the internet is a fabulously strange thing. i googled myself tonight and i'm kinda freaked out by it. and same with googling the blog. and then finding out where people are reading from, also kind of weird. i mean, not the people i know in real life that know about the blog, or the people that i know from my blog life. but there's something very strangely intimate when you suddenly realize people from several suburbs over are reading your blog, several times per day.
so. it's great, and fun, and i have met so many fun, amazing people already, and i absolutely love it.
but if you're reading and you haven't said hi, could ya? it would put my mind at ease to know who's out there. i don't see anything so weird as saying hi and introducing yourself if you come into my word house.
and welcome! i'm glad you're here.
my big news for today is not my big news really, but it is big news:
my friend r (not the same r that comments here) had a baby! how exciting. she called me about twenty minutes afterward (speedy!) and i cried. i'm so happy for her. the older i get, the more i realize what a crazy miracle having a baby is. i can't wait to smell him. new baby smell, mmmmmmm. i am going to kiss him like crazy. congrats, my love!
william had a pretty great dream last night--he woke up telling me about it. he dreamt that we had a little baby boy. (Maybe he was feelin' r's contractions--sympathy pains.) the dream was so real and so intense, he said, that he was changing the baby and the baby peed on him, and he could feel the heat of it. this makes me giggle. william has had several dreams about his kids. and they say women get baby fever . . . ;)
tonight i had to call my brother. who is the awesomest brother in the whole widest world. and i know i'm his adoring little sister and all, but he's really funny. i love to laugh at him. so anyway, i call him, and he picks up the phone, and it's LOUD in the background. it sounds like he's at a bar. then he begins singing into the phone: "hold on loosely, and don't let go... if you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control!" it took several moments to get him under control, all right, and to say hello. he wasn't at a bar. he was in his car, rocking out on a road trip. come on. you know you love 38 special, don't go rolling your eyes. in any case, i nominate this song for his next karaoke effort, if he were to ever do karaoke. i laughed really hard and might have been my other highlight of the day. i love silly people.
have you people heard of dailypuppy.com? can i say that i'm hooked? I mean seriously. it's the best collection of puppy photos. . . you can't be crabby when you look at it (unless you hate puppies, in which case check and see if your heart is still beating). all the cute, none of the commitment.
jon stewart just used the word "acquiescence" on the daily show. he's all serious and making an argument and his eyebrow is all furrowed. be still my heart. jon stewart is on my top five. you know. the top five. smart and funny. funny wins!
ok. sleepytime now.
Thursday, August 30, 2007
Wednesday, August 29, 2007
Business Time
William practically begged me to put this up on the blog. I admit, it's hilarious. And no, we don't have HBO, so sorry if you've all seen this before:
Also, it just happens to be a coincidence that it's actually Wednesday. Don't actually infer anything about that. William just happened to see this for the first time today. thanks, William's co-worker. We're gonna be hearing about this one for a while.
Also, it just happens to be a coincidence that it's actually Wednesday. Don't actually infer anything about that. William just happened to see this for the first time today. thanks, William's co-worker. We're gonna be hearing about this one for a while.
molly mail
well, today marks a new, crazy day: molly got mail. seriously. from petsmart. that super makes me giggle. it was the only thing in our mailbox, which made me laugh even harder.
since my parents are out of town, my grandma is taking molly during the day. my grandma had a full run-down of their day's events together--two big walks, followed by snacks, and she had picked me a bagful of tomatoes out of her garden. sweet! my grandma is pretty awesome, if you don't already know her. thanks, gram.
it was gorgeous out today, finally, and wow did that ever help my mood out. the one concerning thing: it's only 8:30 and it's dark out. like streetlamps are on. nooooo! nooooooo! i am officially protesting the end of summer. like, totally protesting. it's not going to happen, people.
pretty quiet day in the neighborhood, today. that's not always a bad thing, either.
tonight i took molly out for her regularly scheduled short walk, and i looked up into our place. i could see our magenta wall, covered in framed photos done mostly by william, i could see the brick wall, i could see our super kickass light hanging over our island. it looked warm and cozy and hip and home-y. i stood out there, with that perfect 70-degree breeze blowing, and smiled. it was nice that i was looking at my own home, and i was happy.
since my parents are out of town, my grandma is taking molly during the day. my grandma had a full run-down of their day's events together--two big walks, followed by snacks, and she had picked me a bagful of tomatoes out of her garden. sweet! my grandma is pretty awesome, if you don't already know her. thanks, gram.
it was gorgeous out today, finally, and wow did that ever help my mood out. the one concerning thing: it's only 8:30 and it's dark out. like streetlamps are on. nooooo! nooooooo! i am officially protesting the end of summer. like, totally protesting. it's not going to happen, people.
pretty quiet day in the neighborhood, today. that's not always a bad thing, either.
tonight i took molly out for her regularly scheduled short walk, and i looked up into our place. i could see our magenta wall, covered in framed photos done mostly by william, i could see the brick wall, i could see our super kickass light hanging over our island. it looked warm and cozy and hip and home-y. i stood out there, with that perfect 70-degree breeze blowing, and smiled. it was nice that i was looking at my own home, and i was happy.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
the puddles gather rain
it's still raining. gah. it's too much people, it is seriously affecting my mood.
we need to go to the grocery store super mondo-plus bad. like, tonight was the last of the last of the crap to put together to make a semblance of a meal. must. go. to. buy. groceries.
i had a bad day.
william and i have this thing where we've projected these lives and conversations on our dog. it's a terrible dog-owner habit. but it's gotten out of control. we just got into an argument about whether molly was a stripper briefly before coming to minnesota. she wasn't, people. she never stripped. bodybuilding, yes. president of mexico, yes. her only thoughts about bacon and carnitas, of course. i draw the line at stripping.
does that look like a stripper to you?
speaking of molly, we had another super funny encounter with a random stranger and molly. we were sitting at a stoplight, and i was driving. molly was sitting on william's lap, her head out the window (as usual). a guy in a cutlass-type car, fully tinted windows, pulls up next to us. Suddenly, the back window starts to go down, niiiice and slow. the driver leans back—yes, his seat was so far back, he could look out the back window—looks at william and molly, and says, "nice cockapoo, man!"
that is funny for approximately 6790932132896345498872343.009 reasons.
i know that my jaw dropped to the floor. i started to giggle. the guy looked over at me, smiled and nodded his head. i meant to say thank you, but i couldn't make the words come out. it was maybe the funniest thing that has happened all summer. i can't believe i didn't blog about this before.
this is us laughing about the incident. molly is wearing an "aloha girl" t-shirt that william's mom found somewhere:
we need to go to the grocery store super mondo-plus bad. like, tonight was the last of the last of the crap to put together to make a semblance of a meal. must. go. to. buy. groceries.
i had a bad day.
william and i have this thing where we've projected these lives and conversations on our dog. it's a terrible dog-owner habit. but it's gotten out of control. we just got into an argument about whether molly was a stripper briefly before coming to minnesota. she wasn't, people. she never stripped. bodybuilding, yes. president of mexico, yes. her only thoughts about bacon and carnitas, of course. i draw the line at stripping.
does that look like a stripper to you?
speaking of molly, we had another super funny encounter with a random stranger and molly. we were sitting at a stoplight, and i was driving. molly was sitting on william's lap, her head out the window (as usual). a guy in a cutlass-type car, fully tinted windows, pulls up next to us. Suddenly, the back window starts to go down, niiiice and slow. the driver leans back—yes, his seat was so far back, he could look out the back window—looks at william and molly, and says, "nice cockapoo, man!"
that is funny for approximately 6790932132896345498872343.009 reasons.
i know that my jaw dropped to the floor. i started to giggle. the guy looked over at me, smiled and nodded his head. i meant to say thank you, but i couldn't make the words come out. it was maybe the funniest thing that has happened all summer. i can't believe i didn't blog about this before.
this is us laughing about the incident. molly is wearing an "aloha girl" t-shirt that william's mom found somewhere:
Monday, August 27, 2007
writing it all down
i'm starting this thing where i'd like to be writing here every day. even if it's a short entry.
william's grandma and grandpa hung calendars on their wall and recorded details of days' events, even if it was just the temperature and the amount of fish they caught. and now they have like fifty years of days where they can look back. their own farmers' almanac. something, that i'm sure will be much sweeter for their relatives to look at and remember.
back in the day, i blogged anonymously, and after a while, it was sometimes up in the two-to-four entries a day category. not all of them were good, but it was good exercise, good therapy, good practice. and now i look back and there are definitely moments there that i wouldn't remember if not for my writing. which is sad, because some things are so joyful, some are so awful... how could i forget? of course, that was anonymous blogging, and so the nature of the blogs change once you know that a)people are actually reading you, and b) that you might be writing about life experiences that might affect them--those that you know and love. that's ok though. sometimes i get afraid my memory is getting worse, which upsets me further when i think about that two of my favorite people in the whole world died from illnesses that eventually completely erased their memories and reprogrammed them with incorrect ones.
memories aren't accurate anyway. and when we write about them, i've learned, we are, in a way, cannabalizing our own memory, just like how when you play a game of telephone the words change. it's better than letting all those things get buried.
i just read one of my favorite blogs, from the back nine, and she reveals her mom's diary pages, which were often just four or five fragmented sentences that bring floods of memories back for her. or even small insights into her mother in a way she wouldn' t have understood at the time. (here i'm just conjecturing--i just feel i might be able to get that somewhere down the line).
in any case, the challenge is on for myself. i need to do more writing, be more creative, nurture that. i do love blogging, i do love writing, and therefore, i should do more of it. your comments and emails egg me on further. thanks for those. keep them coming.
ok, so on the list today besides that:
i hate money. hate it, hate it, hate it. i have to get better at managing it (although i've come a long way already, i still have a ways to go). i also need to actively seek out some freelance jobs because i need some extra cash lately. weddings! expensive! no matter how you cut it! plus a girl needs some fall work clothes, and stat. well, sort of stat. it's still august, i know.
also. i need to find some ways to focus all my nervous and bad energies. i would like to, besides write more, which often helps... work out. i know. i hate working out. i think i hate it more than the average person. but i'm getting to an age... agh... where i think my metabolism is slowing down. and no, i'm not heavy by any means, but i am out of shape and getting not toned and i'm stressed out all the time and it's good for me anyway, so i should find a way to do it, even when i'm tired and want to veg (which is all the time), and find something that's marginally fun. i think yoga and pilates would be perfect for my energy and frustration problems, but i also need to take brisk walks, do some resistance training, and maybe get some tennis in (i do so love tennis). but it's a lack of time and ... will power, i guess.
william is right now watching a show called fat march. he says "you can't even make that shit up!" is that why i'm thinking about this?
william's grandma and grandpa hung calendars on their wall and recorded details of days' events, even if it was just the temperature and the amount of fish they caught. and now they have like fifty years of days where they can look back. their own farmers' almanac. something, that i'm sure will be much sweeter for their relatives to look at and remember.
back in the day, i blogged anonymously, and after a while, it was sometimes up in the two-to-four entries a day category. not all of them were good, but it was good exercise, good therapy, good practice. and now i look back and there are definitely moments there that i wouldn't remember if not for my writing. which is sad, because some things are so joyful, some are so awful... how could i forget? of course, that was anonymous blogging, and so the nature of the blogs change once you know that a)people are actually reading you, and b) that you might be writing about life experiences that might affect them--those that you know and love. that's ok though. sometimes i get afraid my memory is getting worse, which upsets me further when i think about that two of my favorite people in the whole world died from illnesses that eventually completely erased their memories and reprogrammed them with incorrect ones.
memories aren't accurate anyway. and when we write about them, i've learned, we are, in a way, cannabalizing our own memory, just like how when you play a game of telephone the words change. it's better than letting all those things get buried.
i just read one of my favorite blogs, from the back nine, and she reveals her mom's diary pages, which were often just four or five fragmented sentences that bring floods of memories back for her. or even small insights into her mother in a way she wouldn' t have understood at the time. (here i'm just conjecturing--i just feel i might be able to get that somewhere down the line).
in any case, the challenge is on for myself. i need to do more writing, be more creative, nurture that. i do love blogging, i do love writing, and therefore, i should do more of it. your comments and emails egg me on further. thanks for those. keep them coming.
ok, so on the list today besides that:
i hate money. hate it, hate it, hate it. i have to get better at managing it (although i've come a long way already, i still have a ways to go). i also need to actively seek out some freelance jobs because i need some extra cash lately. weddings! expensive! no matter how you cut it! plus a girl needs some fall work clothes, and stat. well, sort of stat. it's still august, i know.
also. i need to find some ways to focus all my nervous and bad energies. i would like to, besides write more, which often helps... work out. i know. i hate working out. i think i hate it more than the average person. but i'm getting to an age... agh... where i think my metabolism is slowing down. and no, i'm not heavy by any means, but i am out of shape and getting not toned and i'm stressed out all the time and it's good for me anyway, so i should find a way to do it, even when i'm tired and want to veg (which is all the time), and find something that's marginally fun. i think yoga and pilates would be perfect for my energy and frustration problems, but i also need to take brisk walks, do some resistance training, and maybe get some tennis in (i do so love tennis). but it's a lack of time and ... will power, i guess.
william is right now watching a show called fat march. he says "you can't even make that shit up!" is that why i'm thinking about this?
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
fishie, fishie in deer lake
. . . let me take you home to bake.
that was what i used to chant when i was little and went fishing with my dad at our cabin. i think it's my customized version of a real nursery rhyme, but i couldn't tell you what it was.
in any case, i am attempting to get outta dodge today for the real minnesotan experience: going up north. we're heading up with some family to spend the rest of the week/weekend fishing and playing cards and reading and all those lazy summer cabin things that people here do.
"up north" also means "no access to anything remotely technological," so there won't be any posts, probably until sunday. there is no such thing as the internet, and my cell phone works only intermittently up there. we get, i think, one station, which comes out of duluth (two and a half hours away). so it's total unpluggedness. think of it as kd unplugged, like when mtv actually had good music programming. (not that i don't love my hills...but we could use some good videos here and there).
have a wonderful rest-of-week, and i'll be saving up some stories for posts when i get back!
that was what i used to chant when i was little and went fishing with my dad at our cabin. i think it's my customized version of a real nursery rhyme, but i couldn't tell you what it was.
in any case, i am attempting to get outta dodge today for the real minnesotan experience: going up north. we're heading up with some family to spend the rest of the week/weekend fishing and playing cards and reading and all those lazy summer cabin things that people here do.
"up north" also means "no access to anything remotely technological," so there won't be any posts, probably until sunday. there is no such thing as the internet, and my cell phone works only intermittently up there. we get, i think, one station, which comes out of duluth (two and a half hours away). so it's total unpluggedness. think of it as kd unplugged, like when mtv actually had good music programming. (not that i don't love my hills...but we could use some good videos here and there).
have a wonderful rest-of-week, and i'll be saving up some stories for posts when i get back!
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
a nip here, a tuck there
I just caught this on the JQ Lounge--fascinating. You have to check it out. See how celebs are airbrushed...Lindsay Lo, JT, Cameron Diaz, Eva Longoria, and more. really. it will make you feel better about yourself. not because i revel in imperfections of celebs--because people have gone crazy with photoshop. it's all fake. yes, those people are naturally beautiful, but the photo people are making them into fembots. and then we think that's the norm.
i think the most striking one was brittany murphy. click on the photo, then roll your mouse around and it shows the before and after. creeeeepy.
we are humans, people!
i think the most striking one was brittany murphy. click on the photo, then roll your mouse around and it shows the before and after. creeeeepy.
we are humans, people!
things my fiance has done in the last two days
first off, i should clarify that william and i don't regularly watch the hills together. that was only the first time, but i think he likes the show and will "tolerate" me watching it—getting to watch guilt-free.
but since we're on the topic of things william does that are pretty great, i have to take a few moments to brag.
william has put up with all my comings-and-goings lately. long nights, early mornings, dropping molly off for me, picking her up, not complaining that i'm never around (as i would if the situation were reversed), withstanding my crabby moods and talking me out of them, tolerating that i had to go to a swank work party on friday night without him, and was out of town for a wedding saturday and most of sunday. william hasn't worked since friday afternoon, and he's not much for sitting around, really. so he has:
cleaned almost our entire place
taken stuff to goodwill to donate
built a frame for a curtain for our entertainment center (which he also built)
looked for fabric at fabric stores
bike ride
finished his lovely oil painting
moved my car so i wouldn't get a ticket
did our laundry
bathed/groomed molly
cut his hair
changed the oil (meaning, not valvoline) in his car
made me dinner tonight
called and emailed me to see how my day was going
helped me do the dishes and clean up even though he cooked
poured me wine
then he just kissed me and said "I love you, Smalls. I miss you when you're not here. I like to be with you."
what? does it get any better than this?
but since we're on the topic of things william does that are pretty great, i have to take a few moments to brag.
william has put up with all my comings-and-goings lately. long nights, early mornings, dropping molly off for me, picking her up, not complaining that i'm never around (as i would if the situation were reversed), withstanding my crabby moods and talking me out of them, tolerating that i had to go to a swank work party on friday night without him, and was out of town for a wedding saturday and most of sunday. william hasn't worked since friday afternoon, and he's not much for sitting around, really. so he has:
cleaned almost our entire place
taken stuff to goodwill to donate
built a frame for a curtain for our entertainment center (which he also built)
looked for fabric at fabric stores
bike ride
finished his lovely oil painting
moved my car so i wouldn't get a ticket
did our laundry
bathed/groomed molly
cut his hair
changed the oil (meaning, not valvoline) in his car
made me dinner tonight
called and emailed me to see how my day was going
helped me do the dishes and clean up even though he cooked
poured me wine
then he just kissed me and said "I love you, Smalls. I miss you when you're not here. I like to be with you."
what? does it get any better than this?
Monday, August 20, 2007
space case
background: katie is sitting on couch, wearing pajama pants and tank top. william and katie are watching the hills.
william: [pointing at katie's pj pants] are those astronaut pants?
katie: [stares blankly, crickets chirp]
william: [undeterred] because your ass looks outta this world in them!
katie: [resumes watching the hills] ha.
william: this is what you learn when you take a vacation day—bad pickup lines!
william: [pointing at katie's pj pants] are those astronaut pants?
katie: [stares blankly, crickets chirp]
william: [undeterred] because your ass looks outta this world in them!
katie: [resumes watching the hills] ha.
william: this is what you learn when you take a vacation day—bad pickup lines!
Sunday, August 19, 2007
home again, home again.
wow, what a whirlwind weekend, again. friday i had one of my very last half-day fridays (sad!), but it allowed me to have some time to get ready for a big fundraiser/fashion show here in minneapolis, which my company helped sponsor, so that was good. i had the BEST hair. when i get a picture i'll post. it was crazy! i told my hairdresser to do whatever to make me look fabulous. i ended up with BIG hair, with sort of this pinned-to-the-side updo, with big loops of hair pinned down....sort of a modern take on a beehive (right up my alley). i was thrilled. she's the best. as for the fashion, i loved the collections from calvin klein (as always), alberta ferretti, temperley. . . it was fun.
then the next morning, up early to drive to see a good friend marry his high school sweetheart. it was a heartfelt, sweet, hippie-influenced wedding. i was so happy for both of them and wish them the best. they live in montana now, and i miss them!
i got home today to my darling almost-husband and sweet fluffcake of a dog. it felt good coming home to them, as it always does. seriously. i feel so lucky to be part of a household like this. it was rainy and dark and gloomy all weekend--more like november than august--and we laid around and read the paper and quasi napped and read our fall issues of magazines that have come in the mail and ate some cheese that i bought on the way home (i drove through wisconsin, after all).
one hot shower later, i'm feeling sleepy and needing more rest. but i only work monday and tuesday this week, and then i have the rest of the week off!!! how exciting. i think we're heading to my parents' cabin. it will be good to get away for a few days. pray for sun. . .
can i say also that i am thrilled and excited but terrified to go see the new halloween movie? they are the only horror movies that really scare me. the commerical just came on and i had to pick my feet up off the ground.
i thought i had all these thoughst about marriage to write about when i sat down but i'm really just spent.
so this craptacular entry will have to do for now, so sorry. will write more later. yawwwwwnnnnnnn.....
then the next morning, up early to drive to see a good friend marry his high school sweetheart. it was a heartfelt, sweet, hippie-influenced wedding. i was so happy for both of them and wish them the best. they live in montana now, and i miss them!
i got home today to my darling almost-husband and sweet fluffcake of a dog. it felt good coming home to them, as it always does. seriously. i feel so lucky to be part of a household like this. it was rainy and dark and gloomy all weekend--more like november than august--and we laid around and read the paper and quasi napped and read our fall issues of magazines that have come in the mail and ate some cheese that i bought on the way home (i drove through wisconsin, after all).
one hot shower later, i'm feeling sleepy and needing more rest. but i only work monday and tuesday this week, and then i have the rest of the week off!!! how exciting. i think we're heading to my parents' cabin. it will be good to get away for a few days. pray for sun. . .
can i say also that i am thrilled and excited but terrified to go see the new halloween movie? they are the only horror movies that really scare me. the commerical just came on and i had to pick my feet up off the ground.
i thought i had all these thoughst about marriage to write about when i sat down but i'm really just spent.
so this craptacular entry will have to do for now, so sorry. will write more later. yawwwwwnnnnnnn.....
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
crazy life
hi kids.
this has been a crazy week again. working a lot, and running around a lot at night too. it's the fast-track to exhaustion. really. it gets to the end of the night and i'm tired and braindead.
this weekend there's more stuff, a big event for work and an out-of-town wedding, so excuse the lack of post-age. i will try the next couple days though. although i'm not that interesting right now.
we put half the money down on our ceremony and photgraphy in maui though. i can't believe we're really going to do it. maui! i'm getting married in maui! weird. it's a big thing to look forward to when things are so stressful in other areas of my life. if i have a really bad day, i look up images on google of hawaii and i'm transported to the happy place. :) otherwise i call friends, talk to william, or just go to bed. i have been having trouble fallnig asleep before midnight lately. that's bad. i need a lot of sleep.
ok, enough with the boringness of my daily asinine thoughts. here's a post i was working on, and wanted to work on more, but if i continue to work on it, it will never get posted.
Things I Am Afraid Of (not ranked):
1. bugs
2. spiders
3. centipedes
4. bugs
5. snakes
6. Actually, I have a saying “no fur, no feathers, no good”
7. The ghost activities at my parents’ house
8. people I know dying or being sick
9. failure
10. loneliness
11. change
12. sometimes I’m afraid of getting over my anxieties because then what do I do? I know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But fears are not rational.
13. feeling helpless
14. when I open my trunk, something scary/bad will be in there. This is only sometimes.
15. When it’s dark and you turn off the tv and it glows. Hate that. Something is coming out of that screen.
16. Car accidents
17. One particular scene from the exorcist, but not the whole movie
18. I get claustrophobic when shirts get stuck on, especially in dressing rooms. It induces this stupid panic that I know is ridiculous but happens nonetheless.
19. Childrens’ loss of innocence.
20. Mediocrity
21. Presidential hijacking of power
22. Global warming
23. Not doing things because I’m too scared/intimidated—usually I find I love those things if I can open myself up to them enough.
24. Clowns
25. flying
Things I am not afraid of (also not ranked):
1. public speaking
2. loving people
3. heights (as long as I am on a stable surface, which I consider rollercoasters a stable surface)
4. I can put myself in my “journalist mode” and approach people at bars, on sidewalks, or cold calls and talk away—people I’d maybe even never approach personally. If I am not in journalist mode, I sometimes have to work to get myself there to do it.
5. Bats (as long as they’re outside)
6. Getting married
7. Writing personal things that people read
8. Most scary movies (except Halloween films and that one scene mentioned above)
I spend a lot of time with my neuroses. I nurse them, enable them, fret about them. I fret about fretting.
I have been a worrier since day one. I don’t know why. I’ve gotten much better over the years—and have gotten over some fears—but still many anxieties linger, and I’ve developed some new, healthy-sized ones. I’ve always wished I could worry less. I’ve always wished I could confront change without fear—even with welcoming arms. I have wished on occasions that I could get over it so that I could try something or do something, and I’ve let it hold me back. I am not one of these people that believes if you are afraid of spiders, you have to let them crawl on you to get over it. That would just induce a complete and total meltdown. I have suffered panic attacks. I have allowed small things to get me really down. I am a very sensitive person.
As time has worn on, though, I’ve given myself permission to be that way. We’re all hardwired, in a sense, to be our personalities. And that permission has allowed me to get over certain anxieties without even realizing it… they’ve just vanished into the ether. Still, it sometimes invokes a melancholy, a frustration, too much thought. And regret.
After I finished school, which was the one thing I thought I was really good at, I wondered what was next. What else can I overachieve at? (I don’t care that there’s a dangling preposition there.) I still haven’t figured it out. What are my next steps?
I would like to:
Take ballroom dance classes
Take cooking classes
Plant a garden
Write a book
Get published in a national magazine
Play guitar well
Do more crafty things
Learn to knit
Travel the world (Iceland, China, Thailand, somewhere in Africa, Poland, Ireland, Belize, Russia, Spain, and yes, Jennie, Paraguay)
Be a good money manager
Live joyfully and in the moment
Take more time to appreciate what I have than think about the what-ifs and should-haves
Enjoy my accomplishments (I must have some, right?) and help people enjoy theirs
Feel helpful
Make people feel good
Be a good dog-mom
Make more killer CD mixes ( I love doing this but haven’t had a lot of time lately)
Have more energy
Never regret
Like exercise
Sorry for the list form. I just don’t have the energy/creativity to actually write a story that shows, rather than tells. Forgive me.
this has been a crazy week again. working a lot, and running around a lot at night too. it's the fast-track to exhaustion. really. it gets to the end of the night and i'm tired and braindead.
this weekend there's more stuff, a big event for work and an out-of-town wedding, so excuse the lack of post-age. i will try the next couple days though. although i'm not that interesting right now.
we put half the money down on our ceremony and photgraphy in maui though. i can't believe we're really going to do it. maui! i'm getting married in maui! weird. it's a big thing to look forward to when things are so stressful in other areas of my life. if i have a really bad day, i look up images on google of hawaii and i'm transported to the happy place. :) otherwise i call friends, talk to william, or just go to bed. i have been having trouble fallnig asleep before midnight lately. that's bad. i need a lot of sleep.
ok, enough with the boringness of my daily asinine thoughts. here's a post i was working on, and wanted to work on more, but if i continue to work on it, it will never get posted.
Things I Am Afraid Of (not ranked):
1. bugs
2. spiders
3. centipedes
4. bugs
5. snakes
6. Actually, I have a saying “no fur, no feathers, no good”
7. The ghost activities at my parents’ house
8. people I know dying or being sick
9. failure
10. loneliness
11. change
12. sometimes I’m afraid of getting over my anxieties because then what do I do? I know that makes absolutely no sense whatsoever. But fears are not rational.
13. feeling helpless
14. when I open my trunk, something scary/bad will be in there. This is only sometimes.
15. When it’s dark and you turn off the tv and it glows. Hate that. Something is coming out of that screen.
16. Car accidents
17. One particular scene from the exorcist, but not the whole movie
18. I get claustrophobic when shirts get stuck on, especially in dressing rooms. It induces this stupid panic that I know is ridiculous but happens nonetheless.
19. Childrens’ loss of innocence.
20. Mediocrity
21. Presidential hijacking of power
22. Global warming
23. Not doing things because I’m too scared/intimidated—usually I find I love those things if I can open myself up to them enough.
24. Clowns
25. flying
Things I am not afraid of (also not ranked):
1. public speaking
2. loving people
3. heights (as long as I am on a stable surface, which I consider rollercoasters a stable surface)
4. I can put myself in my “journalist mode” and approach people at bars, on sidewalks, or cold calls and talk away—people I’d maybe even never approach personally. If I am not in journalist mode, I sometimes have to work to get myself there to do it.
5. Bats (as long as they’re outside)
6. Getting married
7. Writing personal things that people read
8. Most scary movies (except Halloween films and that one scene mentioned above)
I spend a lot of time with my neuroses. I nurse them, enable them, fret about them. I fret about fretting.
I have been a worrier since day one. I don’t know why. I’ve gotten much better over the years—and have gotten over some fears—but still many anxieties linger, and I’ve developed some new, healthy-sized ones. I’ve always wished I could worry less. I’ve always wished I could confront change without fear—even with welcoming arms. I have wished on occasions that I could get over it so that I could try something or do something, and I’ve let it hold me back. I am not one of these people that believes if you are afraid of spiders, you have to let them crawl on you to get over it. That would just induce a complete and total meltdown. I have suffered panic attacks. I have allowed small things to get me really down. I am a very sensitive person.
As time has worn on, though, I’ve given myself permission to be that way. We’re all hardwired, in a sense, to be our personalities. And that permission has allowed me to get over certain anxieties without even realizing it… they’ve just vanished into the ether. Still, it sometimes invokes a melancholy, a frustration, too much thought. And regret.
After I finished school, which was the one thing I thought I was really good at, I wondered what was next. What else can I overachieve at? (I don’t care that there’s a dangling preposition there.) I still haven’t figured it out. What are my next steps?
I would like to:
Take ballroom dance classes
Take cooking classes
Plant a garden
Write a book
Get published in a national magazine
Play guitar well
Do more crafty things
Learn to knit
Travel the world (Iceland, China, Thailand, somewhere in Africa, Poland, Ireland, Belize, Russia, Spain, and yes, Jennie, Paraguay)
Be a good money manager
Live joyfully and in the moment
Take more time to appreciate what I have than think about the what-ifs and should-haves
Enjoy my accomplishments (I must have some, right?) and help people enjoy theirs
Feel helpful
Make people feel good
Be a good dog-mom
Make more killer CD mixes ( I love doing this but haven’t had a lot of time lately)
Have more energy
Never regret
Like exercise
Sorry for the list form. I just don’t have the energy/creativity to actually write a story that shows, rather than tells. Forgive me.
Saturday, August 11, 2007
flower power
ok, here are the flowers i want to carry at my wedding. they don't have to be exactly like this, but along this order of things.
more updates later! must run.
more updates later! must run.
Friday, August 10, 2007
the tough go shopping
so i've been on a budget diet since i moved in with william, and even more so now that we're saving for a wedding. i can't say it's all been bad. i'm not great with numbers, everyone knows that, but my favorite form of therapy is shopping. which compounds the problem. i can say that since meeting william my credit score has gone from dismal to very respectable (even surprising to me) though. and that's been no easy feat.
but.... you can't take the shop out of the girl. it's been what feels like AGES since i've been shopping and it's starting to hurt. :) i have the shakes, people! i need to shop!
well the other thing is that i haven't had TIME to shop. so the other day when i had a break, i took a lovely stroll through the virtual anthropologie and found the following items:
these are the oh-my-god-i-want-them-so-bads:
these are more like damn-these-could-work-with-a-lots:
these are the hmmmm-yes-i'll-take-a-pair-they're-so-retros:
and last, the i-know-they're-too-tall-but-i'll-try-them-on-anyways:
well, that helped a little bit. the tough need to make more money. . .
but.... you can't take the shop out of the girl. it's been what feels like AGES since i've been shopping and it's starting to hurt. :) i have the shakes, people! i need to shop!
well the other thing is that i haven't had TIME to shop. so the other day when i had a break, i took a lovely stroll through the virtual anthropologie and found the following items:
these are the oh-my-god-i-want-them-so-bads:
these are more like damn-these-could-work-with-a-lots:
these are the hmmmm-yes-i'll-take-a-pair-they're-so-retros:
and last, the i-know-they're-too-tall-but-i'll-try-them-on-anyways:
well, that helped a little bit. the tough need to make more money. . .
Monday, August 6, 2007
some wedding details
i'm going to attempt to upload some details about the wedding now that they are starting to appear. we'll see how this goes . . .
first, my sister's dress:
adorable, no? its the perfect color, i think, and will look so great on her fab shoulders and upper arms (she is nice and toned and has great shoulders).
i bought approximately forty boxes of these candles at ikea for the backyard reception for all over the place:
and these too:
and then i got some of these for the guests on the beach to stay cool:
then i'm going to make eleventy million of these to hang from the trees and also to hang in the tent we're going to rent so that it doesn't look like a tent. the colors should be a magenta, a tangerine, and a lime green. i think.
so here's an approimxation of the flowers that i want, although i don't want it to be this big or springy all over the place. the one i want was in the winter 2007 instyle weddings, but isn't online anywhere that i can find, including the florists' website. weird. the one i like has way more lime green leaves arond the outside, is more tightly bound, and has some yellow macara orchids and yellow ranunculus in it. but you get the idea.
i also have a photo of my wedding dress, but i don't want william to see it. i'd be glad to email it to people who are interested enough to ask.
we also bought a bunch (thirty) tiki torches for the backyard and up the driveway, so that's awesome. we got them on clearance for $2 apiece! summer clearance is great, because then we can get stuff for next year for super cheap. yay for that!
we're really starting to come along now. 294 days to go!
first, my sister's dress:
adorable, no? its the perfect color, i think, and will look so great on her fab shoulders and upper arms (she is nice and toned and has great shoulders).
i bought approximately forty boxes of these candles at ikea for the backyard reception for all over the place:
and these too:
and then i got some of these for the guests on the beach to stay cool:
then i'm going to make eleventy million of these to hang from the trees and also to hang in the tent we're going to rent so that it doesn't look like a tent. the colors should be a magenta, a tangerine, and a lime green. i think.
so here's an approimxation of the flowers that i want, although i don't want it to be this big or springy all over the place. the one i want was in the winter 2007 instyle weddings, but isn't online anywhere that i can find, including the florists' website. weird. the one i like has way more lime green leaves arond the outside, is more tightly bound, and has some yellow macara orchids and yellow ranunculus in it. but you get the idea.
i also have a photo of my wedding dress, but i don't want william to see it. i'd be glad to email it to people who are interested enough to ask.
we also bought a bunch (thirty) tiki torches for the backyard and up the driveway, so that's awesome. we got them on clearance for $2 apiece! summer clearance is great, because then we can get stuff for next year for super cheap. yay for that!
we're really starting to come along now. 294 days to go!
Wednesday, August 1, 2007
bridge under troubled water
today should be a perfect summer minnesota night by most standards. clear, the air finally dehumidified after the sauna of the daylight, even kind of quiet and breezy. but tonight is a sad night, the breeze punctuated with sounds of sirens in all directions—the disaster noise.
tonight, as many of you have already heard, a freeway bridge collapsed into the mighty mississip, loaded down with cars during our ridiculous otherwise-completely-normal rush hour. at 6:05, from what i understand, those on the 35W bridge, bumper to bumper, likely cursing their standstill and the crap DJs play on the radio, felt a rumble not unlike an earthquake, and then suddenly the world as they knew it fell away, plunging them into the river like so many matchbox cars.
my first thought wasn't terrorists although i'm seeing that bandied about on cable channels. my first thought was that it was simply a mistake. i was at target with william, picking up groceries before we headed over to my parents' house to pick up molly. suddenly i got several voicemails at once. my phone kept dying as i tried to check them. i figured it was the reception at the target. finally i heard my mom's message, which had that trademark eileen concern--the voice that i can't bear hearing after my dad's sickness, because it means something really bad happened. i called her back immediately, and luckily got through. she of course was checking my location--panicked taht i hadn't answered the phone. we're all ok--my whole family.
in a way, this feels like the earthquake in california where the infamous bridge collapsed (i think during the world series?). it feels like any other natural disaster, calling into mind 9/11 (but not the terrorist thing, nor the far-reaching effects). just wanting to keep friends and family close, making sure everyone's all right, amid sirens and terrible cell phone reception (the emergency vehicles and everyone's frantic calling tied the system up).
my cousin in ohio (hey lyn!) actually called my mom to tell her--she saw it on CNN before my mom realized that something had happened.
at least six are dead. many more are hurt. some seriously. there are at least fifty cars in the river. a schoolbus full of children are OK. they walked away. not everyone was so lucky. my coworker called me to make sure i was ok. she had heard from others (who all use that bridge every day of their lives). i don't. but i'll think twice when i cross another one.
it will be a long time before we return to normal--when we find out who we've lost, who we've hurt, and how we're going to get to work.
i was standing in line at target when the bridge in minneapolis collapsed. like any other day. but like another disastrous day in our too-near history, i won't soon forget where i was when it happened.
tonight, as many of you have already heard, a freeway bridge collapsed into the mighty mississip, loaded down with cars during our ridiculous otherwise-completely-normal rush hour. at 6:05, from what i understand, those on the 35W bridge, bumper to bumper, likely cursing their standstill and the crap DJs play on the radio, felt a rumble not unlike an earthquake, and then suddenly the world as they knew it fell away, plunging them into the river like so many matchbox cars.
my first thought wasn't terrorists although i'm seeing that bandied about on cable channels. my first thought was that it was simply a mistake. i was at target with william, picking up groceries before we headed over to my parents' house to pick up molly. suddenly i got several voicemails at once. my phone kept dying as i tried to check them. i figured it was the reception at the target. finally i heard my mom's message, which had that trademark eileen concern--the voice that i can't bear hearing after my dad's sickness, because it means something really bad happened. i called her back immediately, and luckily got through. she of course was checking my location--panicked taht i hadn't answered the phone. we're all ok--my whole family.
in a way, this feels like the earthquake in california where the infamous bridge collapsed (i think during the world series?). it feels like any other natural disaster, calling into mind 9/11 (but not the terrorist thing, nor the far-reaching effects). just wanting to keep friends and family close, making sure everyone's all right, amid sirens and terrible cell phone reception (the emergency vehicles and everyone's frantic calling tied the system up).
my cousin in ohio (hey lyn!) actually called my mom to tell her--she saw it on CNN before my mom realized that something had happened.
at least six are dead. many more are hurt. some seriously. there are at least fifty cars in the river. a schoolbus full of children are OK. they walked away. not everyone was so lucky. my coworker called me to make sure i was ok. she had heard from others (who all use that bridge every day of their lives). i don't. but i'll think twice when i cross another one.
it will be a long time before we return to normal--when we find out who we've lost, who we've hurt, and how we're going to get to work.
i was standing in line at target when the bridge in minneapolis collapsed. like any other day. but like another disastrous day in our too-near history, i won't soon forget where i was when it happened.
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