It's Been One Week

I have not had a job for a week. It has been a wild rollercoaster of emotion. I swing from feeling sorry for myself to just plain sad. Frustrated at the loss of a four-year investment, my career, my energy, my creativity—all in a single half-hour. Clean out your desk, we're done. And yeah, I'm angry. I feel totally demoralized, degraded, and lost. Occasionally, but only occasionally, I feel a thrill of freedom, of possibility, and of opportunity. But that part has been very fleeting.

People have been saying that usually after a storm like this, something really great comes out of it. I hope so. But the idea of launching this full-scale search, of figuring out what's next, resumes, cover letters, interviews, freelancing . . . it is all so, so, so daunting.

Strangely, for a crybaby such as myself, I haven't cried that much. Just a couple jags. I really have been trying to just focus on what I do now. What I can do today. So far, that's included a couple of lunches (more on that later), some errand running, signing up for a media group, and lots of talking.

One great thing that came out of being able to be off of work was meeting Doahleigh! She's in Minneapolis for a business trip, and I live here and currently have no schedule! I picked her up at her hotel--so fun, I already knew who she was, so it was like picking up an old friend. And we picked up right away with conversation—also fun. She's just a doll. We had lunch at Spoonriver—continuing our [mostly internet] parallel lives, we ordered the same thing—and had dessert at Cupcake (mine was Razz-ma-tazz, a combo of chocolate cupcake, raspberry jam, and frosting, and hers was Orange Dream). Mine was super tasty, I think Doahleigh liked hers, too. We had a lovely time talking and driving around the Twin Cities! She is incredibly fab. So if you don't read her already, go check her out. It made me wish she lived here! Finally I could have the real-life get together you California readers talk about. Doahleigh took a couple pictures...I did not. I am bad. So you'll have to check out her recap when/if she writes one. Hooray!

Other things: Thank God I have a dog. Molly keeps me lots of company during the day, and if she notices I'm getting upset about anything, she has adopted this habit of lying on my lap, paws aloft, and gazing at me until I giggle. She also has been putting one of her front paws on my heart if I start to yell or express crabbiness. I don't know where that is coming from, but consider me a pile of mush when it happens.

I am so lucky that I have a wide support net to catch me during this freefall. It is sucking mightily, and I appreciate all the encouragement.