Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Eating Less, Moving More

I really, really surprised myself and ran for FORTY minutes last night. I am estimating, but I have good reason to believe I ran 3.5-4 miles. No stops, no breaks. And not on the easiest setting, either.

Say what??? I'm sort of amazed.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Molly moments

In the morning, when I wake, our Molly follows me into the bathroom while I put my makeup on, and we have our morning chat.

I tell her I love her, and she wags her tail, not moving the rest of her body. (She's not a morning person, like her Mama). I tell her Daddy loves her, and she wags her tail. I ask her if she loves us back, and she wags her tail harder, and I ask her, "Will you love us forever? We will love you forever," and she wiggles and wiggles and wiggles, like she can barely contain the joy of having a place to call home. Or maybe that's how I feel. But I think she returns the sentiment.

When one of us picks our Molly up from my parents' house, or release her from her kennel, she is so excited to see us. She jumps up and wiggles her butt as fast as it will go, and sometimes if I'm lucky, she lands a kiss on my face. She's quite stingy with her kisses, so you know she must mean it. If she's been in her kennel, she goes straight to her water dish and takes a long drink, wiggling that little nub for all it's worth.

When times are tough, Molly shines. She worries and paces and attempts to soothe any way she can think how to. Her paws to my heart, licking my face, snuggling in tight.

And Molly is not slowed by her enroaching darkness, her blindness. She still loves to play fetch and run just for the sake, the pure joy, of running. She especially loves the snow.

When we drive in the car, she often negotiates her way onto our laps, throwing her head back between jaunts of sticking her face out of the window. She is looking for William or I to kiss her cheek or the top of her head, and she won't move her head out of the way until we do. She leads the way to our door every night, doing her signature cross-wise walk, checking out the dangers that may lie ahead; bikes locked to stop signs, empty wrappers, or god forbid, another mongrel. When we get to our door safely, she wiggles and wiggles and wiggles.
When I get in bed each night to read a chapter or two of a book before I turn out the light, Molly jumps up on our bed and finds a place to snuggle in. when the light goes off, she jumps down on the floor on my side of the bed, and falls deep asleep. I often doze off to the sounds of her snoring, barking under her breath, and snoozling.

It is because of our Motowns that I notice so many things I might just breeze past otherwise: the joy of seeing someone after a long day apart; the thick, springy, green lawn; the sweetness of fresh summer air; a big bowl of yogurt; eating ice cubes on a hot day; the comings and goings of our neighbors (surely, they are all suspect); the sink-in-ness of the couch, the peace of an afternoon nap.

Life is just good when you have a dog.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Meme Time

I have a better post, all ready to go, but the photos are NOT WORKING. Alas, will have to be posted this weekend.

1. The phone rings. Who do you want it to be? A publisher.

2. When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Always. ALWAYS.

3. In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on the situation, but I’m a talker.

4. Do you take compliments well? I cherish sincere compliments but sometimes I have a hard time accepting them.

5. Do you play Sudoku? It involves numbers…so no. But I'll tell you this: Sudoku was spelled wrong on the meme, and I just corrected it. So there!

6. If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? I might. By running to civilization.

7. Did you ever go to camp as a kid? We had a cabin. That WAS my summer camp.

8. What was your favorite game as a kid? I liked Scattergories. And card games.

9. Would you slow dance with someone that you knew was married? At a wedding or something for fun? Sure. If it was intended to be something other than just having fun dancing, then no.

10. Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Yes. If I wasn’t married.

11. Do you like to pursue or be pursued? I give you Shakespeare.
Helena:
"We should be woo'd and were not made to woo."
A Midsummer Night's Dream (II, i, 242)

12. Use three words to describe yourself. Nerdy, giggly, loyal

13. Do any songs make you cry? Oh God yes. Lots of them. The one that immediately comes to mind is the Christian funeral song, “On Eagles’ Wings.” Jesus. I can’t even think about it or I burst into tears. "The Star Spangled Banner" gets me once in a while. There are other songs, connected to experiences and moments.

14. Are you continuing your education? I will if I can ever afford it. I really think there should be a Dr. in my title. Even though it won’t be in medicine.

15. Do you know how to shoot a gun? No. But I bet I’d be a good shot if I practiced.

16. If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grabbed? Molly. If she’s a “thing”. Otherwise, probably my photo box and my jewelry box. I don’t have anything expensive, but stuff rich in memories.

17. How often do you read books? I try to read a LOT. Like, a book a week. But I’ve been falling behind . . .

18. Do you think more about the past, present or future? Probably a lot about the future. I should stop doing that so much and focus on here and now.

19. What is your favorite children's book? Whoa. Um. What Do People Do All Day?, any Dr. Seuss, Island of the Blue Dolphins, the Ramona Quimby series... this list could go on forever.

20. What color are your eyes? blue

21. How tall are you? 5'6’’

22. Where is your dream house located? Probably on the beaches of South Maui. But, you know, I really like the one I have now. It's home.

23. Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? I absolutely LOVE photobooth photos. We used photobooth photos for our save-the-dates.

24. When was the last time you were at Olive Garden? Um, probably the last time I was there was the time that I accidentally dined and dashed, about six years ago. I wrote the check out, but I must have been distracted, and I didn’t put it in the little holder thing. I found it when I went to write my next check…which was a long time afterward. I called and apologized…and dropped off another check. I couldn't live with the guilt, even though the manager told me it was OK.

25. What is the furthest place you traveled today? Work? Not very far. 12 miles.

26. Do you like mustard? Mmm, yes. And it’s fat-free.

27. Do you prefer to sleep or eat? What? I can’t choose.

28. Do you look like your mom or dad? I look exactly like my mother. I don’t even look related to my dad.

29. How long does it take you in the shower? A long time. Probably 15 minutes. It’s an indulgence.

30. Can you do the splits? Never could, never will.

31. What movie do you want to see right now? Something engaging and good.

32. Do you think The Grudge was scary? I didn’t see the whole thing.

33. Do you own a camera phone? Yes.

34. Was your mom a cheerleader? No

35. What's the last letter of your middle name? N

36. How many hours of sleep do you get a night? I try to get 8. It’s usually more like 7. I need more like 10.

37. Do you like Care Bears? I did when I was a kid. I also recently tried to trick someone into thinking I had a stomach tattoo in Old English font that said Care Bear Stare. It almost worked.

38. What do you buy at the movies? If I buy something, it’s usually an Icee.

39. Do you know how to play poker? Kind of, but I have the WORST poker face. I don’t play.

40. Do you wear your seatbelt? Always.

41. What do you wear to sleep? It depends on my mood.

42. Anything big ever happen in your hometown? We have the worlds’ smallest park! HELL YEAH! Top that!

43. How many meals do you eat a day? 2.5-3, usually.

44. Is your tongue pierced? No.

45. Do you like funny or serious people better? Funny people. But seriosity is important. And yes, I made that word up.

46. Ever been to L.A.? No, but someday I will have met the Cali girls!!!

47. Did you eat a cookie today? Yes! Although I find I crave them less and less. My sweet tooth is apparently going away.

48. Do you use cuss words in other languages? Does dummkoff count? I think that’s German for dumbass. (actually, dumbhead, now that I look it up). And I never really use that. It was just the only swear word in another language I could think of.

49. Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? Pay to play, baby, pay to play. Unless it’s Pandora, which isn’t a download.

50. Do you hate chocolate? I’m not psycho, so no.

51. What do you and your parents fight about the most? With my dad? Politics. With my mom? I don’t really fight with her.

52. Are you a gullible person? I don’t think so. Years of my older brother making up stories has made me more critical.

53. Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? I’m married… but I didn’t find him until I felt good about myself.

54. If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? Feature writer for national magazines, with a book deal, of course.

55. Are you easy to get along with? I think so….

56. What is your favorite time of day? Seeing William after a long day; when I climb into bed, Mo jumps in, and we snuggle and read for a while.

Recommitting to the Intention

Lying on the floor on a rubber mat, breathing deeply, and emptying out the contents of my brain. Reverse thinking. No doing, besides breathing and letting go.

Then, suddenly, I sweep my arms over my head and stretch from the tips of my fingers to the tops of my toes. Arch up and bridge out, raising and lowering my arms and spine as I breathe in and out and find my zone.

Heart beating a little faster, standing now, sweeping arms up overhead, now bending in half, suddenly pushing a leg back to a lunge, palms pushing against the floor, now the dreaded plank, and we freeze, holding ourselves up, the beginning of a pushup. Now, lower, and halfway up into Cobra, then Up Dog, now curling toes under, pushing sitting bones up, blood rushing as I hang my head and hold it, breathing, waiting for the next gentle suggestion.

Shaking it out, pushing into Crescent, arms overhead, pivoting, Warrior one, two, three, my thighs are burning, but as I hinge forward that my back lays flatter (though not yet as flat as I'd like), and I am touching the floor with certainty, not grazing with fingertips, not hovering six inches above the floor. Boat pose, leaning back but not relaxing now, no, shaking, a thin sheen developing over my whole body.

Hip flexors, calves, lower back, relaxing the shoulders down, rolling the neck, tipping the head back, spine crackling.

Every Tuesday night, my yoga instructor asks us to commit to our intention. It can be a simple one. No lofty goals needed in an hour of yoga, a nice reminder to someone like me, someone as flexible as a two-by-four.

I commit. I commit. I commit to each pose because I want to be healthier, more flexible; my stomach likes it, I can tell. I commit to letting go of the day, of the six days leading up to this hour. I forget it. I indulge, and I work at it.

I will likely never be able to sing or play piano, despite my deep wishes, or paint a beautiful portrait, or change the world, or win a Pulitzer or Booker prize. But for one hour, I can commit to breathing. Just breathing.

I need to commit to writing. I relax into it, but at the same time, if I'm serious, I have to work at it, invent synapses, create bridges, reach out through my whole body, exercise vocabulary, strengthen my mental reserve, push myself to the limit. I have to commit. Instead of my fingers finding the floor, they find the keys, and hopefully, eventually, they are skyward, and I am saying, even if I'm shaking, finally. I'm where I want to be.

As my yoga instructor reminds us each week: If you could call it perfection, what would it look like, feel like, be like? In this moment, call it perfection, and know that it is enough.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Mirror, Mirror

There are a few things I do want to blog about but haven't had time to catch a breath!

Today, unfortunately, was one of those days where nothing went quite right. I'll just tell you the beginning of my day, and that should be enough.

So, a couple of days ago, I decided to order myself a couple of things because my clothes have gotten a little too tight. (I posted about this a couple weeks ago).

Long story short, I have been on the no-pop-wagon for 41 days and counting. I thought for SURE this would help. I've been eating salads and lean proteins for lunch, low fat yogurt and low fat granola for breakfast, lots of fruits, and tons of fresh food since the Farmers' Market is in full swing. I've even been working out... that's just starting, but I have been doing it. I've been giving it a true effort.

In any case, I figured that wedging myself into jeans that made me feel like a stuffed sausage was not helping my self-image, so I figured I'd buy a pair to buoy me while I tried to get back down to last year's weight.

I got them in the mail last night.

I tried them on before work, excited because they were exactly what I wanted, for half price. I even thought I bought them big enough.

I didn't.

Like.

Not even close.

I'm fairly sure it's a result of the medication I have been on, in a cruel twist, to control my stomach.

The scale keeps rising. I don't want to have to buy new clothes, nor does my new saver self want/can do it.

I can't help but care about it. I know it doesn't change who I am as a person, but I already have enough health issues. I don't need to have to worry about this too. Can't a girl catch a break?

I am most definitely throwing myself a pity party.

Monday, July 20, 2009

Summer Hours

Everyone's been noticing a dearth of blogging this summer, and I'm no exception. I'm trying to keep up on everyone's lives and leaving comments so you know I'm around, but life has been extremely hectic this summer. Nearly every weekend is booked up for the rest of the summer; it's kind of overwhelming. Some nights there are three or four things happening. I don't want to miss any of it; yet sometimes I feel myself missing some free time, some me time, some putter-around-the-house time. I'm trying to combat it by being organized--lists, calendars, planning ahead (gasp! not that!)

Unfortunately, blogging falls off the list when we finally tumble home. We've both been working a lot and then there are the social funnesses to attend to. But we have no intention of leaving you. Or our laundry. (Which, incidentally, sadly, may be worse off than this blog.) So, with everything swirling around, this blog has been on a bit of summer hours.

This weekend was near-perfect, though. Friday night was the celebration of a very dear friend's impending BABIES. That's right, two'ems, two girls! In the merriment of finding out, she hosted a cookout and we had a good time, eating crispy-skinned brats with sweet relish and pasta salads...all the good things cookouts entail. To cap off the night, we sat around the bonfire, laughing and trading stories.

Saturday proved to be a planning day, errands, organization, cleaning. Then, my bathroom was converted into Salon Kat as I dyed Cindy's hair. It turned out really well. I can at least indulge my inner beauty geek sometimes!

Saturday night led to seeing The Hangover. I'm always leery when people tell me something is SOOOOO funny. . . but this lived up to its expectations. Lots of people laughing in the theater is always fun, too. Then we headed to fireworks for a local city celebration (tuned to, funny enough, God Bless America, Thriller, and Sweet Caroline) and carnie-watching. Finally, drinks at a nearby watering hole. Bomb pop shots and pizza... and two mischevious girls manning the juke box. There was lots of dancing by two of us, and lots more laughing.

Sunday dawned beautiful (at least...the morning was pretty when I finally opened my eyes around 10:30, ahem), so we headed out to the Farmers' Market, one of my favorite, favorite, favorite activities. I just absolutely love wandering around, smelling all the smells, taste-testing local farmers' wares, and coming home with far too much fresh produce and an armload of flowers. Since we were latecomers to the party, flowers were steeply on sale...I got tons of lemon-yellow dragonsnaps, blue salvia, purple gladiolus, and broad-faced sunflowers for like $10. William and Molly waited for me at the kitty-corner coffee shop while I bought veggies to my heart's delight. It was so beautiful outside that we sat and enjoyed the sun at the coffee shop a little longer. Molly loved ice cubes from our frosty Thai coffees, and we met lots of interesting dog-parents and artisans, and watched throngs of people ant-marching to the Cirque du Soleil show that afternoon. (Mom, we must have missed you!)

After our slow stroll home, we ran some more errands (soon some photos of a new furniture project we're embarking upon), then friends called with good news: they were only a couple of miles away, with their month-old baby in hand--and they wanted to stop and visit. Oh baby! We were excited they were feeling up to going out and about and hanging out with us and, truth be told, I wanted to hold the baby. :) They ended up staying for dinner, and I made BBQ ribs, baby bok choy with ginger and garlic, cornbread with honey butter, and caprese salad. YUM. Then we watched the Twins game on the teevee, and called it a night.

Belly laughing with friends, eating good food, good conversation and happiness with William, sitting in the sun, holding a new baby. It's one of the best weekends I've had in a while. Sometimes, summer is just so good.

Photos and more fun to come.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Goodthings

Hi friends.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much....I honestly haven't even been home much! I just wanted to check in and say hello to my blogfriends and tell you that I miss you. And that I really, really hope that you'll stick with me.

In lieu of a real post, I'll make a list of a few awesome things lately...

1. Spending time with family at my parents' cabin. Beautiful weather, fun conversation, screaming at cold lake water, and eating tasty snacks.

2. Yoga on Tuesday nights and the long talks that always result afterward.

3. Zipping up a skirt that didn't fit a while ago. . .

4. Sticking to my no-pop (soda to most of y'all) decision. I still miss pop, EVERYSINGLEWAKINGMOMENT, but my stomach appreciates it and ... amazingly, I'm even more energetic.

5. Sobe Lifewater, Blackberry Grape flavor.

6. Catching up with a childhood friend today over lunch. It was fun and easy and looking forward to doing it again.

7. Realizing that I have learned something lately.

On the other hand. I still miss Michael.