Kat: Hey, are you going outside anytime soon? (It's 11:30 pm)
Wil: No.
Kat: Are you sure?
Wil: Yes.
Kat: But...my phone is out in my car.
Wil: So you'll have to wait til morning to get it.
Kat: But...what if someone tries to steal it?
Wil: You're worried about someone stealing a six-year-old phone out of your Hyundai?
Kat: Well, you never know...
Wil: Yes, you do. No one wants your piece of crap phone.
Kat: They don't know it's a piece of crap!
Wil: Yes, they do. They can look at it and know. Next thing you know, they'll be trying to steal some trash outta my car. I think I have a half-chewed piece of gum in there they might want...
Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts
Showing posts with label funny stuff. Show all posts
Monday, November 17, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
falling over you
so, let me set the scene:
i am wearing my favoritist pink dress coat, the single-breasted one with cabbage roses printed on the lining, the one that gets me muy compliments wherever I go, the one that makes me feel pretty. i am also wearing a slate-ish blue bridesmaid dress, purposely hemmed to the floor. it's strapless and has a fairly big, swishy skirt. underneath my dress (i know, this is getting interesting, right?) i'm wearing mary jane tennis shoes from sketchers and knee-high stirrup softball socks (i know, may-juh letdown). i have on my ginormous mittens, which are brown leather on the outside and sheepskin on the inside (so warm, you wouldn't believe). i'm scooting along, fast as i can, becasue despite my socks—which were a wardrobe requirement for my sporty friends who had just married—it's frostbite city outside. it's about 30 below with the windchill, and the wind is blowing. william is behind me about twenty feet, carrying a big heavy bag which contains (but doesn't contain very well) our wedding present for the couple. he's carrying in from the bottom, becuase the present was so heavy, the handles broke long ago. we're about a half block from the reception site. i can feel my satin skirt getting icy, rapidly.
a gust of wind blows, and william says, fairly panicked, "babe! the tissue paper!"
i whip around, to see all the tissue paper he packed into the bag, blowing over his head, obscuring his face and floating behind him. as i whip around, my skirt wraps around my legs. because of the tone of his voice, i overestimated the importance of this incident.
against my better judgment, i take about two steps, at which point i realize: you should not have done that. and i know, without a doubt, i am falling down. but you know, there's this weird involuntary brain thing that happens when you are about to fall down, in which you know, your body will do anything to keep you upright. so i take at least three awkwardly huge steps, pounding each one harder, before i sail to the ground. sail is actually far too graceful a word. although william says from his vantage point, i looked like a ball player, diving for home plate, with stirrup socks clearly visible.
and i slid. do you know how i remember?
my coat. my coat is covered in dirt. gross parking lot frozen-over mud puddle and exhaust-frosted dirt. i can tell my arms were slightly bent when i hit the pavement because it's painted on where the wrinkles come up around the elbows. also because my left arm has been hurting ever since. i can now raise it above my head, but it is almost wednesday.
i don't know if pink coat is going to make it. we'll see what the dry cleaner has to say. otherwise i might be in the market for a new coat.
surprisingly i only have two bruises, one on my elbow and an ugly one on my knee. you'd think i'd have more, considering sometimes i bruise just glancing off the coffee table.
let me tell you, i laughed like hell. falling down is one of the funniest things ever to me, as long as everyone survives without broken bones. but i won't lie, my first instinct is to laugh. every time, unless it's an elderly person. i could not stop laughing. i popped up quickly, according to william. and he said, not unlike his first comment, "babe! it's ONLY tissue paper!" he asked if i was okay, but i couldn't even respond due to my laughter and trying to continue to scoot inside. once i was moving again, i noticed my skirt was scuffed up! people kept trying to brush it off all night, but no, i took the color off it.
no, i had not been drinking yet.
it didn't hurt me too much on the dance floor.
me and bride:
ostensibly laughing about falling yet again:
i am wearing my favoritist pink dress coat, the single-breasted one with cabbage roses printed on the lining, the one that gets me muy compliments wherever I go, the one that makes me feel pretty. i am also wearing a slate-ish blue bridesmaid dress, purposely hemmed to the floor. it's strapless and has a fairly big, swishy skirt. underneath my dress (i know, this is getting interesting, right?) i'm wearing mary jane tennis shoes from sketchers and knee-high stirrup softball socks (i know, may-juh letdown). i have on my ginormous mittens, which are brown leather on the outside and sheepskin on the inside (so warm, you wouldn't believe). i'm scooting along, fast as i can, becasue despite my socks—which were a wardrobe requirement for my sporty friends who had just married—it's frostbite city outside. it's about 30 below with the windchill, and the wind is blowing. william is behind me about twenty feet, carrying a big heavy bag which contains (but doesn't contain very well) our wedding present for the couple. he's carrying in from the bottom, becuase the present was so heavy, the handles broke long ago. we're about a half block from the reception site. i can feel my satin skirt getting icy, rapidly.
a gust of wind blows, and william says, fairly panicked, "babe! the tissue paper!"
i whip around, to see all the tissue paper he packed into the bag, blowing over his head, obscuring his face and floating behind him. as i whip around, my skirt wraps around my legs. because of the tone of his voice, i overestimated the importance of this incident.
against my better judgment, i take about two steps, at which point i realize: you should not have done that. and i know, without a doubt, i am falling down. but you know, there's this weird involuntary brain thing that happens when you are about to fall down, in which you know, your body will do anything to keep you upright. so i take at least three awkwardly huge steps, pounding each one harder, before i sail to the ground. sail is actually far too graceful a word. although william says from his vantage point, i looked like a ball player, diving for home plate, with stirrup socks clearly visible.
and i slid. do you know how i remember?
my coat. my coat is covered in dirt. gross parking lot frozen-over mud puddle and exhaust-frosted dirt. i can tell my arms were slightly bent when i hit the pavement because it's painted on where the wrinkles come up around the elbows. also because my left arm has been hurting ever since. i can now raise it above my head, but it is almost wednesday.
i don't know if pink coat is going to make it. we'll see what the dry cleaner has to say. otherwise i might be in the market for a new coat.
surprisingly i only have two bruises, one on my elbow and an ugly one on my knee. you'd think i'd have more, considering sometimes i bruise just glancing off the coffee table.
let me tell you, i laughed like hell. falling down is one of the funniest things ever to me, as long as everyone survives without broken bones. but i won't lie, my first instinct is to laugh. every time, unless it's an elderly person. i could not stop laughing. i popped up quickly, according to william. and he said, not unlike his first comment, "babe! it's ONLY tissue paper!" he asked if i was okay, but i couldn't even respond due to my laughter and trying to continue to scoot inside. once i was moving again, i noticed my skirt was scuffed up! people kept trying to brush it off all night, but no, i took the color off it.
no, i had not been drinking yet.
it didn't hurt me too much on the dance floor.
me and bride:
ostensibly laughing about falling yet again:
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
i never said nothing
i just caught a second of liz phair on vh1. and can i say, that it was an awesome peak point to an otherwise low day? she is so sexy! and it was a 90s clip and the song made me heart race. plus. her music. goes right to my heart every time.
liz phair is one of my idols. i feel silly being 27 and saying that. but i love her. i'll never tire of exile in guyville....and i know that's so cliche. but it is a "rad record" as jewel was quoted as saying. it's so intricate, the lyrics are so good. whip-smart is great too. i even like her pop stuff (most liz fans don't).
i even wrote women's studies papers about her lyrics.
so imagine the total and complete paralysis that came over me when i was about 10 feet from her, and she looked into my eyes, and said, "hello!" and she looked genuine and interested and it caught me so off guard.
but before that happened. . . kilipino said to me, "don't turn around, and act cool, because liz phair is coming this way." i totally thought she was joking. but she was not.
i'm not sure what look crossed my face, but i had a physical reaction. i could feel my heart racing, my knees getting weak. like the cutest boy in high school suddenly noticed i existed. that's the closest thing i can use to describe it.
i was lucky to share this moment with two friends, kilipino and fatty.
some guy came out of nowhere and asked her to sign an album. it was about this moment that it was really liz. like really. i remember she said "i will, but i have to go in there [gestures towards tour bus] but i'll be back and do it then."
we looked at each other in wide-eyed surprise. we hadn't intended to be standing outside her tour bus, but we were without much realizing it, as we were playing the "what do you want to do now?" "i don't know," game. suddenly, here was liz.
thanks to kilipino, we got autographs when liz came off the bus. (she had a sharpie in her purse). we also got photos. liz asked US if we wanted to take photos. thanks again to kilipino, who is known for having EVERYTHING in her purse, we have photos.
seriously, liz phair put her arm around me, put her face against mine (imagine my shock, i was trying to maintain a respectable distance so she didn't feel creeped out), and we took a picture. i was rendered so brainless, i could barely eke out a thank-you. after the oh-so-sweet interaction, we walked away, shaking.
i called my brother, and left him a message on his answering machine, which started out with me talking quietly, but finished with "LIZ PHAIR TOUCHED ME!" kilipino called her brother, who upon hearing we had in fact touched liz phair, asked 'so are you reeking of female sexuality now?' why yes, yes we were.
we get into the car (fatty had parted ways with our crazed selves). we pull up to the first stoplight, where an unsuspecting biker is waiting for the light to change. kilipino rolls down the window. and yells. "HEY! liz phair just TOUCHED MY BEST FRIEND!" the poor guy practically fell off his bike.
if you know either me or kilipino in real life, you know once the idea came to us to yell this news. . . we couldn't resist. just once wasn't enough. poor people the whole way home (and yes we took some detours) were treated to us yelling this phrase over and over. we were just so excited, we had to tell the whole world. as usual, we were each other's best audiences.
we just laughed and laughed and laughed and shouted as if this maniacal but joyous yelling confirmed that what had just taken place was not some kind of dream. it was real. i laughed so hard that night it occurred to me that i shouldn't be operating a car. my stomach hurt, my cheeks hurt, tears were streaming out of my eyes. i can remember kilipino's infectious giggle echoing down grand avenue.
it was a perfect summery night in minnesota. it was our glory ride.
liz phair is one of my idols. i feel silly being 27 and saying that. but i love her. i'll never tire of exile in guyville....and i know that's so cliche. but it is a "rad record" as jewel was quoted as saying. it's so intricate, the lyrics are so good. whip-smart is great too. i even like her pop stuff (most liz fans don't).
i even wrote women's studies papers about her lyrics.
so imagine the total and complete paralysis that came over me when i was about 10 feet from her, and she looked into my eyes, and said, "hello!" and she looked genuine and interested and it caught me so off guard.
but before that happened. . . kilipino said to me, "don't turn around, and act cool, because liz phair is coming this way." i totally thought she was joking. but she was not.
i'm not sure what look crossed my face, but i had a physical reaction. i could feel my heart racing, my knees getting weak. like the cutest boy in high school suddenly noticed i existed. that's the closest thing i can use to describe it.
i was lucky to share this moment with two friends, kilipino and fatty.
some guy came out of nowhere and asked her to sign an album. it was about this moment that it was really liz. like really. i remember she said "i will, but i have to go in there [gestures towards tour bus] but i'll be back and do it then."
we looked at each other in wide-eyed surprise. we hadn't intended to be standing outside her tour bus, but we were without much realizing it, as we were playing the "what do you want to do now?" "i don't know," game. suddenly, here was liz.
thanks to kilipino, we got autographs when liz came off the bus. (she had a sharpie in her purse). we also got photos. liz asked US if we wanted to take photos. thanks again to kilipino, who is known for having EVERYTHING in her purse, we have photos.
seriously, liz phair put her arm around me, put her face against mine (imagine my shock, i was trying to maintain a respectable distance so she didn't feel creeped out), and we took a picture. i was rendered so brainless, i could barely eke out a thank-you. after the oh-so-sweet interaction, we walked away, shaking.
i called my brother, and left him a message on his answering machine, which started out with me talking quietly, but finished with "LIZ PHAIR TOUCHED ME!" kilipino called her brother, who upon hearing we had in fact touched liz phair, asked 'so are you reeking of female sexuality now?' why yes, yes we were.
we get into the car (fatty had parted ways with our crazed selves). we pull up to the first stoplight, where an unsuspecting biker is waiting for the light to change. kilipino rolls down the window. and yells. "HEY! liz phair just TOUCHED MY BEST FRIEND!" the poor guy practically fell off his bike.
if you know either me or kilipino in real life, you know once the idea came to us to yell this news. . . we couldn't resist. just once wasn't enough. poor people the whole way home (and yes we took some detours) were treated to us yelling this phrase over and over. we were just so excited, we had to tell the whole world. as usual, we were each other's best audiences.
we just laughed and laughed and laughed and shouted as if this maniacal but joyous yelling confirmed that what had just taken place was not some kind of dream. it was real. i laughed so hard that night it occurred to me that i shouldn't be operating a car. my stomach hurt, my cheeks hurt, tears were streaming out of my eyes. i can remember kilipino's infectious giggle echoing down grand avenue.
it was a perfect summery night in minnesota. it was our glory ride.
Friday, November 16, 2007
sweatpants lapdance
i swear i was going to post last night. admittedly, it would've been right before the deadline. but when i got home, my internet wouldn't work! so i am posting as soon as i can. our internet has been intermittent lately. that doesn't disqualify me, does it? :(
last night i went to my usual grey's and girls night--as you can probably figre out from the title, we watch grey's anatomy and hang out with the girls. i had a little chipotle with ang first, and then we watched the shows. as usual, there were lots of giggles and jokes and fun times. i have really come to cherish my thursday nights with my girls. it's like a little mood lift towards the end of the week, and because of the show's regularity, we make sure we're together regularly, too. it's a good setup. as you can see from the title, the main show of the night was a brief dance from one of my sweatpant-ed friends (we do not dress up for this; pj's encouraged).
ok, i must run, but there will be another post today.
last night i went to my usual grey's and girls night--as you can probably figre out from the title, we watch grey's anatomy and hang out with the girls. i had a little chipotle with ang first, and then we watched the shows. as usual, there were lots of giggles and jokes and fun times. i have really come to cherish my thursday nights with my girls. it's like a little mood lift towards the end of the week, and because of the show's regularity, we make sure we're together regularly, too. it's a good setup. as you can see from the title, the main show of the night was a brief dance from one of my sweatpant-ed friends (we do not dress up for this; pj's encouraged).
ok, i must run, but there will be another post today.
Friday, November 2, 2007
tonight! tonight! tonight!
our theme song amongst our friends last year: since u been gone. the kilipino is now in paraguay and we miss her dearly. it will feel like a little hole tonight when we go to see KELLY CLARKSON.
since u been gone. . . here we are rocking out on a road trip pit stop.
(that's me in the pink hat) so excited. . . we'll miss you spoons.
since u been gone. . . here we are rocking out on a road trip pit stop.
(that's me in the pink hat) so excited. . . we'll miss you spoons.
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Business Time
William practically begged me to put this up on the blog. I admit, it's hilarious. And no, we don't have HBO, so sorry if you've all seen this before:
Also, it just happens to be a coincidence that it's actually Wednesday. Don't actually infer anything about that. William just happened to see this for the first time today. thanks, William's co-worker. We're gonna be hearing about this one for a while.
Also, it just happens to be a coincidence that it's actually Wednesday. Don't actually infer anything about that. William just happened to see this for the first time today. thanks, William's co-worker. We're gonna be hearing about this one for a while.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
the puddles gather rain
it's still raining. gah. it's too much people, it is seriously affecting my mood.
we need to go to the grocery store super mondo-plus bad. like, tonight was the last of the last of the crap to put together to make a semblance of a meal. must. go. to. buy. groceries.
i had a bad day.
william and i have this thing where we've projected these lives and conversations on our dog. it's a terrible dog-owner habit. but it's gotten out of control. we just got into an argument about whether molly was a stripper briefly before coming to minnesota. she wasn't, people. she never stripped. bodybuilding, yes. president of mexico, yes. her only thoughts about bacon and carnitas, of course. i draw the line at stripping.
does that look like a stripper to you?
speaking of molly, we had another super funny encounter with a random stranger and molly. we were sitting at a stoplight, and i was driving. molly was sitting on william's lap, her head out the window (as usual). a guy in a cutlass-type car, fully tinted windows, pulls up next to us. Suddenly, the back window starts to go down, niiiice and slow. the driver leans back—yes, his seat was so far back, he could look out the back window—looks at william and molly, and says, "nice cockapoo, man!"
that is funny for approximately 6790932132896345498872343.009 reasons.
i know that my jaw dropped to the floor. i started to giggle. the guy looked over at me, smiled and nodded his head. i meant to say thank you, but i couldn't make the words come out. it was maybe the funniest thing that has happened all summer. i can't believe i didn't blog about this before.
this is us laughing about the incident. molly is wearing an "aloha girl" t-shirt that william's mom found somewhere:
we need to go to the grocery store super mondo-plus bad. like, tonight was the last of the last of the crap to put together to make a semblance of a meal. must. go. to. buy. groceries.
i had a bad day.
william and i have this thing where we've projected these lives and conversations on our dog. it's a terrible dog-owner habit. but it's gotten out of control. we just got into an argument about whether molly was a stripper briefly before coming to minnesota. she wasn't, people. she never stripped. bodybuilding, yes. president of mexico, yes. her only thoughts about bacon and carnitas, of course. i draw the line at stripping.
does that look like a stripper to you?
speaking of molly, we had another super funny encounter with a random stranger and molly. we were sitting at a stoplight, and i was driving. molly was sitting on william's lap, her head out the window (as usual). a guy in a cutlass-type car, fully tinted windows, pulls up next to us. Suddenly, the back window starts to go down, niiiice and slow. the driver leans back—yes, his seat was so far back, he could look out the back window—looks at william and molly, and says, "nice cockapoo, man!"
that is funny for approximately 6790932132896345498872343.009 reasons.
i know that my jaw dropped to the floor. i started to giggle. the guy looked over at me, smiled and nodded his head. i meant to say thank you, but i couldn't make the words come out. it was maybe the funniest thing that has happened all summer. i can't believe i didn't blog about this before.
this is us laughing about the incident. molly is wearing an "aloha girl" t-shirt that william's mom found somewhere:
Friday, July 6, 2007
iShenanigan
william showed me this and we both giggled, so i'm giving you the link here.it's about a woman who thinks she's gonna buy out a store of iPhones... and doesn't quite get it right.
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