Done being an adult

Some days, I really want to give back my title of Adult and take back the title of Child.

Today is especially one of those kinds of days.

It started out with opening a piece of mail that was a magazine subscription offer. i was being offered the SENIOR DISCOUNT.

SENIOR DISCOUNT.
.
.
.
SENIOR DISCOUNT!

I am not that much of an adult.

Then, more adult-world-type problems ensued. And want to take care of those problems by writing a note in crayon that I am running away and bringing a peanut butter and jelly sandwich to eat behind the big cottonwood tree in my parents' former backyard.

Now, how can I go about trading in that title?

The Last Week

My illness is not interesting but it's the only thing I got. Sorry.

The last week I have been plagued by one (1) frightening case of what I think was wicked deep circle of hell heartburn, then chest pains, and an intermittent feeling like Molly might be sitting on my lungs, which sometimes causes me to cough.

I put off calling the doctor for, well, seven (7) days—after all, it was better than the stomachaches—but finally it occurred to me that perhaps chest pains are a sign of Get Thee to the Emergency Room, and according to WebMD, that actually you are supposed to contact your doctor immediately (emphasis from WebMD).

Hey, did you know if you mention chest pains in a voicemail to your doctor, you get an almost-immediate call back?

Unfortunately that means I have to go off the pills for a few days, then return at a half a dose. Which means, the aches and symptoms are baaaaa-aaack (a little Poltergeist reference for Halloween), a most regrettable situation.

I'm pretty sad. Pretty fed up. Kinda depressed. No real writerly words for this. Just a lot of icked-out bummed-ness.

Sleepless in St. Paul

Please, Sleep, wherever you are, please come back to me.

Spending time on hold for unemployment screwups is not my idea of a good time; especially when my payments are getting delayed and I'm sleep deprived.

Working on tiny details and remembering every little thing for everything I have to do in the next two weeks: not easy when sleep deprived.

Bah.

all the small things

Hm, let's see.
There are a lot of changes afoot that I kinda choose not to talk about here. And that's kinda consuming at the moment. I don't mean to be coy or keep anything from y'all. Just, a better idea not to.
I'm feeling better, thanks for the well wishes. I haven't checked out the hive register but it was fading as of this morning. if I think about it, I let it drive me nuts.
Molly, however, got into the trash big time last night while we were off caucusing. Normally she doesn't do stuff like this, so that sucked to come home to coffee grounds and various and sundry other things we'd consumed over the week. The really bad part was that I could tell she ate a LOT. So there was a lot of puking that happened. Poor thing, she kept walking around with her ears down, and breathing loudly (nearly whining), and shifting around on the floor uncomfortably. I felt so bad for her! I kept telling William we should do something, but there was nothing to really be done but let it run its course. She did puke and have an accident today with my parents, but luckily they weren't toooo mad (Thanks, dad!). It helps that she looks like a walking teddy bear. And she got groomed this weekend and looks especially adorable (I can't bring myself to take the bows out of her ears). Tonight she was snuggled up with her bunny toy on the couch, using her sad cocker eyes to her full advantage.
We are registered the three places we are supposed to be registered! Hooray! My wedding bands are bought! Double hooray! William's cooking on some ideas for his.
I'm reading a super interesting book called The Chemistry of Joy. This doctor has married Western biochemistry and medicine with Ayurvedic and Buddhist practices to make a diet (no, it's not really a diet fad book)that helps your brain and serotonin function optimally. There's a lot of personality analysis, and it's especially geared toward people with depression, but I think there are a lot of interesting tips and tools, and I also think it increases understanding of mental illness, thus releasing the stigma, and that's a good, good thing. If you are interested in wellness at all, it's a great read.
My adorable yellow coat came in the mail today. I got it on a super awesome deal (even better than what's currently posted.) Check it out.

Also, I ate the best grapefruit in the world tonight. I just sat and read my magazine and savored every little juicy, red, pulpy bite. And as you may know, grapefruit is one of those superfoods that's so great in every way, so the fact that it tastes like candy is just a huge bonus. And that was a nice little moment in my day.
Also nice moments: William carrying my dirty laundry up to the laundry room to help me out, pulling warm laundry out of the dryer. Leaving work while the sun was still out. Giggling at William's jokes on the way home. watching American Idol and Project Runway.
Today was a rough day, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. Not bad, right?

winter warmth

today i said: it felt warm out today.
and my dad said: yeah, it really did. well, it is 24 degrees.
something is wrong with the world when 24 feels warm. like winter.

working on finding fonts for the wedding invites.

it's been a long day. and i am not getting enough sleep.i am allowing my night-owl tendencies to take over, when i really, really shouldn't. mornings are brutal for me, under even the best of circumstances. i hate the lack of light.

i'm tired. i must lay down. i just felt bad; i haven't been blogging a whole lot since november ended. bad me.

three and a half hours.

forgive me for not being personality-plus today. i had three meetings get rescheduled or canceled. i had to cancel plans with a friend. i had to go to the dentist. it took me THREE AND A HALF HOURS to get home today. 12 miles. 3.5 hours. almost all freeway driving. you do the math. add to that the seriously frantic need-to-pee feeling. mm hmm.
now: i ate some quick dinner, and am on the couch with william and molly. ahhh. . . i'm home. finally. and i'm fried, so we'll talk later. love you!
updated to add: I think also that someone told me I needed a makeover today. wow. way to crush the spirit, dude.

groundhog's day

So, do you remember that book "alexander and the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day"?
substitute my name. and make day plural.
unfortunately it's not something i should get into here, but suffice it to say i'm drained and tired and something like frustrated.
and that leaves me with no drive to do anything besides get busy at throwing a pity party and watch the office.
if anyone else wants to join me, i'm over here, on my couch, in my bathrobe, eating brie.

bridge under troubled water

today should be a perfect summer minnesota night by most standards. clear, the air finally dehumidified after the sauna of the daylight, even kind of quiet and breezy. but tonight is a sad night, the breeze punctuated with sounds of sirens in all directions—the disaster noise.
tonight, as many of you have already heard, a freeway bridge collapsed into the mighty mississip, loaded down with cars during our ridiculous otherwise-completely-normal rush hour. at 6:05, from what i understand, those on the 35W bridge, bumper to bumper, likely cursing their standstill and the crap DJs play on the radio, felt a rumble not unlike an earthquake, and then suddenly the world as they knew it fell away, plunging them into the river like so many matchbox cars.
my first thought wasn't terrorists although i'm seeing that bandied about on cable channels. my first thought was that it was simply a mistake. i was at target with william, picking up groceries before we headed over to my parents' house to pick up molly. suddenly i got several voicemails at once. my phone kept dying as i tried to check them. i figured it was the reception at the target. finally i heard my mom's message, which had that trademark eileen concern--the voice that i can't bear hearing after my dad's sickness, because it means something really bad happened. i called her back immediately, and luckily got through. she of course was checking my location--panicked taht i hadn't answered the phone. we're all ok--my whole family.
in a way, this feels like the earthquake in california where the infamous bridge collapsed (i think during the world series?). it feels like any other natural disaster, calling into mind 9/11 (but not the terrorist thing, nor the far-reaching effects). just wanting to keep friends and family close, making sure everyone's all right, amid sirens and terrible cell phone reception (the emergency vehicles and everyone's frantic calling tied the system up).
my cousin in ohio (hey lyn!) actually called my mom to tell her--she saw it on CNN before my mom realized that something had happened.
at least six are dead. many more are hurt. some seriously. there are at least fifty cars in the river. a schoolbus full of children are OK. they walked away. not everyone was so lucky. my coworker called me to make sure i was ok. she had heard from others (who all use that bridge every day of their lives). i don't. but i'll think twice when i cross another one.
it will be a long time before we return to normal--when we find out who we've lost, who we've hurt, and how we're going to get to work.
i was standing in line at target when the bridge in minneapolis collapsed. like any other day. but like another disastrous day in our too-near history, i won't soon forget where i was when it happened.