writing it all down

i'm starting this thing where i'd like to be writing here every day. even if it's a short entry.

william's grandma and grandpa hung calendars on their wall and recorded details of days' events, even if it was just the temperature and the amount of fish they caught. and now they have like fifty years of days where they can look back. their own farmers' almanac. something, that i'm sure will be much sweeter for their relatives to look at and remember.

back in the day, i blogged anonymously, and after a while, it was sometimes up in the two-to-four entries a day category. not all of them were good, but it was good exercise, good therapy, good practice. and now i look back and there are definitely moments there that i wouldn't remember if not for my writing. which is sad, because some things are so joyful, some are so awful... how could i forget? of course, that was anonymous blogging, and so the nature of the blogs change once you know that a)people are actually reading you, and b) that you might be writing about life experiences that might affect them--those that you know and love. that's ok though. sometimes i get afraid my memory is getting worse, which upsets me further when i think about that two of my favorite people in the whole world died from illnesses that eventually completely erased their memories and reprogrammed them with incorrect ones.

memories aren't accurate anyway. and when we write about them, i've learned, we are, in a way, cannabalizing our own memory, just like how when you play a game of telephone the words change. it's better than letting all those things get buried.

i just read one of my favorite blogs, from the back nine, and she reveals her mom's diary pages, which were often just four or five fragmented sentences that bring floods of memories back for her. or even small insights into her mother in a way she wouldn' t have understood at the time. (here i'm just conjecturing--i just feel i might be able to get that somewhere down the line).

in any case, the challenge is on for myself. i need to do more writing, be more creative, nurture that. i do love blogging, i do love writing, and therefore, i should do more of it. your comments and emails egg me on further. thanks for those. keep them coming.

ok, so on the list today besides that:
i hate money. hate it, hate it, hate it. i have to get better at managing it (although i've come a long way already, i still have a ways to go). i also need to actively seek out some freelance jobs because i need some extra cash lately. weddings! expensive! no matter how you cut it! plus a girl needs some fall work clothes, and stat. well, sort of stat. it's still august, i know.

also. i need to find some ways to focus all my nervous and bad energies. i would like to, besides write more, which often helps... work out. i know. i hate working out. i think i hate it more than the average person. but i'm getting to an age... agh... where i think my metabolism is slowing down. and no, i'm not heavy by any means, but i am out of shape and getting not toned and i'm stressed out all the time and it's good for me anyway, so i should find a way to do it, even when i'm tired and want to veg (which is all the time), and find something that's marginally fun. i think yoga and pilates would be perfect for my energy and frustration problems, but i also need to take brisk walks, do some resistance training, and maybe get some tennis in (i do so love tennis). but it's a lack of time and ... will power, i guess.

william is right now watching a show called fat march. he says "you can't even make that shit up!" is that why i'm thinking about this?