Yesterday, I went in the mall with one of my BFFs, the friend I've had the absolute longest, who happens to be leaving the country in three weeks to teach English for six months. (I will then lack a best friend that lives in the state, my little tri-shaped cocoon broken up by geography.)
When we came back out of the mall a couple of hours later, the temperature had dropped a good 10 to 15 degrees. The wind was blowing, and the sky looked menacing. The thin hoodie and yoga pants I was wearing (yeah, I really care about my appearance lately) were not enough, and we ran for the car, giggling about how she wasn't going to miss the cold winter. I told her that no one else runs screaming to the car like we do when it's cold...so now I'm just going to look insane when I do it by myself.
Again, today was dark and cloudy and threatened rain. It was a long, swirling ball of stress and more-than-intermittent frustration, running here and there, my patience (never known for its long fuse) shorter than usual.
Suddenly, friend-adventures abound in my life; babies (my GOD the babies; what water all are these women drinking? I think I now roundabouts 20 people who are pregnant or gave birth this year), weddings (again, around 20 people), travel, blazing new pathways through our quasi-adulthood. Seasons are changing.
I'm so, so excited for all these people and their wonderful news. Seriously, I love getting the news that someone's engaged or pregnant or off to fulfill a life dream, and I get super crabby when people aren't supportive of everyone's good fortunes. I've noticed lately that there's a lack of genuine excitement for other people and I'm working hard to combat that jealous force all by myself, if I have to. And their good newses end up cheering my OWN moods, and I rely on them when I'm feeling like the world is tipping off its axis just a little bit.
But still. It forces me to evaluate my own life. I'm struggling to find my next adventures, my own life path, my own dreams, whatever they may be. But that doesn't change my happiness or excitement for everyone else--hell, if they pursue their dreams, it inspires me to do the same.
I have to say that tonight, as I walked through the door after an extralong day, those fall clouds parted a little upon seeing my darling husband chopping garlic for our dinner.
5 comments:
Garlic makes everything better, including cloudy days.
Oh ditto!! Mmmm garlic.
I don't think it's the water, I think it's the age. I LOVE finding out that people are getting married (or pregnant). However, if people could stop asking me if I was, that'd be great.
What a beautiful essay!
I know what you mean about really being able to share in another's excitement. I like to think my capacity to do that increases as I age. It also increases as I experience the same things. My best friend bought a house a few months after I did, and I was so pleased to sense my huge, genuine thrill for her.
Those things can definitely drive us too. I feel the same way about searching for my next adventures and goals. I just picked up the book "What Would You Do If You Had No Fear?" by Diane Conway and it's got me thinking about how to turn my dreaming into doing.
Well, a hottie hubby in the kitchen with garlic makes any day sunnier.
you are my writing hero. seriously.
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