I Tried It: Bikram Yoga

Armed with some bravado and two friends, I attempted Bikram yoga last night.

(Psst: That's also known as hot yoga, usually a 90-minute practice in a room heated to 105 degrees.)

I think our class was a beginner class, so it was heated to 90 degrees and it was an hour-long practice of Vinyasa yoga. (Psst: Vinyasa yoga is more about flowing between poses rather than practicing them separately. Think: sun salutes and such.)

There is a yoga studio offering a free week of classes in a yuppie neighborhood in St. Paul (lovely, but definitively yuppie). I was a little reluctant to leave my "You can do it!" atmosphere at the Y for something I knew would be a little more serious and competitive. And laced with teeny-tiny girls with amazing flexibility and balance. But, I thought, life is short, say yes to adventures (especially with friends), do one thing every day that scares you, and I've been doing yoga for a year now, so it's time to put it to the test.

I was right about the atmosphere. One friend noted that she felt like she was in the middle of a clique and didn't fit in. That's why you do these things with friends, if you can. ;) The class was packed, and there wasn't enough room to fully feel like you had enough space. Like, I could reach out and touch my neighbor, who didn't know me, and most definitely would not appreciate my sweaty limb on hers.

My other deal was the instructor. She was nice, and maybe even helpful, but she was way too cheerleadery for my taste. Not that it has to be super hippy-dippy chakra examination talk, but it was hard to stay in the zone when she was saying, "Noooow, iiiiiinhale! EEEEeeeeexhale!" as though she was at a pep rally. And she sounded a little scripted. But I did like that she kept the focus on moving forward, letting go, and realizing you aren't always going to do everything perfectly. I need that reminder, often.

The gym was nicely appointed, and there were many drool-worthy items from Lululemon and other swank gym accessories/clothing companies in the shop area. The locker room was like a spa.

The hot yoga room itself wasn't as suffocating/saunalike as I expected it would be. Although my heart was racing like two sun salutes in, I assume in response to the heated room. The lighting was nice and dim, there was ample mirror space, and I liked the music they played (if it was a little loud).

About halfway in, I was really, really sweating. As in, dripping on my mat. I didn't mind the sweat (that's part of the point) as much as it was physically problematic for my mat and my hands and feet staying in place. I had a hot yoga towel, but it didn't have the little skid bumps underneath, like the fancy ones the sell in the lobby. I would not suggest the Gaiam quick-dry towels they sell for this purpose at Target, if you're worried about your footing at all. It just slides around too much on the mat. But it DOES have great sweat-vacuum properties and though it's yoga-mat shaped, could be good for gymming overall.

There were a couple of poses I just couldn't quite get through—probably because I haven't been hitting the gym as much lately. BUT, I felt a noticeable difference in my flexibility. Like, I TOUCHED THE FLOOR last night in a forward fold, people. I've only done that one other time in all my yoga history and I swear it was a fluke, or that I dreamed it. I TOUCHED THE FLOOR! (Cue Rocky theme here.)

I also—and this doesn't quite make sense to me logically—felt more balanced during the tree pose and other balance poses. Maybe just because my muscles thought they were hanging out on the beaches of Hawaii instead of a cold gym in the middle of winter. As a total freezebaby, I loved the heat.

Overall though? A nice free hour of yoga. An escape from the icy clutches of winter. An hour of sweat and exercise. Time with two friends who I don't get to see nearly often enough. And the realization that I CAN keep up (mostly) with fancier places. I CAN do this.

Namaste, bitches!

It's So Hard to Say Goodbye...

This morning, I got up at 5 a.m. I showered, put on my makeup, and got dressed in the dark, so that Wm could sleep til our usual wakeup time.

It felt like a normal day, except it was early, and I was going to say goodbye to my best friend.

About two and a half years ago, C and I sent the Kilipino, our other best friend, off to South America, to join the Peace Corps. It was the hardest thing I'd had to do with my friends, to see one of them get on a plane and know that definitively, our lives diverged at this point. We were here, she was there.

And it doesn't matter how supportive you feel and excited you are for that person--you still have that corner of your heart that feels sad. And it's for multiple reasons: one, you're not going along for the adventure; two, you know that things will not be the same. The rest of the reasons just sort of spiderweb out from that and are small but sting all the same--your friendship just doesn't have the same immediacy when you can't dial up the phone and talk about the latest. We'll have a twelve-hour time difference between us.

It doesn't even mean it's all bad; but no one can remain unchanged, and we're all moving forward at a different pace, or on a different path, with our life plans. A little reminder that we're all growing up.

Last spring, C told me that she was going to go to Thailand for a semester to teach. After the total shock wore off, I rallied into excitement mode. The rest of the year was spent in preparation; helping myself get used to the idea, starting to plan a trip to visit, and keeping her spirits up if ever they faltered.

But still, even though I've been in this place before, in an airport, crying, knowing this person will be chasing their dreams ... it was hard. it was hard to say goodbye, even if it's just a "pause." Even if it's just a couple of months -- and haven't I been talking about how fast time has been going lately? I had convinced myself that this goodbye would not be difficult. It would be joyous and I would say the right thing and feel just fine afterwards. But after waving at her one last time as she walked through security, I had a tough time reining in the tears. OK, I cried. A lot.

This is a friend who extends far past the term friend. When you've been close for more than twenty years, that person is your chosen family. We know nearly all the things about each other there is to know--for instance, when she said last night, "I never sleep the night before flying." I said "I know," and shot her a pointed look--indeed, we've shared that before our own trips together. We laughed then.

We grew up just three short blocks from each other; we began playing together as soon as our parents would let us cross the busy street by ourselves. We met each other halfway each time; indeed, people must have seen us walking the neighborhood daily. We rode bikes, our hair blowing out straight behind us, transitioning from little kids in terrycloth shorts to teenagers, from corduroys to flannel shirts and Doc Martens, braces and too-skinny bodies, secrets and rumors, drivers' licenses and boyfriends, dance clubs and library research, high school graduation and college graduation, plus all the challenges life tends to throw your way once in a while, just to see if you're still paying attention.

There have been a million transitions we've faced together, and always come out the other side. This challenge will be no different. But I'm here and she's there. She hasn't even touched down in Bangkok yet, but I already miss her. My little friend group has dispersed; they're there and Im here. Things will feel just a little emptier while she's gone.

Falling

Yesterday, I went in the mall with one of my BFFs, the friend I've had the absolute longest, who happens to be leaving the country in three weeks to teach English for six months. (I will then lack a best friend that lives in the state, my little tri-shaped cocoon broken up by geography.)

When we came back out of the mall a couple of hours later, the temperature had dropped a good 10 to 15 degrees. The wind was blowing, and the sky looked menacing. The thin hoodie and yoga pants I was wearing (yeah, I really care about my appearance lately) were not enough, and we ran for the car, giggling about how she wasn't going to miss the cold winter. I told her that no one else runs screaming to the car like we do when it's cold...so now I'm just going to look insane when I do it by myself.

Again, today was dark and cloudy and threatened rain. It was a long, swirling ball of stress and more-than-intermittent frustration, running here and there, my patience (never known for its long fuse) shorter than usual.

Suddenly, friend-adventures abound in my life; babies (my GOD the babies; what water all are these women drinking? I think I now roundabouts 20 people who are pregnant or gave birth this year), weddings (again, around 20 people), travel, blazing new pathways through our quasi-adulthood. Seasons are changing.

I'm so, so excited for all these people and their wonderful news. Seriously, I love getting the news that someone's engaged or pregnant or off to fulfill a life dream, and I get super crabby when people aren't supportive of everyone's good fortunes. I've noticed lately that there's a lack of genuine excitement for other people and I'm working hard to combat that jealous force all by myself, if I have to. And their good newses end up cheering my OWN moods, and I rely on them when I'm feeling like the world is tipping off its axis just a little bit.

But still. It forces me to evaluate my own life. I'm struggling to find my next adventures, my own life path, my own dreams, whatever they may be. But that doesn't change my happiness or excitement for everyone else--hell, if they pursue their dreams, it inspires me to do the same.

I have to say that tonight, as I walked through the door after an extralong day, those fall clouds parted a little upon seeing my darling husband chopping garlic for our dinner.

A Special Mention

So, a few days ago I did the A to Z survey and I had put in a link to the Kilipino, my BFF living in Paraguay. We've been friends since we were about 15, right before we had our driver's licenses. Dudes, we've been friends for ... uh ... wait for it ... THIRTEEN years. We've managed to stay friends through a lot of growing up, a lot of changes.

But anyway, for some reason, the link didn't publish, and I never looked at the published post. the other day I was looking for something else, and realized it never came through.

I felt terrible. And by that I mean, I totally panicked. I knew she'd been to the blog, read it, and probably secretly felt bad, but never mentioned it. I immediately texted her even though it was 4 in the morning or some crap where she is, explaining the technical error.

The next day I called as soon as I could, my heart racing.

I told her of the mistake, and my ensuing terrible feelings about it, and after she heard the panic in my voice, she laughed. I was still completely mortified so I reiterated approximately 500 times how it was a mistake and how I felt bad about it. And that I didn't forget her. And that she has a secure place among my family and close friends. Always. She laughed some more, the connection between us crackling, but never failing.

She's been away almost two years, and big, huge, life-changing events have happened to both of us in that time, but it hasn't seemed to matter in terms of our ability to stay close.

Even when she's 2,000 light years away, we laugh like hell together, she sends a get-well note to my recovering dad, and tears fill my eyes if I think too closely about how much I miss her.

I miss: long drives with the windows down and the heat on, music blasting, going to concerts and holding hands through the best songs, finding snacks, random acts of silliness, long talks (we have to be super efficient since it's expensive to call back and forth), cheap thrills, late night giggles, browsing at Cheapo Records, the simple act of spending time together (we're proud of our ability to hang out for hours on end without saying a word), irritating our siblings. I think I miss her hugs the most.

There are still so many things that we still enjoy together: sometimes we call each other just to laugh like crazy, talking be damned; we have managed to stay close despite our ten-minute conversations (we give the Micromachines man a run for his money, but panic when the operator tells us we have one minute remaining); we still shop (just now online) together; we send each other notes; we still daydream about the future. We sometimes still act like we're 16, against our better instincts.

I've said many times that I have had a Kilipino-shaped hole in my life since she left, but I've realized it isn't exactly true. I still have so much of her in my life, and I'm proud we've made it this far.

So that's the story about one of my BFFs. And maybe now you'll understand why I was so mortified to find out the link disappeared when it published. And why it was important for me to set the record straight. Both to her personally and to my online life.

More stories of awesome friends to come.

Past Lives

I got to have dinner tonight with some friends from high school, ones that I have run into occasionally since high school but not been able, for one reason or another, to spend much time with.

It was really nice to catch up with people that I feel like are an important part of my "past life"--so much time has passed--but we grew up together. It's a long way from borrowing Mom's car, and going to tennis matches or band practice. We have lives! Husbands! One has children! And I feel like even though it's natural to drift some, I wish I'd been there for their important days.

Still, like my Lillies, we pick up and talk, and they are some very kind, wonderful women who have evolved as my friends throughout the years.


Must sleep. Post for day: done! Nablopomo, you ain't got nothin' on me this year.

Friends in Newsy Places

I have a set of friends that I used to spend nearly 40 hours a week with (more with happy hours or get-togethers) that now I'm lucky to see a few times a year.

My first job out of college was in a place that I will call Place that Time Forgot. It was like somewhere along the line, this newsroom stopped paying attention to Father Time, and walking through its doors were like walking through the ugly part of the '70s. We're not talking Jane Birkin here, we're talking... Well, I wasn't alive then but you know what I'm getting at. Frayed cords, holes in the tiling, my computer ran on Mac OS (no number after it) and barely got internet. I learned to report the old-fashioned way, hitting up City Hall, making a lot of phone calls, and even pasting up stories on big ol' storyboards.

The first week of my job, I went home every single day crying. I hated it. I had no idea what was going on. People in the city were mean, demanding, and very intent on swaying my news coverage to what THEY wanted to be said. I was too young and frankly, too scared, to stand up for myself.

I don't know when it is that you start to magically bond with new friends, but I was in a newsroom smaller than my loft, with people running 11 papers out of the doors every week. We were all about the same age, and we were all journalists, young idealistic writers, who felt like maybe life wasn't all it was cracked up to be--you mean, my college degree got me $20k a year and no benefits?--but you might as well have fun while you're at it.

Suddenly, each day was more fun as we teased each other, listened sympathetically to each person's problems, and made the newsroom a tolerable place to be.

They were my first friends that I met outside of school, save for one, who had taken a class with me in college. It was barely any time at all before I considered them my good friends.

It's been interesting to see how we've grown and changed as we make our way through adulthood. What was once many late weeknights out, drinking our fill, we are now tired on Fridays, heading home earlier, eager to tend to our growing families or to catch an extra hour of sleep. We've become eerily responsible, with mortgages and marriages, not flying by the seat of our pants quite like we used to. But it's ok. I think we've turned into pretty respectable adults.

What I have is a collection of friends where we can just pick up where we left off. We are all different people but we share a common thread, we shared some heady youthful days together. Whether it was drunkenly stealing a chunk of gouda from a catering table, sneaking out of work to shop at Target, sitting outside eating burritos for lunch....when life gets tough, they never back away, ready with a hug, a free lunch when you get laid off, or coffee and laughs. But mostly, hilarity ensues.

Thanks, my friends. It was so good to see you last night.

It's Been One Week

I have not had a job for a week. It has been a wild rollercoaster of emotion. I swing from feeling sorry for myself to just plain sad. Frustrated at the loss of a four-year investment, my career, my energy, my creativity—all in a single half-hour. Clean out your desk, we're done. And yeah, I'm angry. I feel totally demoralized, degraded, and lost. Occasionally, but only occasionally, I feel a thrill of freedom, of possibility, and of opportunity. But that part has been very fleeting.

People have been saying that usually after a storm like this, something really great comes out of it. I hope so. But the idea of launching this full-scale search, of figuring out what's next, resumes, cover letters, interviews, freelancing . . . it is all so, so, so daunting.

Strangely, for a crybaby such as myself, I haven't cried that much. Just a couple jags. I really have been trying to just focus on what I do now. What I can do today. So far, that's included a couple of lunches (more on that later), some errand running, signing up for a media group, and lots of talking.

One great thing that came out of being able to be off of work was meeting Doahleigh! She's in Minneapolis for a business trip, and I live here and currently have no schedule! I picked her up at her hotel--so fun, I already knew who she was, so it was like picking up an old friend. And we picked up right away with conversation—also fun. She's just a doll. We had lunch at Spoonriver—continuing our [mostly internet] parallel lives, we ordered the same thing—and had dessert at Cupcake (mine was Razz-ma-tazz, a combo of chocolate cupcake, raspberry jam, and frosting, and hers was Orange Dream). Mine was super tasty, I think Doahleigh liked hers, too. We had a lovely time talking and driving around the Twin Cities! She is incredibly fab. So if you don't read her already, go check her out. It made me wish she lived here! Finally I could have the real-life get together you California readers talk about. Doahleigh took a couple pictures...I did not. I am bad. So you'll have to check out her recap when/if she writes one. Hooray!

Other things: Thank God I have a dog. Molly keeps me lots of company during the day, and if she notices I'm getting upset about anything, she has adopted this habit of lying on my lap, paws aloft, and gazing at me until I giggle. She also has been putting one of her front paws on my heart if I start to yell or express crabbiness. I don't know where that is coming from, but consider me a pile of mush when it happens.

I am so lucky that I have a wide support net to catch me during this freefall. It is sucking mightily, and I appreciate all the encouragement.

falling over you

so, let me set the scene:
i am wearing my favoritist pink dress coat, the single-breasted one with cabbage roses printed on the lining, the one that gets me muy compliments wherever I go, the one that makes me feel pretty. i am also wearing a slate-ish blue bridesmaid dress, purposely hemmed to the floor. it's strapless and has a fairly big, swishy skirt. underneath my dress (i know, this is getting interesting, right?) i'm wearing mary jane tennis shoes from sketchers and knee-high stirrup softball socks (i know, may-juh letdown). i have on my ginormous mittens, which are brown leather on the outside and sheepskin on the inside (so warm, you wouldn't believe). i'm scooting along, fast as i can, becasue despite my socks—which were a wardrobe requirement for my sporty friends who had just married—it's frostbite city outside. it's about 30 below with the windchill, and the wind is blowing. william is behind me about twenty feet, carrying a big heavy bag which contains (but doesn't contain very well) our wedding present for the couple. he's carrying in from the bottom, becuase the present was so heavy, the handles broke long ago. we're about a half block from the reception site. i can feel my satin skirt getting icy, rapidly.
a gust of wind blows, and william says, fairly panicked, "babe! the tissue paper!"
i whip around, to see all the tissue paper he packed into the bag, blowing over his head, obscuring his face and floating behind him. as i whip around, my skirt wraps around my legs. because of the tone of his voice, i overestimated the importance of this incident.
against my better judgment, i take about two steps, at which point i realize: you should not have done that. and i know, without a doubt, i am falling down. but you know, there's this weird involuntary brain thing that happens when you are about to fall down, in which you know, your body will do anything to keep you upright. so i take at least three awkwardly huge steps, pounding each one harder, before i sail to the ground. sail is actually far too graceful a word. although william says from his vantage point, i looked like a ball player, diving for home plate, with stirrup socks clearly visible.
and i slid. do you know how i remember?
my coat. my coat is covered in dirt. gross parking lot frozen-over mud puddle and exhaust-frosted dirt. i can tell my arms were slightly bent when i hit the pavement because it's painted on where the wrinkles come up around the elbows. also because my left arm has been hurting ever since. i can now raise it above my head, but it is almost wednesday.
i don't know if pink coat is going to make it. we'll see what the dry cleaner has to say. otherwise i might be in the market for a new coat.
surprisingly i only have two bruises, one on my elbow and an ugly one on my knee. you'd think i'd have more, considering sometimes i bruise just glancing off the coffee table.
let me tell you, i laughed like hell. falling down is one of the funniest things ever to me, as long as everyone survives without broken bones. but i won't lie, my first instinct is to laugh. every time, unless it's an elderly person. i could not stop laughing. i popped up quickly, according to william. and he said, not unlike his first comment, "babe! it's ONLY tissue paper!" he asked if i was okay, but i couldn't even respond due to my laughter and trying to continue to scoot inside. once i was moving again, i noticed my skirt was scuffed up! people kept trying to brush it off all night, but no, i took the color off it.
no, i had not been drinking yet.
it didn't hurt me too much on the dance floor.

me and bride:


ostensibly laughing about falling yet again:

i never said nothing

i just caught a second of liz phair on vh1. and can i say, that it was an awesome peak point to an otherwise low day? she is so sexy! and it was a 90s clip and the song made me heart race. plus. her music. goes right to my heart every time.
liz phair is one of my idols. i feel silly being 27 and saying that. but i love her. i'll never tire of exile in guyville....and i know that's so cliche. but it is a "rad record" as jewel was quoted as saying. it's so intricate, the lyrics are so good. whip-smart is great too. i even like her pop stuff (most liz fans don't).
i even wrote women's studies papers about her lyrics.
so imagine the total and complete paralysis that came over me when i was about 10 feet from her, and she looked into my eyes, and said, "hello!" and she looked genuine and interested and it caught me so off guard.
but before that happened. . . kilipino said to me, "don't turn around, and act cool, because liz phair is coming this way." i totally thought she was joking. but she was not.
i'm not sure what look crossed my face, but i had a physical reaction. i could feel my heart racing, my knees getting weak. like the cutest boy in high school suddenly noticed i existed. that's the closest thing i can use to describe it.
i was lucky to share this moment with two friends, kilipino and fatty.
some guy came out of nowhere and asked her to sign an album. it was about this moment that it was really liz. like really. i remember she said "i will, but i have to go in there [gestures towards tour bus] but i'll be back and do it then."
we looked at each other in wide-eyed surprise. we hadn't intended to be standing outside her tour bus, but we were without much realizing it, as we were playing the "what do you want to do now?" "i don't know," game. suddenly, here was liz.
thanks to kilipino, we got autographs when liz came off the bus. (she had a sharpie in her purse). we also got photos. liz asked US if we wanted to take photos. thanks again to kilipino, who is known for having EVERYTHING in her purse, we have photos.
seriously, liz phair put her arm around me, put her face against mine (imagine my shock, i was trying to maintain a respectable distance so she didn't feel creeped out), and we took a picture. i was rendered so brainless, i could barely eke out a thank-you. after the oh-so-sweet interaction, we walked away, shaking.
i called my brother, and left him a message on his answering machine, which started out with me talking quietly, but finished with "LIZ PHAIR TOUCHED ME!" kilipino called her brother, who upon hearing we had in fact touched liz phair, asked 'so are you reeking of female sexuality now?' why yes, yes we were.
we get into the car (fatty had parted ways with our crazed selves). we pull up to the first stoplight, where an unsuspecting biker is waiting for the light to change. kilipino rolls down the window. and yells. "HEY! liz phair just TOUCHED MY BEST FRIEND!" the poor guy practically fell off his bike.
if you know either me or kilipino in real life, you know once the idea came to us to yell this news. . . we couldn't resist. just once wasn't enough. poor people the whole way home (and yes we took some detours) were treated to us yelling this phrase over and over. we were just so excited, we had to tell the whole world. as usual, we were each other's best audiences.
we just laughed and laughed and laughed and shouted as if this maniacal but joyous yelling confirmed that what had just taken place was not some kind of dream. it was real. i laughed so hard that night it occurred to me that i shouldn't be operating a car. my stomach hurt, my cheeks hurt, tears were streaming out of my eyes. i can remember kilipino's infectious giggle echoing down grand avenue.
it was a perfect summery night in minnesota. it was our glory ride.

every time i see you fall . . .

today i went to the airport and had my reunion (with two other very close friends) love-actually style, with the kilipino. she has been away since february, and so much has happened--and stayed the same--since then.
i was overwhelmed, like completely overwhelmed, when the tv lit up at the baggage claim and i knew for sure the flight was coming in. i started to cry before i even saw her. the tears started flooding when i turned around and she was running down the hallway towards us. it felt so good to hug her, to actually have proof of her after very hurried phone calls or hastily typed gmail chats.
the kilipino and i have known each other through a lot. we have been friends now for eleven years... since when our parents had to give us a ride somewhere. then through drivers licenses, proms, college, first jobs, life crises. she has always been there for me when i have fallen. she sings me songs on the phone. she cries if i cry. and if something goes well, she is right there, jumping and screaming and dancing with me. she is funny as hell. i swear that sometimes she has ESP. she knows the right thing to say or do, she picks up on little cues. her kind of friendship is so rare, something i am learning the older i get. i was talking to her mother tonight, and she was saying to me how important it is to have friends with history, people who will be with you through everything, grow old with you.
i have a kilipino-shaped hole in my life while she lives in paraguay, yet i was so for this, so want her to do this and succeed, wholeheartedly. i love how happy she is. it's weird to think that on my wedding day, she will be an eleven-hour plane ride (or more—to hawaii it'd be like 20 hours)—a hemisphere away. but i know i will still feel her.
i'm so lucky to have a few friends who fall into this category, who know me inside and out, who know my imperfections and downfalls, my weaknesses, and still love me. and consider me a friend to them. we have supported each other through ups and downs, be it outside forces or between ourselves, for a long time. today in the airport, i could feel it physically, a pull, my steps quickening, a squeeze, my tears, her tears, my friends' tears. it was like suddenly, seeing her, my heart ached that much more for how much i have been missing her, now having her close to me.
the emotions are so close to the surface today. just bubbling right underneath my skin, cells pulsating. tears at the ready. overjoyed. overwhelmed.
my cup runneth over.

the weather outside is frightful

long, wonderful day. christmas with the will side of the family. lots of good food, nice gifts, and baby-holding. will post details later.
tomorrow, one of my bestest friends in the whole wide world is coming home from paraguay after being away for ten months (it's just a short break, then she goes back). i miss her like crazy and yet it's been a pretty fast ten months. i'm so excited to see her. . . i'm too excited to sleep.

thanksgiving surprise

so, after i made my list of thankfulnesses yesterday, i got a phone call from a breathless best friend. the conversation went as follows:

w: hello?
c: did you get my text message?
w: no
c: what are you doing?
w: what did it say?
c: it said, 'what are you doing?'
w: oh. sitting here, in my sweats, on the couch?
c: are you just hanging out with william then?
w: i guess you could say that. he's playing video games. . .
c: ah. so. . . can i come over?
w: [insert it was 8:30 pm] sure. why? what are you doing?
c: just never mind. ok, i'm coming over.

ok. hm. my mind goes into overdrive. it's 8:30 the night before thanksgiving, she wasn't upset, so no crisis. . . what could it be?
she shows up, 15 minutes later, with her boyfriend in tow. i barely let them in before i ask, 'ok, what's up?"
she says, "exciting news. .. " and rubs her hands together. i have no idea what might come next.
"we're coming to hawaii!!!!
i screamed for real. i jumped up and down, we hugged and cried. it's an expensive trip. we had talked that she wouldn't be there. i had come to terms with that. it wasn't easy knowing that two of my bestiest friends wouldn't be at the wedding. (the other is in paraguay).
immediately, we start talking shop. the boys talk sports.
she couldn't believe i wasn't on to her. she had asked me lot of detail questions lately about the wedding, but i figured she was just staying the loop.
i'm so happy about it. i can't even describe.
so i guess that whole thing about counting on your happinesses brings more happinesses. i'm sure there's a saying for that but it escapes me right now. i'm too busy daydreaming about maui.
five months!

grateful day

i'm going to list my gratefulnesses early. so sue me. they are numbered, but not ranked. please don't confuse.

1. i have a darling fiancé that loves me. he also encourages me to be goofy sometimes, and that is such a good thing.

2. i complain a lot about money, but i am grateful that i have a good job that i'm good at.

3. thank you for health insurance.

4. i have been surrounded by strong, empowered women my whole life: my mom, my sister, both my grandmas, various other female influences (thanks to my high school and college teachers, coworkers, etc.)

5. i have not forgotten girlfriends. thank GOD for my girlfriends. i am so lucky to have each and every one of them. they each bring out different parts of me, but still we fit well together.

6. the men in my life: what can i say? i am a daddy's girl through and through. my brother is one of my best friends. he makes me laugh uncontrollably. william already got a mention. my friend fatty--we can talk about anything for hours.

7. i love that my little car, sideswiped as it may have been, is still cute--and most importantly--running! with little maintenance (knock on wood several times).

8. i can turn up the heat when i get cold. i also have a couple winter coats, scarves, and mittens.

9. i graduated from college. i have an education no one can take away from me.

10. i'm not afraid of public speaking.

11. i have a dog that is excited to see me, every time she sees me. even if i was just in the bathroom. god is that a great thing.

12. i haven't traveled extensively but i have traveled. i have been to aruba, new york city (w/william), washington dc, chicago, michigan, iowa (for cherry 7up, thanks to fatty), florida (spring break, cindy!), prague (with my mommy), hawaii, aruba. all my travels have made me a better person.

13. my mom and dad are healthy (again, knock on wood). this is obviously one of my sensitive issues, and i think about it every day. yay healthy!

14. my life isn't perfect, but a lot of it has held happiness for me. today's a day to focus on it. (and tomorrow). and always.

15. everything is going mostly as planned for the wedding.

16. dr pepper

17. coffee

18. my favorite thai restaurant

19. the nice people at my favorite chinese restaurant.

20. i live in a loft that is all ours. and i'm happy with what's inside it, too.

21. i've gotten to see most of my favorite bands live.

22. oranges, pineapples, tomatoes, cheese. and the money to buy them.

23. i can sleep like a rock any time i need to, mostly.

24. i laugh easily; the downside is that i also cry easily

25. i can call my family my friends; my friends my family.

26. you're still reading! i love all my new internet/blogging friends. i really do.

mostly, i am thankful for good health, loved ones whether they are related or not, and safety and security. when it comes down to it, that's the most important stuff, and i've got that in spades. so what if i don't have the latest designer jeans. right? right?

happy thanksgiving.i hope you have lots to be thankful for, too.

sweatpants lapdance

i swear i was going to post last night. admittedly, it would've been right before the deadline. but when i got home, my internet wouldn't work! so i am posting as soon as i can. our internet has been intermittent lately. that doesn't disqualify me, does it? :(

last night i went to my usual grey's and girls night--as you can probably figre out from the title, we watch grey's anatomy and hang out with the girls. i had a little chipotle with ang first, and then we watched the shows. as usual, there were lots of giggles and jokes and fun times. i have really come to cherish my thursday nights with my girls. it's like a little mood lift towards the end of the week, and because of the show's regularity, we make sure we're together regularly, too. it's a good setup. as you can see from the title, the main show of the night was a brief dance from one of my sweatpant-ed friends (we do not dress up for this; pj's encouraged).

ok, i must run, but there will be another post today.

intranets

the internet is a fabulously strange thing. i googled myself tonight and i'm kinda freaked out by it. and same with googling the blog. and then finding out where people are reading from, also kind of weird. i mean, not the people i know in real life that know about the blog, or the people that i know from my blog life. but there's something very strangely intimate when you suddenly realize people from several suburbs over are reading your blog, several times per day.
so. it's great, and fun, and i have met so many fun, amazing people already, and i absolutely love it.
but if you're reading and you haven't said hi, could ya? it would put my mind at ease to know who's out there. i don't see anything so weird as saying hi and introducing yourself if you come into my word house.
and welcome! i'm glad you're here.

my big news for today is not my big news really, but it is big news:
my friend r (not the same r that comments here) had a baby! how exciting. she called me about twenty minutes afterward (speedy!) and i cried. i'm so happy for her. the older i get, the more i realize what a crazy miracle having a baby is. i can't wait to smell him. new baby smell, mmmmmmm. i am going to kiss him like crazy. congrats, my love!

william had a pretty great dream last night--he woke up telling me about it. he dreamt that we had a little baby boy. (Maybe he was feelin' r's contractions--sympathy pains.) the dream was so real and so intense, he said, that he was changing the baby and the baby peed on him, and he could feel the heat of it. this makes me giggle. william has had several dreams about his kids. and they say women get baby fever . . . ;)

tonight i had to call my brother. who is the awesomest brother in the whole widest world. and i know i'm his adoring little sister and all, but he's really funny. i love to laugh at him. so anyway, i call him, and he picks up the phone, and it's LOUD in the background. it sounds like he's at a bar. then he begins singing into the phone: "hold on loosely, and don't let go... if you cling too tightly, you're gonna lose control!" it took several moments to get him under control, all right, and to say hello. he wasn't at a bar. he was in his car, rocking out on a road trip. come on. you know you love 38 special, don't go rolling your eyes. in any case, i nominate this song for his next karaoke effort, if he were to ever do karaoke. i laughed really hard and might have been my other highlight of the day. i love silly people.

have you people heard of dailypuppy.com? can i say that i'm hooked? I mean seriously. it's the best collection of puppy photos. . . you can't be crabby when you look at it (unless you hate puppies, in which case check and see if your heart is still beating). all the cute, none of the commitment.

jon stewart just used the word "acquiescence" on the daily show. he's all serious and making an argument and his eyebrow is all furrowed. be still my heart. jon stewart is on my top five. you know. the top five. smart and funny. funny wins!

ok. sleepytime now.