtinis at pazzaluna, the restaurant next to the ordway. i'm just going to sleep at her house tonight so i don't have to do a lot of extra driving around in the drifts.
not a bad day/night for the first snow.
ps. so i missed two days for nablo. not bad for my first, right? one was due to internet error, too, so i tried to blog, but was thwarted. the last day? i fell down before the finish line.

no combination of words i could put on the back of a postcard

i guess i upset some of you with my foot amputation headline. i will try to refrain in the future. something you must understand about me. . . i tend to be dramatic, in case that hasn't been painfully obvious already. :) my feet are fine today after deflating and resting.
wintertime is upon us. i got a brain freeze today just going outside without a hat. also it causes everyone to make this terrible sourpuss face every time they go from controlled climates to outdoors. i am sad. i heart summer way too much. i hate winter. i don't like winter sports. well, that's a lie. i like WATCHING hockey--in my sweatpants on the couch. (see also: winter olympics) when it snows outside, i mostly just think about how it's going to be a pain to drive later. i like the holidays, so i'm not a total grinch. i just also like to be warm without wearing Cuddl Duds. and i'm always cold, so that is difficult unless it's above 75 degrees.
one thing i do like about winter is. . . lots of blankets! there is nothing better than putting pjs on and being under blankets, so many or so heavy that it feels like this comforting weight. ah yes, winter sleeping. there's a reason why bears disappear, people.
also, my hands, lips and cuticles are so dry. please have mercy on my skin this winter!
ok. enough cold complaining.
you know what i do when it's cold outside and i can't seem to warm up but i have to drive somewhere in my cold car? i listen to jack johnson. it's like a beach in your speakers.

foot amputation needed

it was long. and my feet really hurt. and at one point i thought that i would have to take my shoes off and walk in my stockings in the skyway back to my office. also, i fell down. will have to write about that tomorrow. i'm an idiot. it's funny. but i'm brain dead so i won't do it justice. so think about THAT.
must sleep. early morning tomorrow.
also, my mom rules. that is all.

blog blah blah

i'm boring, so bullet points today.
*i didn't sleep enough last night.
*it was EIGHT degrees when i got up this morning. i am so not ready for this.
*getting up when it's dark and eight degrees is near impossible.
*registering is underway! (crate & barrel and bed bath and beyond. target to follow)
*it really helped me to have a few days off last week.
*william kept complaining he didn't feel well, then complained of a sore neck.
*i am a little bit of a hypochondriac, so i called my sister, asking if he had meningitis.
*he doesn't.
*she laughed at me.
*his neck feels a bit better today.
*i love my dog.
*also, my hot dish turned out fantastic.
zasq (molly just typed that)
*i am not great with plants. but we have a christmas cactus in full bloom and it's shockingly pink and gorgeous and hibiscus-y looking.
*this pleases me to no end.

culinary master

i am not a culinary master. I will probably not be posting any photos really anytime soon regarding my dishes. but i am getting better. and if i have time and ingredients, i enjoy cooking and especially baking (the results are more fun). tonight was culinary all over the place. grocery store (where the cart got so heavy it was hard to take corners), home, make dinner (william did that), and make dinner for tomorrow night (and leftovers for the next couple days). you see, i made one of my mom's recipes, this homemade mac-n-cheese with chicken, pimentos, celery. . . it's so good. totally comfort food. and it makes so much that william and i can eat it for like two-three days. rock. so i did that. so all of that took my whole night. and now i'm tired and it's nearly 11 and i didn't get to read or anything yet.
such is life.

what is it good for?

war. . . hooah. . . good god, y'all. . . what is it good for? absolutely nothing!

so this morning i had a bit of an ick-o stomachache. and for some reason, jamba juice seems to help this problem, so i headed over there. on the way is a liberal arts college campus and there's usually something to see happening there. this morning a bunch of people were standing outside on the corner with signs. some carried peace signs, some said "honk for peace", some said "war$ kill kids", some said "time to impeach". it made my heart bigger. sometimes i wonder if anyone is paying any attention anymore. . .or if we've all become numb to the violence and tired of the political b.s. here are these people—and granted, it's warmer and sunnier today than it could be—but it's still cold and windy and they're out there, thirty or so people, reminding all of us that at the holiday time, there are terrible things that need to end.
i passed them again on the way back and honked. and as i drove down the street, i listened and watched in my rearview mirror, as every car that was behind me at the stoplight honked.
peace and jamba juices all around.

cleaning spree

whoa. i woke up this morning and intended to do the dishes and clean up the kitchen a bit. and that launched me into a full-fledged cleaning spree. i'm sitting ont he couch now, feel ing pretty proud of myself. bathroom? sparkling. kitchen? same. i organized/cleaned my closet, sorted some products into their proper drawers, put spring clothes in boxes to put downstairs, etc. we found envelopes and ordered them for our save-the-dates. william cleaned up some stuff too--we dusted and swept and all that stuff. if only the spirit would move us a little more often. . .
tonight we're going to see a friend play a little concert. right now, we're both recovering from cleaning.
oh: nerdy. last night we watched the miniseries of Battlestar Galactica. i was totally a hater before, but i gave it a chance, and i have to say, it surpassed my expectations. i will give season one a chance.
also: finished time-travelers wife. whoa, sci-fi week. anyway, totally wonderful book. i completely forgot about the time travel, in a way. it was more like unrequited love. . .sorta. anyway, it was so good and once i got about 200 pages in (it's a 500-something page novel) i was totally hooked and couldn't put it down. i think i'll start specialty topics in calamity physics next.
i have to stop typing now because momo the wonder dog is taking over the keyboard and my hands--she literally just put her paw on top of my hand. oh, my heart.

thanksgiving surprise

so, after i made my list of thankfulnesses yesterday, i got a phone call from a breathless best friend. the conversation went as follows:

w: hello?
c: did you get my text message?
w: no
c: what are you doing?
w: what did it say?
c: it said, 'what are you doing?'
w: oh. sitting here, in my sweats, on the couch?
c: are you just hanging out with william then?
w: i guess you could say that. he's playing video games. . .
c: ah. so. . . can i come over?
w: [insert it was 8:30 pm] sure. why? what are you doing?
c: just never mind. ok, i'm coming over.

ok. hm. my mind goes into overdrive. it's 8:30 the night before thanksgiving, she wasn't upset, so no crisis. . . what could it be?
she shows up, 15 minutes later, with her boyfriend in tow. i barely let them in before i ask, 'ok, what's up?"
she says, "exciting news. .. " and rubs her hands together. i have no idea what might come next.
"we're coming to hawaii!!!!
i screamed for real. i jumped up and down, we hugged and cried. it's an expensive trip. we had talked that she wouldn't be there. i had come to terms with that. it wasn't easy knowing that two of my bestiest friends wouldn't be at the wedding. (the other is in paraguay).
immediately, we start talking shop. the boys talk sports.
she couldn't believe i wasn't on to her. she had asked me lot of detail questions lately about the wedding, but i figured she was just staying the loop.
i'm so happy about it. i can't even describe.
so i guess that whole thing about counting on your happinesses brings more happinesses. i'm sure there's a saying for that but it escapes me right now. i'm too busy daydreaming about maui.
five months!

grateful day

i'm going to list my gratefulnesses early. so sue me. they are numbered, but not ranked. please don't confuse.

1. i have a darling fiancé that loves me. he also encourages me to be goofy sometimes, and that is such a good thing.

2. i complain a lot about money, but i am grateful that i have a good job that i'm good at.

3. thank you for health insurance.

4. i have been surrounded by strong, empowered women my whole life: my mom, my sister, both my grandmas, various other female influences (thanks to my high school and college teachers, coworkers, etc.)

5. i have not forgotten girlfriends. thank GOD for my girlfriends. i am so lucky to have each and every one of them. they each bring out different parts of me, but still we fit well together.

6. the men in my life: what can i say? i am a daddy's girl through and through. my brother is one of my best friends. he makes me laugh uncontrollably. william already got a mention. my friend fatty--we can talk about anything for hours.

7. i love that my little car, sideswiped as it may have been, is still cute--and most importantly--running! with little maintenance (knock on wood several times).

8. i can turn up the heat when i get cold. i also have a couple winter coats, scarves, and mittens.

9. i graduated from college. i have an education no one can take away from me.

10. i'm not afraid of public speaking.

11. i have a dog that is excited to see me, every time she sees me. even if i was just in the bathroom. god is that a great thing.

12. i haven't traveled extensively but i have traveled. i have been to aruba, new york city (w/william), washington dc, chicago, michigan, iowa (for cherry 7up, thanks to fatty), florida (spring break, cindy!), prague (with my mommy), hawaii, aruba. all my travels have made me a better person.

13. my mom and dad are healthy (again, knock on wood). this is obviously one of my sensitive issues, and i think about it every day. yay healthy!

14. my life isn't perfect, but a lot of it has held happiness for me. today's a day to focus on it. (and tomorrow). and always.

15. everything is going mostly as planned for the wedding.

16. dr pepper

17. coffee

18. my favorite thai restaurant

19. the nice people at my favorite chinese restaurant.

20. i live in a loft that is all ours. and i'm happy with what's inside it, too.

21. i've gotten to see most of my favorite bands live.

22. oranges, pineapples, tomatoes, cheese. and the money to buy them.

23. i can sleep like a rock any time i need to, mostly.

24. i laugh easily; the downside is that i also cry easily

25. i can call my family my friends; my friends my family.

26. you're still reading! i love all my new internet/blogging friends. i really do.

mostly, i am thankful for good health, loved ones whether they are related or not, and safety and security. when it comes down to it, that's the most important stuff, and i've got that in spades. so what if i don't have the latest designer jeans. right? right?

happy thanksgiving.i hope you have lots to be thankful for, too.

they say it's your birthday!

we interrupt this regularly scheduled programming to announce that our internet has been crapping out like every day this week. a nd it says check your router, so we do, and it works, and so we have no idea what the problem is. suffice it to say we are really out of the running on nanoblomo, sad day. . . i think i'm stealing internet right now from someone else in our building. . . and back to regularly scheduled posting. . .

happy birthday, my darling william!

we have had a long weekend off, which has been so nice.
last night we went to macy's and registered--holy crap, everything seemed so expensive. that is just a weird feeling to make a list of things we want that are expensive. having a hard time with that. we're also registering at crate and barrel (my favorite, and much more reasonable) and target. then we had dinner at big bowl, which was very good on both accounts.

this morning we started out with me cooking him breakfast. i made french toast with powdered sugar, oranges, and raspberry coffee cake and fancy sparkling juice. i burned the bacon into charcoal. . . oops. oh well. the rest was very tasty. then i think william's going to head out on a bike ride, and i'm taking him out to dinner at some point. he just got a hole-in-one on tiger woods golf that he made me watch. yep, this is his day.

it's gray and dismal here again today. cripes. and our internet is really sucking. but other than that, things are good, rolling along like they should.

must run.

sunday, sunday

it's been a classic sunday. lately i have been compelled to run around on sundays and get things done so that during the week i don't feel so harried. but i have monday and tuesday off, so i spent it thusly:
slept til 10ish.
read both newspapers.
ate a deluxe omelet made by william, with cheese, red pepper, and onions
read about 200 pages in the time traveler's wife--i'm totally sucked in (i'm sure i've put it down for the night)
took a nap (about one hour)
washed the dishes and did some general cleaning-up
shopped online (it's too cold and rainy and i'm too unmotivated to go anywhere)
snuggled with molly
gearing up for dinner

it's a gross november day here. totally gray (and now dark outside), rainy, cold, windy. i'm sleepy, despite my lack of activity today. tomorrow and tuesday: who knows! william's birthday is on tuesday, but we've agreed to do no presents this year because we're trying to save for the wedding. maybe we'll do dinner or something of the like. we should do wedding stuff: we've still not done the save the dates or registered. we did, however, book our lodging yesterday in kauai for our honeymoon! we are so excited. i think it will be a great place. ocean view, modern decor. south side. one step closer! now that we've booked our travel plans, that has made it even more real. we're really going! to hawaii! to get married! i'm so glad we've stuck to our plan.

the funky four corners

sharon jones last night: fantastic. if she comes to your town, make sure that you see her and the dap kings.
this is what you will get:
a heaping spoonful of shimmying, shaking, jazz theatrics, motown backup dancing, and aretha-like vocals. you'll get some humor, some carnival barking, a red velvet curtain and, maybe, a cover of janet jackson's "what have you done for me lately?"
you will get, i hope, a song in which she recreates all the dances they did while she was growing up in augusta, georgia: the jerk, the mashed potato, the funky four corners, and a few others i wasn't aware of. she will perform them, to a T, for you. you might get a stellar cover of james brown's "it's a man's, man's, man's world."
you will get the fabulous new song, also the newest album title, "100 days, 100 nights." we got delights off her last record, "my man is a mean man," "how long do i have to wait," and "how do i let a good man down," one of my favorites. she didn't play stranded, which is my absolute favorite.
we got a show. and it was $11. criminal.
if you love motown, sharon is for you. if you love jazzy beats, sharon jones is for you. if you smile at that baptist style come-to-jesus singing, sharon jones is for you. all the dap kings wore suits; one wore sunglasses a la the blues brothers. the horn section danced (the trumpet player was phenomenal).
but what i love most about sharon jones. . . is her confidence. this woman is amazing. she has this beautiful soul sista voice, so powerful. her arms and legs are so, so muscular and beautiful. she has not one iota of inhibition on stage, shaking her curves every which way. she knows she's hot. she rocked it. and she's over 50. yeah. you'd never know it. she kicks amy winehouse squarely in the butt.
tonight: shopping with one of the bestiest friends in the whole wide world. yay!!!

it's friday night (oh what a night)

ahhhh, friday. and i have monday and tuesday off!!!! fantastic. i'm sooo looking forward to this. i just finishedup a bunch of work and can make some dinner and get ready to see sharon jones at first ave.

if you don't know who sharon jones is, educate, baby! she is a soul singer that sounds straight outta motown heyday times. her backing band is the dap kings, who also backs amy winehouse. she has an amazing voice and is criminally underrated. this woman should be everywhere. i'm extremely excited to see her tonight. also, the $10 ticket price doesn't hurt.

it's been a peaceful day at home, working. i like working from home. mo has been snuggled up on the couch with me all day while i have been typing away.

uhoh. internet acting strange again. i better post so i make sure to get this one in. i'm so disappointed i missed last night. :(

more posting tomorrow. i'm gonna keep going anyway.

sweatpants lapdance

i swear i was going to post last night. admittedly, it would've been right before the deadline. but when i got home, my internet wouldn't work! so i am posting as soon as i can. our internet has been intermittent lately. that doesn't disqualify me, does it? :(

last night i went to my usual grey's and girls night--as you can probably figre out from the title, we watch grey's anatomy and hang out with the girls. i had a little chipotle with ang first, and then we watched the shows. as usual, there were lots of giggles and jokes and fun times. i have really come to cherish my thursday nights with my girls. it's like a little mood lift towards the end of the week, and because of the show's regularity, we make sure we're together regularly, too. it's a good setup. as you can see from the title, the main show of the night was a brief dance from one of my sweatpant-ed friends (we do not dress up for this; pj's encouraged).

ok, i must run, but there will be another post today.

random super fun mix (hope i fool you with the title)

today my mom left my mail (a lot of it still goes to my parents' house) on the kitchen table, as she was gone when i came to pick up molly and she didn't want me to miss it. on top was a ziploc tupperware thing, with a piece of cake tucked inside, with a note on top:
"something for you and william to share. heart, mom"
i pink puffy heart my mom.
mom, i don't know if you read, but you are awesome. it makes my heart bigger that you leave me little notes like that. you are the ultimate mommycakes.


*******

going to sharon jones and the dap kings on friday. thanks, fatty, for finding tickets.


*******

project runway in 16 minutes! woo hoo!


*******

sorry i'm a little boring today. i had an allday meeting.


*******

sent questions to our lodging place for honeymoon! one little step closer!


*******

i leave you with a funny photo of william and my brother, taken last weekend:

william and my brother:

everything you do is success

so, it seems that i and many of my same-aged friends are going through these crazy life evaluations over the past year. jobs, friends, lovers, life lessons. . . it's like a second adolescence, almost. and when i look around at all my friends i see so many good things: accomplishment, success, beauty, intelligence, humor, kindness, compassion, bright futures. we are a group of overachievers, and our success far outshines our age; that is to say, we've all accomplished so much over the past few years since college, and none of us are really giving ourselves the credit we deserve. we can look at each other and see the amazing people we have become, but we fail all too often to see it in ourselves. we are all experiencing these sea changes in our lives, wondering where to go next, what we really want to accomplish and how we really want to live.
i have always had a serious dose of self-doubt in my makeup. my success is driven almost purely by my fear of failure and some lucky timing. i always figured i wouldn't get rid of the fear, so i just try to step through it every time it hits. some days go better than others. some days have panic attacks. i have never been good with change. even if i'm miserable, change is hard for me. i'm working on changing that about myself too. and i look around at my friends and i hope they don't have the same doubts that i do, because i see how futile those thoughts would be with how successful they are. but i know that they do, because although our lives are taking different shapes, we're going through the same processes.
so i start talking to people about this late-twenties phase, sometimes referred to as the quarterlife crisis (although i always thought that was right out of college). then i heard about something: the saturn return. i mean, i'd heard of it before, but it never resonated with me because that's a long way away, right?
well, i'm knocking on 27's door (a little less than a month away). saturn's coming back for me soon. (i also figure for me and my friends that we've always been a little ahead of ourselves, so that might account for some early signs ;)
in case you didn't go to the link, or you didn't think too much of it, this is the part i want to highlight: "Saturn is symbolically/astrologically associated with time, challenge, fear, doubt, confusion, difficulty, seriousness, heaviness, and hard lessons, among other more positive things such as structure, significance, accomplishment, reflection, power, prestige, maturity, and order." My doctor just told me that nearly everyone around my age needs a good therapist. now, i can see why. growing up is fraught with all of these things, encountering ever-harder decisions and situations. . . but also rewarded with bigger prizes, which can be immensely satisfying.
let's see. . . for me in the last couple of years: my dad was diagnosed with, and subsequently kicked the ass of cancer. i graduated college (ok, it was four years ago), i got a job, i got another job, i lived at home, i moved out with my boyfriend after dating only about eight months, i got a lump removed from a scary, typical place (it was benign), i had tonsillitis three times, allergic reactions and a kidney stone, i had friends that battled sickness, i bought a car, i got a dog, i got promoted (three times), i traveled to new york and aruba and hawaii, i got engaged, i'm planning a wedding, i have worked long hours, one of my best friends moved far away, i made new friends and rekindled old friendships and strengthened my current friends, i paid bills and got cavities filled. it has been a hugely rollercoaster few years since college.
i met someone recently, a middle-aged woman, who couldn't believe that i wasn't 30 yet with my job. she was shocked at how much i'd done. it was a boost for me. i'm always thinking how i might be behind the curve, or how i could get further ahead. i focus on a lot of my shortcomings. and this woman was not a friend or family--definitely not required to say anything. i was like "yeah, hey, i've done some stuff."
but of course, it didn't take long to return to wondering about my what-ifs and what-whens.
i'm rambling here, and i know it. i'm not sure how to wrap myself around all these feelings and thoughts.
i guess what i want to get across:
hey friends. you are an amazing collection of successful people. stop being so hard on yourself. i admire all of you, for different reasons.
hey kate. stop being a jerk to yourself too. if you want to live to be 90-something, you can't have all that cortisol running around in your system.
also, hey kate. enjoy your moments. someday you will look back on this and wonder why you squandered your heady time with worries.

my veteran

those of you who know my political beliefs (and now the rest of you will know some) know already that i'm pretty opposed to war. i really do think that violence begets more violence. and i'm no genius, but i was pretty sure on 9/12 that war was imminent, and that it would be long and bloody. really, i'm nearly a pacifist. i know that doesn't work in the real world, but whatevs. i'm voting for peace.
that said, today is a special day. it's veteran's day, and my family has soldiers in it (ending with my generation). both my grandfathers served in WWII, one in europe, one in the south pacific. one of my grandpas met a woman with stigmata in germany, and my other grandpa was pictured in. . . crap. . . my memory fails. . . an important national magazine, while carrying out duties none of us should ever have to face. they were kind, decent men who went to war because they had to.
so did my dad. he was drafted when he turned 18 and sent to vietnam.
my dad is a hero.
he will never, ever, EVER tell you that, so don't even ask him. i'm telling you. It’s my opinion. And he’d be super embarrassed to hear it. And I know it conflicts wildly with my politics.
he went to vietnam, carried out his duties under the big red 1--charlie company--was wounded, was honored for his bravery, finished his tour, and was sent home honorably. a newsweek photographer happened to be following his company, and imagine my family's surprise when they saw his face on the cover of newsweek at the grocery store. (my family has a knack for media, i guess.)
he keeps his medals out of sight, and he almost never speaks of his time overseas, unless he’s telling me how I’d never make it in the army because I don’t like my food to touch on my plate, or some other benchmark of toughness I should aspire to.
But despite his relative silence on the topic, his experiences have left an indelible mark on my whole family, and I have a greater appreciation for what soldiers give up and contribute to our world. They are more than the numbers you hear on the news. They are all heroes.
A soldier who lived down the street from my parents was killed just a few months ago. In the paper this Sunday, they had a little profile about him. I didn’t know him, even though he was my parents’ neighbors (down the block), but when he died, a flag was flown outside, and lots of soldiers came to the house to honor him. He loved to make breakfast for his family and sing them songs. He learned how to quilt so he could spend more time with his wife. He gave his life for his calling (whether or not you feel that is just, or fair, or even in defense of our country). He sacrificed, and now his young family has, too.
And even if you don’t agree with the war now, there are all these soldiers—and the people affected by them; family, friends—who are awaiting their arrival home, hopefully whole, both mentally and physically.
I hope someday we get to a point where veteran’s day seems as antiquated as george washington’s birthday. . .some long-ago time, where we can’t even comprehend how people warred. (or, I guess, wore wooden dentures . . . ok, not a good analogy).
But until then, even though I oppose the war, any war, I plan to celebrate these soldiers and their lives. And my dad. Because he’s my dad. And he’s a former army man. And he’s amazing. And, really, he’s all about peace, too.

zine love

so, i work in the magazine industry. and i LOVE magazines. i can't get enough of them.
the first magazine that i remember truly loving was seventeen. my sister got me a subscription for christmas after hearing that i had been buying it on the newsstand. i think i might have been in junior high. sassy soon followed, and that became my favorite magazine. it was so fresh and smart. it wasn't all about getting a boyfriend and ditzy stuff. i remember one beauty article that made an impression on me--it was all about how much the editor loved cherry chapstick. they interviewed kurt cobain. this was my kind of world.
i have had other subscriptions along the way that have come and gone; mother jones comes to mind, the atlantic monthly. interview. spin.
now we have a schizophrenic collection of magazines coming to the loft every month: blueprint, metropolis, metropolitan home, details, espn, blueprint, entertainment weekly, glamour (after jane folded, i got the remainder of my subscription to glamour), elle decor. i buy instyle on the newsstand a lot; i buy bitch and bust on the newsstand although i should subscribe (did you know the magazines a larger percentage of money from a subscription, which is cheaper, than they do from newsstand sales?). i used to get the new yorker, which i love, but couldn't afford the renewal. i buy marie claire on the newsstand when it looks interesting or pertinent to something at my job. i get brides and modern bride, and i buy elegant bride on the newsstand, although those will go away after the wedding. don't worry. i plan to replace those with something else. . . perhaps real simple or body+soul, the new yorker again finally or domino. somewhere along the line, i got on some kind of mailing list where is tarted getting really cheap deals to subscriptions, so i just got one in the mail for a $12 national geographic. that's a good deal. i just also got marie claire, two years for $10, so i'll probably get that one too. they way i figure it, that's like buying three magazines off the newsstand, which i'd be likely to do over the next year or so, so it's worth it to me.
sometimes i dream about writing for national magazines. . . i don't know if it will ever happen on daily basis, but it'd be pretty sweet to see my name on national pages.
when i see a magazine stand (oh! the airport ones are my favorites!), my heart really starts to race. i love to see the new ideas, the old ideas repackaged into new ones, fashion spreads, beauty pages, feature stories i can devour. when one comes to our mailbox, i practically run upstairs and tune out the rest of the world while i escape into my little magazine-land. it's a living vicariously, a learning experience, a little escapism for me. i love to see things in magazines and make it happen for me without spending $1,000 on a dior dress. (of course, i'd love it even more if i could get the dior dress, but i can't imagine my lifestyle will NEVER be one where that's possible.)
last night i was at my brother's girlfriend's birthday party, where she introduced to me to her friends. her way of introduction for one friend was, "you have to meet each other because you remind me of each other. . .and you're both super stylish." i was really flattered. i love style but i always feel my wallet falls short of really being able to wear what i want (and that's not the couture stuff, it's like i'm always $80 short of what i REALLY want.) i know what my style would be if i could afford it; i see it all the time. milly is my favorite designer. but i work on buying classic pieces in nontrendy colors and hope i never get sick of black. anyway, i take a lot of cues from magazine stuff. . . sometimes it's a wide latitude though, i'm hardly a slave to trends. what i really love is 1950s and 1960s fashion. ah, i was born in the wrong decade!
anyway, i'm totally getting off-topic, and extreme home makeover (a.k.a. my weekly cathartic cry) is almost on. . . so off i go. but tell me, what are your favorite magazines?

hi kids.
not much to report today. just trying to focus on relaxing this weekend.
last night, william took me to our favorite thai restaurant and to see michael clayton. he knew thai iced tea and a little george clooney might lift the dark cloud over my head lately. rockin'! i was excited to go on a date. i even got a little dressed up with my new blazer and some ginormous gold earrings.
tonight promises more fun: a gopher hockey game with our friend fatty, followed by my brother's girlfriend's birthday party.
it's rainy and cold out, and has been dark and gray all day. despite that, we have managed to clean a lot of our place up (whoa, it needed it) and run a couple errands. at least some productivity!
ok, off i go. . . i know that's super boring.

tgif

seriously.


i have had a lonnnng week. when i got home, william was ready to go! we're going on a date! hooray! it's just what i need, and he knows it. now i get to get cute and go dinner-and-a-movie-ing. george clooney. yum!

also, could i love holiday collections of cosmetics any more? i doubt it.



(i was planning a longer blog, but we're hading out and i might not be home til midnight which technically would no longer be today. longer blog tomorrow.)

groundhog's day

So, do you remember that book "alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day"?
substitute my name. and make day plural.
unfortunately it's not something i should get into here, but suffice it to say i'm drained and tired and something like frustrated.
and that leaves me with no drive to do anything besides get busy at throwing a pity party and watch the office.
if anyone else wants to join me, i'm over here, on my couch, in my bathrobe, eating brie.

maui, take me away

i'm sort of at a loss tonight for a blog. i've been gone all night, again, and i have a flurry of thoughts i'm just not able to articulate at this exact moment. i've also been going to bed waaaay too late this week, unable to wind down, and it is making getting up in the morning pure torture.
i did want to comment on something nanette said (can i use her any more in this blog? you'd think she was paying me or something. it turns out i just enjoy her blog), though, which is that you probably wonder how i could possibly be an editor without ever using capital letters, or, even being creative very often. i'm still working on that transition between working-writing and home-writing, and i find not editing myself so much to be extremely liberating. plus i hate the shift key. as it turns out, i have crazy attention-to-detail skills when i feel like (or am being paid) to use them. (*i freelance, people, and i guarantee results*). hey, i have won spelling bees!
i'm so glad it's wednesday. this week is going ridiculously slowly. must. get. to. weekend.
wedding updates: we have booked our flight! we are getting married in hawaii and we have transportation there! six and a half months. that is coming up fast, when you consider december will fly by with holidays, work schedules, and my lovely kilipino coming home to visit from paraguay-land. we should really get going on registering, sending save-the-dates, and the like. like, really really.
;)

here, there, and everywhere

thanks for your comments on yesterday's blog. as usual, i'd love to refine and reword and all that, but it sounds like it resonated with a few of you. i love comments, it helps me understand what you guys are all about too.
today was a hectic day, lots of meetings and appointments, rounded out by a seminar presented by the campaign for safe cosmetics, which is something i discovered about a year ago and have been interested in since. i'm too tired now to recap that, but perhaps in a future blog.
some days are just like this; leave the house at 730 am and come home at 10 pm. i don't care for that schedule much but it was an info-packed day. now i feel like i need to shut my mind off and relax.
some of you know me in real life, and some of you just know my typed words. . . and some people i know in real life might not know how much of a worrywort i am. basically, what i'm saying is, i don't know how to relax, really. i mean, give me a beach and about nine days and by day seven i might be there. but i need to learn to relax on a daily basis. reading helps; zombie-ing out in front of the tv is vaguely helpful (but not really refreshing/recharging).
so those of you out there: i'm begging (so please don't leave me hanging with no comments), how do you relax on a daily (or weekly) basis. what can i do in a half hour or so? it can be anything, even if you think it's silly. help a girl out.

on grandparents

on the way home from the grocery store, i got to thinking. . . and this is the total word-nerd in me. . . why do we call grandparents, grandparents? after all, usually, someone who comes before or above another is "super". . .supervisor, for example. then i started thinking of how funny it would be if we called our grandparents "superparents" instead. it's like they are comic book heroes with extra-special parenting skillz! i had a good giggle, picturing my grandma with a cape with a big capital J on it. yes, i know. big nerd.
but i got around to thinking that i never wrote about my grandparent-filled weekend when we went to south dakota for william's grandma's funeral. i never knew his grandpa on that side; and it'd be a big stretch to say i knew his grandma. but i have gotten to know his mom's parents, and his grandpa makes my heart ache for the ones that i haven't had since childhood.
there is something about grandpas. i want to bake them cookies and make them flirt with me and have them teach me everything there is to know.
william's grandpa's name is ernest, let's start there. perfect grandpa name, right? he's 90 years old, has nine children, and farmed his whole life. i think he still would if he could. but 90 ain't got nothin' on this guy. his mind. . . i actually don't even know any 26-year-olds with a memory like his. he remembers being three years old and sneaking into his dad's sled under the blanket to try to steal a ride into town for candy. that was EIGHTY-SEVEN years ago, in case you need the math. he remembers his dad selling a car in 1925 for $50 and a bad cow. he can tell you all about all about the destruction and aftermath of leaving nine teenager-aged childen home alone on the farm when he finally took his first vacation with his beloved wife, betty. (". . .and the snowmobile, it was up by ted henning's house. . .") he loves baseball and bingo--although he says "that's not gambling, that's recreation!" and he loves his family. he drags out large photo albums and details all their accomplishments and relatives and goings-on over the years in his fargo-like accent (tinged with a kind of stoutness that must be the polish he can also speak). he's a master of the wink. he loves the ladies. the love that he has for his wife (and she has for him) brings tears to my eyes. they have been married for sixty-something years (i hope that's right) and it's like they're still seeing each other for the first time. they live each day trying to outdo each other in acts of kindness. it's the kind of marriage that i think everyone dreams of, once they realize that they too will get old, and hopefully they will still be with that person they fell in love with before they got wrinkles and arthritis, when they still danced on friday nights.
betty tells me, "you know, ernest tells me every day that he loves me. and sometimes he forgets if he said it or not, so he'll ask, 'did i tell you i loved you yet today? well, i love you.' " her eyes twinkle when she tells me this. "i guess that's why he had nine kids."
we had a good laugh over that. but i made this little wish that william and i could still be that in love that far down the road.
it's amazing, the marks that our grandparents leave on our hearts and minds, the ghosty way that i'm still tethered to mine after so many years of them being gone. i can remember sitting at my grandma jeanne's kitchen table with grandpa bill, before we knew he was sick, and him singing 'the three little kittens' to me. and me carrying on, 'no, grandpa, no! not again!' because he knew it drove me crazy. he loved to drive kids crazy. i can remember him showing me the cookie jar and telling me that cookies were not worth eating if they weren't double-stuf oreos. i can remember him taking me to the park with my cousins, and opening up the trunk of his car, and inside it, a cooler. filled with pop. . . grape, orange, you name it. and telling me, "you can have as much of this as you want today." it was like we'd struck gold. he also bought me pink minnetonka moccasins and a care bears necklace for christmas. he really seemed to know a girl's heart.
my other grandpa was very different from my grandpa bill, from what i recall. he was quieter, a bit gentler. he loved golf. he once had a heart attack on the green. . . but finished his game before going to the hospital. (so i heard once). he loved mountain dew and doublemint gum, which he kept on a shelf above his desk. he taped shows for me off the disney channel. . .he came to regret that. annie and the secret of nimh. . . required watching every time i visited. he had a beautiful little rose garden in his backyard, which he meticulously maintained. i can remember climbing the apple tree, he putzing around in the yard. i can remember what his giggle sounded like, and that he always was jingling the change in his pocket. i loved going to their house, there was something so safe and warm there, and like there was so much to get my hands into. i don't remember my grandpas telling me many stories about growing up or any of those things, yet i still feel like i carry them around with me.
and if i'm marrying into this family, then they are kind of my grandparents too, right? i'm going to soak up as much of it as i can. tell me your stories, so that i know what it was like. and how i can live a life as decently, as love-filled, as miraculously, as you have yours.

ipod love

One of my blogging buddies, Nanette, who, incidentally, introduced me to lots of other bloggers, did a little thing about what came up on her ipod on shuffle. . . first ten songs, no cheating. i totally dug it, so here's my ten with a little commentary.

here it goes again
by OK Go
off Oh No
i bought this record because i had seen their first choreographed video (They're in a backyard, not the treadmills) on youtube. i super dug the song, and then the sticker on it said spin gave it five stars. i don't consider spin a benchmark for whether i'd buy a cd, but it helped it make the cut. i ended up LOVING the whole cd. good rock music.

creep
by TLC
the SNL 25: the musical performances is a great cd. it reads like my teenage angsty years, with nirvana, oasis, hole, beastie boys, the pretenders, alanis morrisette, and more. i loved TLC too though. this version is pretty killer. those songs just
take me back to being sixteen, which has become, sadly, only nostalgia.

heavy metal drummer
by wilco, off yankee hotel foxtrot
i saw wilco open for REM in august of 1999. i remember that because i was so extremely excited to see REM and just wanted wilco off the stage. i was so close i saw michael stipe's eyeliner running down his face. wilco was on its summerteeth tour. i was such a moron at 18. what an awesome doubleheader! now i'm sorry i didn't care about wilco then and every time i hear that record, i wince inwardly at my idiocy. anyway, heavy metal drummer. . . love this song. it reminds me of the kilipino, it reminds me of rocking out with the windows down, it always puts me in a good mood.

e-pro
by beck
off guero
i love the hook in this song, although this record is not my favorite of his. i'm a pretty big beck fan, although . . . of course i like the older stuff. am i stuck in a time warp or just choosy? i don't know.

mean mr. mustard
the beatles
off abbey road
although i adore the white album, i think i love abbey road more. i think my favorite song is oh! darling though. man, they were on a lot of drugs. they seemed so wholesome. . .

so cruel
by u2
off achtung baby
agh. . . this whole album makes my heart hurt. this definitely takes me back to high school, wishing i had a boyfriend. it reminds me of my summer job, working at a wreath factory, in love with the boys who worked there. i can listen to the whole thing over and over, although i haven't listened to it on repeat since my teenage years. there are u2 albums i like that they made after this one, but i think this and the joshua tree are my favorite. did you know that u2 almost broke up over the making of this record?

positive jam
by the hold steady
off almost killed me
either you love 'em or you hate 'em. hailing from minneapolis, now brooklynites, craig finn, who was part of legendary minneapolis punk band LFTR PLLR shout-sings his shoutouts to minneapolis and st. paul over really great guitar riffs. he likes plaid shirts wtih pearl snaps and common-man beer like PBR. i do feel like it's listening to a little slice of the twin cities. positive jam is my favorite song by them.

laughing
by REM
off murmur
REM is my all time favorite band. screw the songs on the radio; michael stipe has always said they were terrible at picking singles. murmur was the band's first album, and a wicked killer one at that. he actually utters my name in one of the songs. sigh. this album soothes me when i'm in a blue mood, simultaneously wrapping me in a warm blanket to cheer me up while saying "you're right, life sucks."

5ives
by heiruspecs
off a tiger dancing
i'm not a huge hip hop person, i won't lie. its not in my daily music routine, although there's pretty much nothing better to dance to. there are some artists, and there are some songs, that cannot be denied. heiruspecs is a crazy talented outfit from st. paul. i love the beatboxing in this song, it is insane.

pop life
by prince
the man. have you seen prince perform? even if you hate him, i guarantee he will convert you at one of his shows. he's electric. he makes your hair stand on end. and because of his antics, you may have forgotten what a completely GENIUS musician he is. he's sexy, he's talented, that voice will melt you. he will, he will, rock you. my favorite songs. . . oh that's hard. 7, nothing compares 2 u, raspberry beret, little red corvette, alphabet street. mmm hmm!


so there you go, a little slice of what's in my ear. i don't feel that it's representative of what i listen to every day, necessarily, but they are artists that are really part of what i love. the funny thing is how so many twin cities bands came up. . . i'm not necessarily so location-centric.

saturday runaround

it's like i have a inner clock i can't turn off, and it's permanently dialed to "hurry! hurry! go! go!" it's a sickness, people. even if i have nothing to do, i can find a way to fill a day to the point where i'm overbooked. since we've been out of town the past couple weekends, i had a lot of making up to do.
today i: slept til 11:30 (heaven!).
made it to my hair appointment at 12:30
got a new 'do. . . cut and color. i'm now about five shades darker than i was at my summer lightest blonde. . . now i'm more golden and brown. it's the darkest i've ever been, but i am really liking it. it makes my pale gray eyes look much more blue. i love my stylist. she reads my mind, and then makes it ten times better.
got a random call from my sister and we had a late lunch and shopped at j crew together.
i bought this:

gorgeous, right? i'm in love. i have a hard time finding jackets. if they are big enough in the chest, they hang like a box, or the sleeves are too short, or the shoulders too narrow. i heard it's sold out everywhere (that color) and it was a return just today. rockin'. it was meant to be.
then onward to get an outfit for tonight's halloween party. my sister graciously offered up her scrubs. she's a nurse and her husband is a doctor, so we're fully outfitted with scrubs, lab coats, gloves, and a stethoscope, plus a pin that says "trust me, i'm a doctor." yes! can't get much easier than that.
then onto target to get a shower gift for a wedding shower i'm attending tomorrow. i've got about a half hour to get ready for the party so i must run. hopefully photos later.

tonight! tonight! tonight!

our theme song amongst our friends last year: since u been gone. the kilipino is now in paraguay and we miss her dearly. it will feel like a little hole tonight when we go to see KELLY CLARKSON.

since u been gone. . . here we are rocking out on a road trip pit stop.



(that's me in the pink hat) so excited. . . we'll miss you spoons.

molly's first halloween (with us)

so, here is lady mo, our first pet on her first halloween with us. oh, miss mo. we love you so.



i really do think she kind of liked her costume, once she got used to the hat

see? she's smiling!

we took her to the movie store with us (they allow dogs inside) and she got a treat.
[a photo goes here but blogger is being a butt, so i will have to upload it later.]

she wins for cuteness! and, fact, halloween the movie still freaks me out even though i can point out so many more flaws since the first (of many) times i have seen it.

so, i'm crazy

i really want to get on this nanopoloblomocrosomo month that everyone's on, and i know i'm nuts since i can barely post these days, but i think it will help me make more of a habit of it.
i have more stories, but again, crazy day and it's not over yet. the things i want to write about take time and thought, not just something hastily typed. lots of things on my mind.
anyway, so, i'll be blogging every day the month of november and hopefully meet new bloggers (although i love my blog love, as you know), and get some good writing experience in.
today i worked, visited a spa (for work), got stuck in traffic eleventy million times, picked up my mo, and came home to have dinner. then i'm off for "grey's and girls" night, to watch grey's and see friends. even just an hour makes a difference in my mood.
tomorrow night: KELLY Clarkson! hooray! i have been waiting so long, so long.
saturday: haircut and halloween party.
sunday: wedding shower for a friend (i'm a bridesmaid)
i don't have a costume or present yet. eek!so now you see why i'm running around like mad.
ok. promise, better posts for the month of november!

in absentia

i have not disappeared. i promise. i was out of town for a few days with william to attend his grandma's funeral. we just got back last night, and tonight we were working on Wedding Stuff tonight. no decisions made yet, but we were searching for lodging and flights and rental stuff (jeezly crow, it's expensive to rent stuff).
this weekend--lots of stories to tell, but tonight, i'm just too beat. this has been a crazy couple of weeks.

drive off in a hyundai

a few words you never want to hear your dad say to you, as you happily peruse the new j.crew catalogue: "so, when did you ding up your car?"
me: huh? what are you talking about? (thinks about cashmere sweater)
dad: looks like you did a pretty good job.
me: don't say that! (bolts outside)

yep. dinged it up pretty good. i'd call it more than a ding. some moron took off some paint and left some ugly green paint behind, on the back bumper, sort of side and back. i just stood in shock. my dad felt bad, so he went to get a sponge and bucket. he wiped it off and we got some stuff off, but it pulled the paint off (my sexy! black! paint! i had! to have!)and now i'm stuck with some godawful teal paint--get some taste, moron! anyway, it could be worse and all that, but i'm super sad about my poor little hyundai. she's only three! this is the second not-my-fault bumper problem!

to the jerkstore that hit my car and ran: i hope you have a series of horrible days. i hope your alarm clock doesn't go off tomorrow. i hope you crave brownies and you're psyched to bake, but don't have the eggs to make them. i hope you run out of gas while you're already running late, on an exit ramp. i hope you get a speeding ticket for your fast getaway. i hope your email breaks at work. all day. i hope your date stands you up. i hope the IRS suddenly says you owe them about $600.

i may just have a little hyundai, but you didn't have to hit it and rip off all the paint and leave your ugly green paint on my car. i work hard to pay for my car, and this is one setback i didn't need. you should have sucked it up and left me a note with your phone number and an i'm sorry. get some humanity.

turn the wheel

sorry for the absence. it's been a strange week.
william's grandma passed away this morning. she had been sick for a while, and it was her time. we heard last week that she was not going to be in this world for much longer, so last weekend we drove to brookings, the small town in south dakota where she's been living, to see her. she was mostly asleep. we talked to her about getting married, and william told her he loved her. it reminded me of when i visited my grandma for the last time, which still brings tears to my eyes, so of course i felt deeply sad, knowing what he was feeling in those moments. i didn't know his grandma at all, but i feel the pain of that loss nonetheless.
william's aunt, who is a wonderful lady with a beautiful smile, found out she has breast cancer. please think some happy, healthy thoughts for her as she embarks on her treatment. since william and i have met, and i met her, she has always been very welcoming and sweet to me, which meant a lot to me. i think very highly of her, and i'm thinking all kinds of anti-cancer thoughts. i know that she can beat it.
and hten there's that whole other new life that's come into our world, and it's very happy news! william's sister had her baby, and it is a boy, and he is darling and perfect in every way. i got to hold him the day he was born and the day after, and there is just something so incredibly special about brand new babies. i know i'm going to sound cheesy here, but it's so miraculous. that baby was just inside someone, and now they are here, and ready to learn and be loved and all this good stuff and it always gives you such hope for the future. he opened his eyes and looked around the room and it was like. . . no child had opened its eyes before or something. and oh, the yummy new baby smell. can't replicate that anywhere.
so that's been the last week (and most of that last weekend), and so there's been a lot going on here, so sorry for the absence. i'm still in a blocky area where the words just aren't coming the way they should, which is frustrating and hard, especially at a time like this, when writing can soothe me so much.
rise and fall, turn the wheel, all life is, is a circle. ("circle", big head todd and the monsters)

i'm sooooo sick of rain

seriously. it has been raining for what feels like an eternity. it makes it hard to be motivated or fun or creative or interesting. all i seem to think about is sleeping, sweat pants, and movies. today i looked at hawaii pictures on the internet to get some sunshine in my life.
i think i have discussed what a not-morning person i am before. well, i'm now sharing that quality with the dog. so, last weekend we took mo to get groomed. i asked them very specifically to leave a little fur on her, even if it meant she needs to get groomed more often. i don't like having her shaved and it's starting to feel like fall, so she might appreciate some coatage. i thought we were on the same page, so i left mo, shaking like a little leaf, in the care of the groomer. i picked her up three hours later, and it was like she was a different dog. she's shaved. totally. barely a fuzz. no curls at all. and she's been shivering for a week. since then, she has been sleeping in bed with us all night. before this, her m.o. was to hang out for about 15 minutes and then get down and sleep on the floor or couch. now she's been glued to my side all night long. so this morning the alarm goes off, and i snooze it, of course. two snoozes later, though, it's time to get up, like NOW, because it's already one more snooze than i should have done, and it's practically NIGHTTIME out still but ok, ok, already. i look at molly, and ask quietly "go outside?" which usually wakes her up immediately and she makes a break for the door. not this morning. she barely opened her eyes, flopped her head back down, and snuggled in more tightly (if that was possible).
now that's my girl!

artsy

my headache is gone. sorry for my absence. i took a break from computer screens. i had a couple days off from work, and decided that possibly the cause was too much fluorescent light and computer screens. it may not have been, since the headache carried on until saturday, but it's gone now. thanks for the advice!
this week promises to be mellower than the last few which is really nice. over the weekend, i had a couple spa treatments done--facial, reiki, vichy. they helped too. the funny part: molly doesn't lick faces for the most part, even if you ask her to. when you are sad, she will lick your tears, or once in a great while you get a random surprise from her. the facial i got was organic and food-based; it smelled just like apples, in a mouth-watering way. when i got home, she kept licking my face! it was so funny. i guess that's proof positive the products were super food based.
we need to get moving on some wedding stuff; we've been a little stalled lately. we need to book our plane tickets and lodging and send save-the-dates. i think we've both just been feeling so busy lately we have no energy left over for wedding stuff (it seems we trade days of late hours/busy-ness). on friday i spent part of the afternoon making one of my childhood comfort foods for dinner: my mom has this recipe for homemade mac and cheese (and also chicken and celery and pimiento) that i had been craving. since william has been taking the lion's share of cooking, i thought i'd kick in and share a family favorite. it turned out like mom's! i was pretty proud. then william had to work late, and i fell asleep on the couch around 7 pm! but when he got home we had dinner anyway.
this weekend though, we did one of our favorite things: just bumming around town together on a sunny afternoon. we hit up the st. paul art crawl, and i bought a photo i really love from someone showing in the same space william did. we stopped by one of our favorite vintage shops and i bought some small glass jars too. they're bright blue and have these cool bubbley tops. i'll post pictures--we finally found our camera charger--hooray!--so there will be photos to come, just not tonight since it's getting late.
overall a good weekend, although the crappy weather that persists does nothing for a girl's mood. it's been dark and rainy and cold and crappy, and i know it's just the way it is, but i'd like a little more sunlight.
clearly i'm in a little bit of a blogging rut tonight, so i'm gonna cut bait.

like relievin' a headache

so, let me speak about this headache that i seem to have inherited from somewheres.
i have never had such a headache in my whole life. it's really weird. it's the beginning of fall allergies, and it hink i have those. and when it rains, allergies act up. but it hasn't been raining THAT much, and i don't feel like the pain is in my sinuses. rather, it's a pulsating pain, which fades to an ache and back and forth like a pendulum, throughout the day. i woke up three times last night, each time with the headache worse than the last, but i think i was waking up from the nightmares i was having. i'll reiterate here that i'm not a "headache person." i don't suffer from migraines, thank god. and it is certainly nothing like what my friend marissa (i can't seem to make a link work tonight: http://mariskris.blogspot.com)—check out her "What Doesn't Kill You" entries—went through recently.
my guess? it's a mixture of lack of sleep, stress, and allergies. but i don' t know. the pain is my jaw, the sides of my head, down the back, my neck, and shoulders. i have tried advil, excedrin migraine, heating pad. the only thing that seems to have really helped so far is the heat, but some of the pain returns when it cools off.
any remedies out there? this is cramping my style (ha, ha). i'm finally getting done with work at normal times for the first time in weeks, but i can't do anything because i don't want to move my eyeballs.
speaking of, i'm off to shut them. wish for me i wake up headache-free!

my sweetest downfall

fatty summed regina up best, i think: "the more i'm here, the more i love her, but the more i'm here, the more i hate this place."
have you ever noticed that singer-songwriter-piano-player-types always have the worst crowds? do people just completely THROW common courtesy out the window when they go to shows? i don't get it. besides the loud i'm-wearing-a-suit dude talking his way through the show about how he only rolls in BMWs and the teenage girls texting everyone, then checking everyone else's texts and squealing, to the guy who asked my friend to excuse him (finally! politeness!) and then stood so close IN FRONT of her that he STOOD on her FOOT, i had had it.
it's a new venue, great sound, but still terrible. it was so packed--no one could see. i ended up watching the show from--get this--a tv in a lobby. because no matter where we walked in the room, we couldn't see anything. a small tv. with basically no color on it. yep, i watched regina on a 27-inch tv in yellow and black. mm hmm. glad i spent $30 for that! her last show was no better (though not her fault). loud, loud, loud people next to me (counted 'em: 10) sang through every show. so i paid for karaoke, essentially.
i'll never understand that. a loud rockin' show, sure. sing and dance. a quiet one-girl-one-piano show? shut up. shut up. shut up. unless it's a singalong at the end. that's different.
regina spektor took some growing on me, but now she's definitely one of my favorites. i'm shocked at her range, her sense of humor as she plays complex pieces, her lyrics, and her pitch-perfect voice. probably one of the best technical musicians i have had the pleasure of seeing live. love her. love her!!
today i came home while the sun was still out. amazing what that did for my mood.
also, i am having thoughts about my dress. new thoughts, remaking the bought-dress thoughts. i had a dream about it. hmmmm. i can't really talk about it here though which is the hard part, since william doesn't want to know. so again, i can send out an email if you let me know you're interested in my thoughts. :)
i keep meaning to rise above the daily grind posts, but i just don't have the juice right now. once recovered from crazy hours, i promise some quality blogging.

sunny saturday

the clouds have lifted! i worked until 10:30 last night, but i believe the long nights are over for a while. and the day dawned bright, then rained, and now is the perfectest day of bright blue skies and bright yellow and red leaves. and it's, like, 80 degrees outside. weird. but beautiful! i'll take it. it's like god's way of saying "you worked your whole summer away, here's a good day for you." nonetheless, i have made my clothing transition to fall and i just can't wear summery stuff anymore. i've changed the mindset for clothing! can't go back.
otherwise, a quick errandy trip to ikea (none of the candles that i wanted, boo)--but we did get some mats for our bathroom (three little circle ones, funky!). quick trip to target yielded some new towels and a ladybug halloween costume for mo (pictures to come!), and a shower curtain (black and white graphic dots to match the new mats). hooray! we have needed those little updates for the bathroom for a long time.
tonight; regina spektor. i'm excited! william, fatty, and i are going.
hooray!

my buoy

i'm tired. i'm really, really tired. exhausted. i am working like crazy. it will be a good thing in the end. it is very hard right now.
yesterday i burst into tears at my desk. that is the first time that has ever happened, save for when my dad was diagnosed with lung cancer. i felt totally unprofessional and unhinged, and managed to pull myself together after a few minutes and it was after most people had gone home, but i was still mad at myself for doing it.
william continues to be a total rock. he is handling my schedule far better than if the situation were reversed, i think. i admire that about him. and when i came home today and i wanted to just sit down and cry, simply because i'm so tired, and i feel guilty for my absences, he asked me, "how 'bout i make dinner and we watch tv and i give you a back rub?" and he smiled. and it wasn't a cruel joke. right now, he is making a very involved dinner, i'm not even sure what is going on in the kitchen. it was the biggest sense of relief i have felt in a long time.
he manages to buoy my spirits at times when i want to pout or stew or brood. i am so lucky. i'm so tired i barely feel anything at this point besides a pounding head, but i feel lucky. click, click, click goes the knife on the cutting board as i click, click, click on the keys so i don't lose my readers, or my promise to keep on the blogging wagon.
god i love him.

today i. . .

had a headache all day (four in four days, yes! am i going to explode? stay tuned.)

stood in the rain waiting for the bus

walked home in said rain

was cold

had a ton of work to do

so much that i forgot about a meeting.

felt bad about a lot of stuff i'm too tired to blog about

my new shoes? ate my foot. they suck. i am hoping i can take them back and call them defective. i have horrible bruises, yes, bruises on the back of each heel. (the cute purple ones with the elastic-back heel that seemed so great? they suck. and today i talked to no less than three women, one of which gave away practically brand new tory burch flats with the elastic-back heel becuase of the pain they inflicted. save yourself the pain and the money. they are BAD).

but

i had a spare pair at work by TOTAL luck. hooray for that! otherwise idon't know what i would have done.

had comfort food dinner made by my mom

listened to the flaming lips and foo fighters on the bus

came home to my sweet dog and my fiance

a good ending, no?