all the small things

Hm, let's see.
There are a lot of changes afoot that I kinda choose not to talk about here. And that's kinda consuming at the moment. I don't mean to be coy or keep anything from y'all. Just, a better idea not to.
I'm feeling better, thanks for the well wishes. I haven't checked out the hive register but it was fading as of this morning. if I think about it, I let it drive me nuts.
Molly, however, got into the trash big time last night while we were off caucusing. Normally she doesn't do stuff like this, so that sucked to come home to coffee grounds and various and sundry other things we'd consumed over the week. The really bad part was that I could tell she ate a LOT. So there was a lot of puking that happened. Poor thing, she kept walking around with her ears down, and breathing loudly (nearly whining), and shifting around on the floor uncomfortably. I felt so bad for her! I kept telling William we should do something, but there was nothing to really be done but let it run its course. She did puke and have an accident today with my parents, but luckily they weren't toooo mad (Thanks, dad!). It helps that she looks like a walking teddy bear. And she got groomed this weekend and looks especially adorable (I can't bring myself to take the bows out of her ears). Tonight she was snuggled up with her bunny toy on the couch, using her sad cocker eyes to her full advantage.
We are registered the three places we are supposed to be registered! Hooray! My wedding bands are bought! Double hooray! William's cooking on some ideas for his.
I'm reading a super interesting book called The Chemistry of Joy. This doctor has married Western biochemistry and medicine with Ayurvedic and Buddhist practices to make a diet (no, it's not really a diet fad book)that helps your brain and serotonin function optimally. There's a lot of personality analysis, and it's especially geared toward people with depression, but I think there are a lot of interesting tips and tools, and I also think it increases understanding of mental illness, thus releasing the stigma, and that's a good, good thing. If you are interested in wellness at all, it's a great read.
My adorable yellow coat came in the mail today. I got it on a super awesome deal (even better than what's currently posted.) Check it out.

Also, I ate the best grapefruit in the world tonight. I just sat and read my magazine and savored every little juicy, red, pulpy bite. And as you may know, grapefruit is one of those superfoods that's so great in every way, so the fact that it tastes like candy is just a huge bonus. And that was a nice little moment in my day.
Also nice moments: William carrying my dirty laundry up to the laundry room to help me out, pulling warm laundry out of the dryer. Leaving work while the sun was still out. Giggling at William's jokes on the way home. watching American Idol and Project Runway.
Today was a rough day, but I'm trying to look on the bright side. Not bad, right?

sick, day 2

hi friends. still sick. it's weird. my stomach is up and down, although today less so, but last night i broke out in hives!? i don't know if i ate something that i was allergic to (i have wracked my brain and can't think of anything) or if it's just some weird virus. stupid winter viruses!
so i took some benedryl last night but that didn't help much. eating is a slightly dangerous adventure. sleeping is fitful. how annoying! i'm just flat-out annoyed, and want to feel better. i hate skin things, and as i age, i find hives are my body's new symptom when i get sick. it's just upsetting.
so today i'm going to... lounge on the couch, probably get all cloudy with benedryl, hang with molly (she's so loving sick days), and maybe, just maybe, do some laundry. at least then i'd feel productive.
but tonight is the CAUCUS! this i will make it outdoors for. so excited!!!! i love the political process, despite how messed it is.
i also was interviewed for my opinion on the caucus by a freelance writer friend. it's going to appear today on the national magazine's website. i'll link when i see it's up.

home sick

i have had major tummyaches since yesterday, and i am not sure why. it's irritating though. so today i got all ready for work.... and realized i just couldn't go through with it. i haven't taken a sick day since last winter (!) so i guess that makes it ok to have a day off, right?
wow, the big wedding push continues. this weekend, we shopped for wedding bands. i found mine! we placed the order saturday. i'm just waiting to hear when it comes in. i'm actually getting a new engagement band, too. it's not that i didn't like my engagement ring, i really do. but i couldn't find a band that looked right with it. it's just a plain white gold band right now, and i'm changing it to something with a little bit of sparkle and shape to it. i will post photos as soon as i have some. it definitely has a vintage feel to it. william found a couple rings he really liked and wanted to think about.
we also FINALLY started our last registry, at one of our favorite stores, target. they were in the middle of turning over a lot of merchandise when we stopped in, so we'll have to go back, but at least it's started and ready to go! now we just need to get invites underway, finalize food with the caterer, get a couple travel arrangements set, rent tents and such for the reception. those are kind of the next-on-the-list things, i think.
today i'm going to try to be as productive as possible from the couch. of course i'll probably watch martha and oprah, but maybe i can find enough quarters to do laundry and straighten out some wedding things by email. i'm starting to feel sleepy, which is a good thing. i was really restless last night and woke up several times this morning, probably from the aches. so maybe i'll take a quick nap first. molly looks like she's willing to join me.
be back later.

roadmap

now that i'm entering life with another person, legally, it has changed my thinking some on the future. when i think about three years from now, i think about where william and i will be, not where 'just i' will be. i think about how those decisions might impact our relationship and our goals. i think about whether we will have enough money for a house-house, if we will have enough money and time and energy for children, if we will both be getting everything out of our careers we'd hoped, by the time we're 30.
after i graduated from college, i got a job in my field almost immediately--i was lucky. it was a rollercoaster year, where i was put in charge of a weekly city newspaper, when i hadn't even attended a city council meeting before. i was essentially thrown to the wolves on my first day (a fifteen-hour shift, ended with hysterical crying and vowing to never go back). i went back, though. and i made some lovely, lovely friends there, too. it was the beginning of my adult life. since then i've made lots of professional and personal leaps and bounds. i dated a disaster for women, i stood up for myself, i started a new job, i watched my family go through family ups and downs, i watched my friends grow and change, i fell in love.
now i'm five years (oh, how it pains me to say that number) into my career. i start thinking about all the places i want to travel, the things i want to write, or where i thought i'd be by now. i'd definitely say an overall assessment has me at meeting and even exceeding those goals, but now that i'm there, i'm not sure what my next steps are. and now we'll be making those steps together. the goals aren't quite as clear and require some kind of consensus. i keep getting told that the older you get, the more complex life gets, and the harder it can get to make changes. i've never been a person who makes changes easily (although i'm always thinking about how it will be better later, a pattern i'm trying to change). in fact, i usually go kicking and screaming into the next phase of my life, whatever aspect it happens to be, and then feel like a fool in retrospect. i eat a lot of crow.
i'm back to that saturn return feeling. i think i've posted about it before. a mix of these positive and negatives, ups and downs, goods and bads, and big life markers. milestones.
but it's difficult to know what the next milestones are, past the wedding. how to set future goals. and many times i feel like a teenager in an adult's life. until i was about 23, i knew exactly everything i wanted (good thing i didn't get it all, some of the surprises were SO worth it). i was ready and willing to work my butt off to be there. i'm still ready and willing. i'm just not always sure where 'there' is anymore. i'm lucky i have someone to take those next steps with me. at least i'll have someone holding my hand.

blur

it has been a whirlwind week or so.
this weekend we finished one registry--woo hoo!
went shopping for bands. i think we found 'em. haven't bought yet.
reading a very good book--called infidel. need to finish!
was 40 degrees today. tomorrow is supposed to be FIFTY degrees colder. and it rained. awesome. ice everywhere i bet.
intermittent stomachaches. boo.
much tired. must rest.

falling over you

so, let me set the scene:
i am wearing my favoritist pink dress coat, the single-breasted one with cabbage roses printed on the lining, the one that gets me muy compliments wherever I go, the one that makes me feel pretty. i am also wearing a slate-ish blue bridesmaid dress, purposely hemmed to the floor. it's strapless and has a fairly big, swishy skirt. underneath my dress (i know, this is getting interesting, right?) i'm wearing mary jane tennis shoes from sketchers and knee-high stirrup softball socks (i know, may-juh letdown). i have on my ginormous mittens, which are brown leather on the outside and sheepskin on the inside (so warm, you wouldn't believe). i'm scooting along, fast as i can, becasue despite my socks—which were a wardrobe requirement for my sporty friends who had just married—it's frostbite city outside. it's about 30 below with the windchill, and the wind is blowing. william is behind me about twenty feet, carrying a big heavy bag which contains (but doesn't contain very well) our wedding present for the couple. he's carrying in from the bottom, becuase the present was so heavy, the handles broke long ago. we're about a half block from the reception site. i can feel my satin skirt getting icy, rapidly.
a gust of wind blows, and william says, fairly panicked, "babe! the tissue paper!"
i whip around, to see all the tissue paper he packed into the bag, blowing over his head, obscuring his face and floating behind him. as i whip around, my skirt wraps around my legs. because of the tone of his voice, i overestimated the importance of this incident.
against my better judgment, i take about two steps, at which point i realize: you should not have done that. and i know, without a doubt, i am falling down. but you know, there's this weird involuntary brain thing that happens when you are about to fall down, in which you know, your body will do anything to keep you upright. so i take at least three awkwardly huge steps, pounding each one harder, before i sail to the ground. sail is actually far too graceful a word. although william says from his vantage point, i looked like a ball player, diving for home plate, with stirrup socks clearly visible.
and i slid. do you know how i remember?
my coat. my coat is covered in dirt. gross parking lot frozen-over mud puddle and exhaust-frosted dirt. i can tell my arms were slightly bent when i hit the pavement because it's painted on where the wrinkles come up around the elbows. also because my left arm has been hurting ever since. i can now raise it above my head, but it is almost wednesday.
i don't know if pink coat is going to make it. we'll see what the dry cleaner has to say. otherwise i might be in the market for a new coat.
surprisingly i only have two bruises, one on my elbow and an ugly one on my knee. you'd think i'd have more, considering sometimes i bruise just glancing off the coffee table.
let me tell you, i laughed like hell. falling down is one of the funniest things ever to me, as long as everyone survives without broken bones. but i won't lie, my first instinct is to laugh. every time, unless it's an elderly person. i could not stop laughing. i popped up quickly, according to william. and he said, not unlike his first comment, "babe! it's ONLY tissue paper!" he asked if i was okay, but i couldn't even respond due to my laughter and trying to continue to scoot inside. once i was moving again, i noticed my skirt was scuffed up! people kept trying to brush it off all night, but no, i took the color off it.
no, i had not been drinking yet.
it didn't hurt me too much on the dance floor.

me and bride:


ostensibly laughing about falling yet again:

tomorrow

i'm real, real, real tired. for real.
last week and weekend kicked my butt.
but i'm alive. and i have a funny story about falling down.
so when i can type more thn like 20 words a minute (this took a long time and a lot of backspacing) i'll update.
tomorrow, tomorrow, i'll love ya, tomorrow. it's only a day away!