now that i'm entering life with another person, legally, it has changed my thinking some on the future. when i think about three years from now, i think about where william and i will be, not where 'just i' will be. i think about how those decisions might impact our relationship and our goals. i think about whether we will have enough money for a house-house, if we will have enough money and time and energy for children, if we will both be getting everything out of our careers we'd hoped, by the time we're 30.
after i graduated from college, i got a job in my field almost immediately--i was lucky. it was a rollercoaster year, where i was put in charge of a weekly city newspaper, when i hadn't even attended a city council meeting before. i was essentially thrown to the wolves on my first day (a fifteen-hour shift, ended with hysterical crying and vowing to never go back). i went back, though. and i made some lovely, lovely friends there, too. it was the beginning of my adult life. since then i've made lots of professional and personal leaps and bounds. i dated a disaster for women, i stood up for myself, i started a new job, i watched my family go through family ups and downs, i watched my friends grow and change, i fell in love.
now i'm five years (oh, how it pains me to say that number) into my career. i start thinking about all the places i want to travel, the things i want to write, or where i thought i'd be by now. i'd definitely say an overall assessment has me at meeting and even exceeding those goals, but now that i'm there, i'm not sure what my next steps are. and now we'll be making those steps together. the goals aren't quite as clear and require some kind of consensus. i keep getting told that the older you get, the more complex life gets, and the harder it can get to make changes. i've never been a person who makes changes easily (although i'm always thinking about how it will be better later, a pattern i'm trying to change). in fact, i usually go kicking and screaming into the next phase of my life, whatever aspect it happens to be, and then feel like a fool in retrospect. i eat a lot of crow.
i'm back to that saturn return feeling. i think i've posted about it before. a mix of these positive and negatives, ups and downs, goods and bads, and big life markers. milestones.
but it's difficult to know what the next milestones are, past the wedding. how to set future goals. and many times i feel like a teenager in an adult's life. until i was about 23, i knew exactly everything i wanted (good thing i didn't get it all, some of the surprises were SO worth it). i was ready and willing to work my butt off to be there. i'm still ready and willing. i'm just not always sure where 'there' is anymore. i'm lucky i have someone to take those next steps with me. at least i'll have someone holding my hand.
9 comments:
yes, times a thousand! it's so interesting to navigate the post-post college, married, but no kids, time of life. being married a few years now, i feel so much more secure in my future, even though I feel like I "know" (expect) less about it than I did a few years ago. if that makes any sense! :)
I hear ya. It's strange making life-changing decisions and facing other life stages.
I'm sure you'll handle it all smoothly. :)
I understand how you're feeling, too.
But, I also think it's OK to just wing it. Take each day as it comes. It's OK if as far into the future you look right now is May 27 and/or June 14. If you think so much about where your life is going, you'll miss where it is right now. :)
I think the most important thing is not necessarily having specific goals, but rather having the drive and gusto to grow and become better and further yourself...something I am certain you and William will continue to do throughout your lives. That's just the kind of people you are.
And as Garth Brooks put it - Sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers. (I certainly do!) but a. is right, you have to enjoy the moments you are in, as well. xoxo
God that is exactly how I feel. Like a teenager in an adults life. I just don't feel the way I thought I'd feel when I was 27.
You know, the last sentence sums it all up. No matter what "it" is, at least you'll have someone holding your hand. :)
Make your plans, but be flexible. It's the little surprises that make life exciting.
the most wonderful part is knowing that you DO have someone to hold your hand through all the challenges that life will continue to throw at ya.
but you're never alone anyway - you always have us to boost you up whenever you need it :)
I think you're doing pretty damn good for 27. No matter what happens, I predict great things in store for your future! Even when you do prepare for certain life-changing events, like having a baby, life will STILL throw you curve balls. And you'll handle those the way you've handled everything else in your life - with style and grace.
amen. i'm at the 5-year mark, too. i definitely need to learn flexibility, being in the now, and being satisfied that at least i have that person holding my hand, no matter what happens. i feel you.
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