Today, in Bullet Points

People, I'm overloaded. Can't do any decent writing today. But I know you're just waiting on edge to hear what I've been up to, so here we go:

• Scraped my car windows not one, not two, not three, but FOUR times.
• Checked the snow emergency website like FIVE times.
• Drove all the way to work and then all the way back, so I could work from home and avoid rush hour.
• Felt grateful for my sweet little SUV, which powered me through the snow like nobody's business.
• Got a phone call from my auto body buddy, who asked how my new car was doing.
• Sang along to the radio.
• Did some research about British English and the differences between British English and American English.
• Ate some reheated hot-and-sour soup. And a box-made Ghiradelli dark-chocolate brownie (They are SO GOOD).
• Cooked dinner—honey-soy glazed chicken with bell peppers and snap peas stir-fry—with my handsome husband.
• Did the dishes.
• Went to the bank, dropped off dry cleaning, chauffered the dog, got crunched at the chiro.
• Daydreamed about the trip we're taking in less than TWO WEEKS!
• Heard my massage therapist warning me to stop carrying the weight of the world.
• Edited some fun stuff.
• Gave the UPS customer service people an earful.
• Listened to some new mp3s: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Regina Spektor.
  
• Made more to-do lists.

To do, to do, to do. . . . . .

Range of Motion

Every day lately has been about how to get everything possible done and understood and taken care of. Details, details, details. Confusing forms. Deadlines. Putting trust in people I've never seen before. Confusing phone calls. Decisions upon decisions upon decisions.

Do you ever get to the point where you're like, I cannot make ONE MORE decision? I have this limit. A few nights ago, I was heading home late after a long talk with my mom and realized...we probably had nothing for dinner. So I called Wm, and asked what we should do. We started to play the "I don't know ... what do you want to do?" game. Normally, one of us would volunteer something and we'd go with it and move on. But instead, I forcefully said "I cannot decide. Please just decide for me." Then he did, I disagreed, and went ahead and decided anyway.

But that's kinda where I am at. I have roiling in my stomach, in my heart, in my mind. Everything feels locked up and storming.

Of course, this is all exacerbated by the lack of sleep these days. It's a mix of being uncomfortable and muscle aches, not being able to breathe, and all this roiling. And then the not-sleep feeds into more roiling. A gross cycle to be sure.

Tonight was the first night in a couple of weeks that I decided to trust that my body was healing. I went to the gym and did yoga.

Here's what surprised me. Some things were as though nothing had changed. My muscles remembered and didn't fight me. I sunk right into it. I felt my mind clear, my lungs lighten, my circulation moving. Everything just feels... mostly right again.

But.

My range of motion with my arms? Not what it was pre-accident. I didn't push it, but I was surprised when reaching my arm up and over my head ... just didn't go. Or when I brought my arms behind my back and they just. Didn't. Want. To.

I have been coming to terms with the fact that yes, I walked away from my accident and nothing serious is wrong with me. But that also, that was a really, really close call. And ... I'm not quite better yet. And I'm kind of like, come on, body! Stop betraying me and get better!

But I'll tell you what. My dancer's pose is looking pretty sharp. And when I can unburden myself of all these forms and information and insurance—all the buzzy noises in my life right now—I can still find a small piece of inner calm. And I'm willing to reach for more.

And in a couple short weeks, I'll be far, far away. Hopefully closer to 100 percent than I am today. Reaching, reaching, reaching. Awesome.

Frenetic

Things seem to be happening in such rapid succession that I don't know where to begin, or end, or even write anything worth reading.

So, for half of January, I was either sick, hurt, at the doctor, or without a car. It was not a stellar month. That's putting it mildly. I'm still not through the Leaning Tower of Paperwork. I haven't crossed a DAMN THING of my to-do list. I'm overwhelmed.

...Just keep swimming...Just keep swimming...

February begins!

My body is still clinging to a cold that I can't seem to make GO AWAY. I've only had it for like, uh, four days or so, but I'm ready to be done. So it can vacate the premises any time. I haven't slept a full night in what feels like an eon. I would really, REALLY like to do that. Like, a lot.

Still have paperwork. Loose ends.

I haven't exercised. I really need to.

I got a car! Yeah, buried the lead on that one. But, I got a car! It's an...SUV! A little one, anyway. I ended up with a RAV4. She goes like hell through the snow, she's small and handles like a car, she's silver and sassy. She needs a name. All submissions considered.

We are less than a month from our trip overseas. All the planning and thought that had to get put off in January? Yeah, that needs to be done now.

Oh yeah, so does EVERYTHING ELSE.

Excuse me while I go have a heart attack.