Typical Minnesota. Yesterday it just snowed and snowed and snowed, for all the hours I was awake, trudging and blowing and swirling like winter didn't know it was March 31, and it was time to go out like a lamb. There was no light in the sky, and the flakes that fell were huge clumps of wet, heavy, plus-sized flakes, almost turning to slush before hitting the ground. And then today, April 1, it's like yesterday was an April Fool's joke a day early, with the sun shining as hard and as brightly as any day so far this spring, melting the snow off the roof of my building in loud, clunky, flailing chunks.
And here I am, at home, listening to R.E.M.'s new album, and I'm feeling so good. Even though I am jobless and trying to assemble some freelance and I have no promises or paychecks, the new album is so good that I feel like if I got out of my chair and jumped around that I might stay suspended, midair, because that is the power of R.E.M., especially with this new album which feels so much like old R.E.M. plus the best parts of new R.E.M. (and here I am talking about Berry-era and post-Berry-era) and "Supernatural Superserious" just makes me want to write notes in class and giggle. And that, my friends, is the transformative power of music, because, good God, this is otherwise a dark time in my unemployed bubble.
In another way, though, I feel more superserious than ever about my career. For example, I am now the proud owner of my very own copy of the Chicago Manual of Style, and come on, they're not cheap and usually you can get them at work and expense them. But this big ol' orange manual, with the dust jacket still shiny, is mine all mine. All unedited texts are shaking in fear. Fear this pen, text! Or you know, I went to OfficeMax today and it was actually because I needed office supplies, and really I've only ever wanted supplies, not needed them. And I can be a grownup and write them off on my taxes because, hello, I am now like Willikat incorporated, sorta. Now I just need clients. Binder clips? Check. Jobs to use them on . . . Let me get back to you.
Photos to come.
Tuesday, April 1, 2008
Monday, March 31, 2008
Courting the Employment World
Oh, God. I had a terrible realization today. Looking for a job is exactly like . . . dating. Some people are really great at dating and love it and its challenges and, for them, the ups give a thrill, and the downs can be drowned with a few glasses of wine.
I was never good at dating. Really. Boys didn't even like me. I have had like three boyfriends my whole life. Dating was essentially a disaster. Likewise, my career life. Not that people don't like me, but I never really did a lot of interviewing around. I had internships, which grew into jobs, which . . . well . . . now we're broken up. I'm a serial monogamist, I guess. (Of course, the concept of dating will be ending in less than sixty days!)
So now I've been sending out inquiries into freelance positions and I'll be writing pitch letters and all that kind of freelancy stuff. Sending emails, calling out, leaving messages and waiting for return messages to arrive from the great abyss. It's already started. I make a phone call. Do I take a shower? What if someone calls while I am in the shower? What about Molly? I think she has to go out, but what if I miss the ever-important ding with a bold-faced, new email? I know my cover letter wasn't the greatest one ever written, but it was pretty good . . . I wish they could see me for me! If they knew me, they'd know I'd be a valuable asset! Did I just use the term valuable asset. OH GOD. Now they think I'm cocky, and nothing could be further from the truth. Hmmm, I might have an offer. Do I bring up salary or do I let them pay? What do we say to wrap up the end of the night?
See what I'm saying? The lines between dating and employment are quickly getting blurry.
And at the end of the day, I do want something and someone that I'm in love with, that I can spend time with and be creative with, and can pour all my energy into. I am a good writer, a good editor (hey, I've won spelling bees!), and a pretty creative person. I can write quickly, on deadline, and with some panache. I work hard and I know when to ask questions and what to ask. But I don't want to look desperate. Good thing they can't see me checking my email or picking up my phone for the eleventy millionth time.
Edited to add: I also rock at vocabulary! Freerice.com has nothin' on me.
I was never good at dating. Really. Boys didn't even like me. I have had like three boyfriends my whole life. Dating was essentially a disaster. Likewise, my career life. Not that people don't like me, but I never really did a lot of interviewing around. I had internships, which grew into jobs, which . . . well . . . now we're broken up. I'm a serial monogamist, I guess. (Of course, the concept of dating will be ending in less than sixty days!)
So now I've been sending out inquiries into freelance positions and I'll be writing pitch letters and all that kind of freelancy stuff. Sending emails, calling out, leaving messages and waiting for return messages to arrive from the great abyss. It's already started. I make a phone call. Do I take a shower? What if someone calls while I am in the shower? What about Molly? I think she has to go out, but what if I miss the ever-important ding with a bold-faced, new email? I know my cover letter wasn't the greatest one ever written, but it was pretty good . . . I wish they could see me for me! If they knew me, they'd know I'd be a valuable asset! Did I just use the term valuable asset. OH GOD. Now they think I'm cocky, and nothing could be further from the truth. Hmmm, I might have an offer. Do I bring up salary or do I let them pay? What do we say to wrap up the end of the night?
See what I'm saying? The lines between dating and employment are quickly getting blurry.
And at the end of the day, I do want something and someone that I'm in love with, that I can spend time with and be creative with, and can pour all my energy into. I am a good writer, a good editor (hey, I've won spelling bees!), and a pretty creative person. I can write quickly, on deadline, and with some panache. I work hard and I know when to ask questions and what to ask. But I don't want to look desperate. Good thing they can't see me checking my email or picking up my phone for the eleventy millionth time.
Edited to add: I also rock at vocabulary! Freerice.com has nothin' on me.
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Things I Don't Miss
1. Getting up at 6:30 a.m.
2. Packing a lunch.
3. Dressing up.
4. Beige cubicles with no privacy.
5. Commuting.
6. My stupid computer that never worked. I'm finally done with you, Corrupted Fonts!
7. Dealing with copy that only concerned moneyed folk.
8. Being tempted to spend money since I was downtown and the smells of expensive coffee and designer denim were everywhere.
9. Internet monitoring.
10. Meetings!
It's not all bad.
2. Packing a lunch.
3. Dressing up.
4. Beige cubicles with no privacy.
5. Commuting.
6. My stupid computer that never worked. I'm finally done with you, Corrupted Fonts!
7. Dealing with copy that only concerned moneyed folk.
8. Being tempted to spend money since I was downtown and the smells of expensive coffee and designer denim were everywhere.
9. Internet monitoring.
10. Meetings!
It's not all bad.
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
It's Been One Week
I have not had a job for a week. It has been a wild rollercoaster of emotion. I swing from feeling sorry for myself to just plain sad. Frustrated at the loss of a four-year investment, my career, my energy, my creativity—all in a single half-hour. Clean out your desk, we're done. And yeah, I'm angry. I feel totally demoralized, degraded, and lost. Occasionally, but only occasionally, I feel a thrill of freedom, of possibility, and of opportunity. But that part has been very fleeting.
People have been saying that usually after a storm like this, something really great comes out of it. I hope so. But the idea of launching this full-scale search, of figuring out what's next, resumes, cover letters, interviews, freelancing . . . it is all so, so, so daunting.
Strangely, for a crybaby such as myself, I haven't cried that much. Just a couple jags. I really have been trying to just focus on what I do now. What I can do today. So far, that's included a couple of lunches (more on that later), some errand running, signing up for a media group, and lots of talking.
One great thing that came out of being able to be off of work was meeting Doahleigh! She's in Minneapolis for a business trip, and I live here and currently have no schedule! I picked her up at her hotel--so fun, I already knew who she was, so it was like picking up an old friend. And we picked up right away with conversation—also fun. She's just a doll. We had lunch at Spoonriver—continuing our [mostly internet] parallel lives, we ordered the same thing—and had dessert at Cupcake (mine was Razz-ma-tazz, a combo of chocolate cupcake, raspberry jam, and frosting, and hers was Orange Dream). Mine was super tasty, I think Doahleigh liked hers, too. We had a lovely time talking and driving around the Twin Cities! She is incredibly fab. So if you don't read her already, go check her out. It made me wish she lived here! Finally I could have the real-life get together you California readers talk about. Doahleigh took a couple pictures...I did not. I am bad. So you'll have to check out her recap when/if she writes one. Hooray!
Other things: Thank God I have a dog. Molly keeps me lots of company during the day, and if she notices I'm getting upset about anything, she has adopted this habit of lying on my lap, paws aloft, and gazing at me until I giggle. She also has been putting one of her front paws on my heart if I start to yell or express crabbiness. I don't know where that is coming from, but consider me a pile of mush when it happens.
I am so lucky that I have a wide support net to catch me during this freefall. It is sucking mightily, and I appreciate all the encouragement.
People have been saying that usually after a storm like this, something really great comes out of it. I hope so. But the idea of launching this full-scale search, of figuring out what's next, resumes, cover letters, interviews, freelancing . . . it is all so, so, so daunting.
Strangely, for a crybaby such as myself, I haven't cried that much. Just a couple jags. I really have been trying to just focus on what I do now. What I can do today. So far, that's included a couple of lunches (more on that later), some errand running, signing up for a media group, and lots of talking.
One great thing that came out of being able to be off of work was meeting Doahleigh! She's in Minneapolis for a business trip, and I live here and currently have no schedule! I picked her up at her hotel--so fun, I already knew who she was, so it was like picking up an old friend. And we picked up right away with conversation—also fun. She's just a doll. We had lunch at Spoonriver—continuing our [mostly internet] parallel lives, we ordered the same thing—and had dessert at Cupcake (mine was Razz-ma-tazz, a combo of chocolate cupcake, raspberry jam, and frosting, and hers was Orange Dream). Mine was super tasty, I think Doahleigh liked hers, too. We had a lovely time talking and driving around the Twin Cities! She is incredibly fab. So if you don't read her already, go check her out. It made me wish she lived here! Finally I could have the real-life get together you California readers talk about. Doahleigh took a couple pictures...I did not. I am bad. So you'll have to check out her recap when/if she writes one. Hooray!
Other things: Thank God I have a dog. Molly keeps me lots of company during the day, and if she notices I'm getting upset about anything, she has adopted this habit of lying on my lap, paws aloft, and gazing at me until I giggle. She also has been putting one of her front paws on my heart if I start to yell or express crabbiness. I don't know where that is coming from, but consider me a pile of mush when it happens.
I am so lucky that I have a wide support net to catch me during this freefall. It is sucking mightily, and I appreciate all the encouragement.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
downsizing
i was downsized today. i am no longer employed, after being a magazine editor for four years (and a newspaper editor for 1). i was one of a few during the first round of cutbacks.
pretty much sucks to get laid off TWO MONTHS before your wedding.
i'm numb and panicking at the same time.
freelance work? i'm your woman.
pretty much sucks to get laid off TWO MONTHS before your wedding.
i'm numb and panicking at the same time.
freelance work? i'm your woman.
Monday, March 17, 2008
random acts of kindness
man, i KNOW i have been so fascinating lately.
i really want to tell a good story today, but part of the reason i can't is because it would reveal a surprise to a couple of my readers, possibly.
but let's say this: i ordered gifts for a couple of important women in my life, and i had explained to the seller that i needed a particular thing because it was for my wedding.
today i went to my mailbox, and not only were the gifts for my girls there, but so was a gift for ME from this particular woman. it's killing me not to link to her, because she was so awesome, but if you are interested, i can email you the link. and i will post it after some time passes and i can.
but let's just say after spending ANOTHER day at home, sick, it totally made my day. a random act of kindness from a stranger—some really beautiful handmade earrings—accompanied by a congratulatory note. totally unexpected. and honestly, i was bowled over.
i'm so touched.
in other news, the hacking continues. i was up for goodly portions of the night last night, so i stayed home again today. hopefully back to work tomorrow.
i really want to tell a good story today, but part of the reason i can't is because it would reveal a surprise to a couple of my readers, possibly.
but let's say this: i ordered gifts for a couple of important women in my life, and i had explained to the seller that i needed a particular thing because it was for my wedding.
today i went to my mailbox, and not only were the gifts for my girls there, but so was a gift for ME from this particular woman. it's killing me not to link to her, because she was so awesome, but if you are interested, i can email you the link. and i will post it after some time passes and i can.
but let's just say after spending ANOTHER day at home, sick, it totally made my day. a random act of kindness from a stranger—some really beautiful handmade earrings—accompanied by a congratulatory note. totally unexpected. and honestly, i was bowled over.
i'm so touched.
in other news, the hacking continues. i was up for goodly portions of the night last night, so i stayed home again today. hopefully back to work tomorrow.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
more sickness
good lord. this is the most unattractively sick that i have been for a long time. i almost have too much pride to post here all the icky things that have happened to me today.
this includes: waking up with wet hair, yes WET, from sleeping with my mouth open and drooling so much, coughing up junk, having to change pjs and sheets after a fever break.
william: brought me ice water, stroked my drooled-upon hair, helped me change the sheets, bought some fruit and organic oj at the fruit market across the street. my mom stopped by with jello (three kinds!) and corned beef and cabbage with potatoes and carrots. so i didn't have to miss out toooooo much on one of my favorite holidays.
i just feel bulldozed. flattened. although the burning-brick-lung has lessened, thank god, because i didn't know how much longer i could stand it. you shouldn't ever have to think it's hard to breathe.
thanks to friends who called to check on me too. i couldn't talk much since i have no voice and it feels strained to say much, but i appreciated the five minutes of entertainment.
edited to add: i can't believe i forgot to add molly's role in all this. never one to give kisses, she has given me two kisses in the last two days (that's a LOT for her) and she has been stuck to my side like glue, even when william was making food in the kitchen and she could hear food rattling around. she has a tendency usually to curl up at my hip or feet, but with william she always lays on his chest. she has been almost insisting on curling up on my chest--i swear she knows how my chest hurts and wants to help.
i am so lucky to have all these people and pets around me.
this includes: waking up with wet hair, yes WET, from sleeping with my mouth open and drooling so much, coughing up junk, having to change pjs and sheets after a fever break.
william: brought me ice water, stroked my drooled-upon hair, helped me change the sheets, bought some fruit and organic oj at the fruit market across the street. my mom stopped by with jello (three kinds!) and corned beef and cabbage with potatoes and carrots. so i didn't have to miss out toooooo much on one of my favorite holidays.
i just feel bulldozed. flattened. although the burning-brick-lung has lessened, thank god, because i didn't know how much longer i could stand it. you shouldn't ever have to think it's hard to breathe.
thanks to friends who called to check on me too. i couldn't talk much since i have no voice and it feels strained to say much, but i appreciated the five minutes of entertainment.
edited to add: i can't believe i forgot to add molly's role in all this. never one to give kisses, she has given me two kisses in the last two days (that's a LOT for her) and she has been stuck to my side like glue, even when william was making food in the kitchen and she could hear food rattling around. she has a tendency usually to curl up at my hip or feet, but with william she always lays on his chest. she has been almost insisting on curling up on my chest--i swear she knows how my chest hurts and wants to help.
i am so lucky to have all these people and pets around me.
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