Thank you for Being a Friend

This weekend, William and I met Dorothy and Don, Mae and Liz, a priest (who blessed us), and touched a baseball that Yogi Berra and Whitey Ford signed.

We talked about institutional food, military medals, 100-year-old photos of long-gone, distant relatives, practiced our two-phrase Polish vocabulary, were vigorously hugged and kissed, and ate dinner at 4:30 and got ready for breakfast at 8 sharp. We were stared at, reached out to, and thanked. We were asked to speak up and step closer. A lot.

Above all, we were thanked.

I guess that's not what I expected.

William's grandparents recently moved into an independent senior living complex in South Dakota, not too terribly far from their last home, and the home before that, a sprawling farm. Life has changed a lot for them since the farming days they know and love. It's hard accepting that you don't or can't do the work that you're used to. It's hard to wonder what you do next with your time and feeling like you have limited options.

There are a lot of people in their building who feel that way. Some were nuns, and helped the sick. Some were farmers. Some have kids spread across the country. Some served in WWII and can now talk about their days overseas, while they couldn't as young men. One man told me: "My daughters, they married lawyers. They have money that I could never imagine, while we hang on to whatever we got as hard as we can," clutching his fists in the air for emphasis. He sat close to me, nearly touching my face, because about two years ago, he began rapidly losing his sight. He told us about his medals, but only after we described what they looked like and what they said. THAT he remembered.

Then there was Liz. Liz was a nun who left the convent when her mother was dying. The nuns wouldn't let her leave, so she quit. She was lucky enough to meet the famed Yankees players Whitey Ford and Yogi Berra while working as a nurse in Rochester, Minnesota, with the photo and baseball to prove it. "You can kiss it," she told us, "if you want to." Then she laughed and took us on a tour of her favorite artwork, interrupting herself only long enough to take us to a friends' apartment upstairs, who made lots of beautiful things herself. She was about to get in the shower, but she put her "housecoat" on, and received us like we were old family.

We shook hands with strangers in the chapel, strangers who thanked us later for coming to shake their hands. We heard life stories, life sorrows. But always at the end, "But now you're here. And you just made my day." Or, "I'm so glad you are here. I feel like I know you already."

If you think you can't make a difference without spending a lot of money—If you think you can't do it without spending a lot of time—If you just don't ever get around to it, but you think you want to.

There are lots of seniors out there, who have memories to share and lives not yet fully lived (and they're fascinating). And they love young people, even if they're crotchety or don't see or walk so well. And if you just make eye contact, you have a new friend. A new friend dying to show you a cookie recipe or a ceramic pot or photos of their kids. A new friend who wants to know all about you and your life. A friend who needs a hug and a kiss, and maybe a "peace be with you."

William and I are lucky to have grandparents that are well and with it, even in their eighties and nineties. It's a treasure trove of stories, lessons learned, love, and kindness. And good recipes and laughs and chats about politics or what life was like, or how crazy life is now, or how good communities are built. (Watch a 92-year-old man talk about, and proficiently work, a cell phone. It's a trip.) Old men flirt better than anyone in the world. Grandmas just want to be that—grandmas.

But not all of these people have that. And they're starving for it—whatever it is that you have to offer. Not money, not gifts. Just your conversation and attention. And maybe you'd make a good friend. By just being you, by just being there, by just showing you're interested, you've made a friend for life. And you've made someone's day—someone who maybe feels like they don't have much purpose anymore.

It's a win-win. Because you'll walk away feeling like you have a purpose too, one that isn't an obligatory get-through-the-day, pay-the-bills one. A really important one, even if it's just a genuine five minutes of your time.

meetups

Lots happening today. Started the day out with gym time with Big Sister and Big Sister's friend--a half-hour Zumba Express class and then an hour-long Flow class. Feeling good. Cleaning our place. Party-food prep.

Reunion with some of my favorite people in the world tonight. Must run.

Thankful For

...As much sun as you can ask for in a Minnesota November
...Future trips
...Molly snuggling on my lap
...Being in love
...A lovely day with my family, eating good food and lounging around
...Streaming Netflix
...Email when my best friend is halfway 'round the world
...Having my first cheesecake turn out OK
...Nike Fit Yoga pants
...Paying off debt
...Staying optimistic
...Loving the YMCA
...Christmas cactus blooms
...French Roast coffee from Trader Joe's
...A low-maintenance car (knock on wood)
...A really, truly good life.
.....and all those blogger buddies out there.

Happy Thanksgiving. I'm off to enjoy more family time.

Little Gratefuls

1. I got to leave work early today.
2. My boss picked up the lunch tab.
3. No technological mishaps.
4. Easy trip to Target, and I only spent $50! Some kind of miracle.
5. It's getting crappy outside--cold and rainy, but my house is nice and toasty.
6. I'm baking my first cheesecake. No major mishaps. Yet.
7. My Yeah Yeah Yeahs + many other bands channel on Pandora radio.
8. The Netflix William got for his birthday--we both benefit! We've been streaming movies like mad.
9. My sweet Molly looking at the KitchenAid Mixer, cocked head indicating a total befuddlement with the noise.
10. Tomorrow I'll be with the people I love most in the world. Lots of good food, good conversation, and love.

Goodies

Good things for today:

1. Cute outfit day.
2. In re: cute outfit day, I splurged and bought a little bit more expensive tights at Target. I figured it'd be a gamble. It paid off! They are super thick and opaque, and kept me warm in a minidress. Well worth the extra couple bucks.
3. New Vanity Fair arrived with Robert Pattinson on the cover. Sigh.
4. Good songs on the radio. Songs I'm currently loving:

• Buster Voodoo, Rodrigo y Gabriela
• Sugarfoot, Black Joe Lewis and the Honeybears
• Drain the Blood, Rural Alberta Advantage
• Baby, Devendra Banhart
• Soft Shock, Yeah Yeah Yeahs
• I'll Fight, Wilco
• Horchata, Vampire Weekend
• Lizstomania, Phoenix
• Heavy Cross, The Gossip

5. Yummy dinner: meatloaf, sweet potato fries, broccoli
6. Zumba class!
7. Reorders from the shops William is in.

Current Obsessions

1. Good reports from the hospital.
2. MAC Fluidline in Blacktrack and Macroviolet.
3. Halloween photos. (we didn't dress up this year, but man, babies in Halloween costumes. Half the reason you people have kids, right?)
4. Public radio.
5. The finally-normal fall weather.
6. Alba Botanica Hawaiian Spa cocoa butter hand & body lotion
7. The Forever War, by Dexter Filkins. Amazing writing and reportage.
8. The word reportage.
9. Roasted sweet potatoes.
10. Grapefruit.

What are some of your current obsessions?

Goodthings

Hi friends.

I'm sorry I haven't been around much....I honestly haven't even been home much! I just wanted to check in and say hello to my blogfriends and tell you that I miss you. And that I really, really hope that you'll stick with me.

In lieu of a real post, I'll make a list of a few awesome things lately...

1. Spending time with family at my parents' cabin. Beautiful weather, fun conversation, screaming at cold lake water, and eating tasty snacks.

2. Yoga on Tuesday nights and the long talks that always result afterward.

3. Zipping up a skirt that didn't fit a while ago. . .

4. Sticking to my no-pop (soda to most of y'all) decision. I still miss pop, EVERYSINGLEWAKINGMOMENT, but my stomach appreciates it and ... amazingly, I'm even more energetic.

5. Sobe Lifewater, Blackberry Grape flavor.

6. Catching up with a childhood friend today over lunch. It was fun and easy and looking forward to doing it again.

7. Realizing that I have learned something lately.

On the other hand. I still miss Michael.

flying friendly skies, finally

That's right people, I am my own comic book character. Art done by William, taken from a photo he loves of me (I cannot figure out why he likes it so much.) Nonetheless, I love the comic book look he did to it. :)

And I deserve it today, people. I deserve to feel like a comic book character. Yesterday, my sister called me in a panic. Apparently ATA airlines had gone of out of business, suddenly and abruptly, leaving ticketholders stranded. I put two and two together pretty quickly . . . "Who's on ATA?" I ask. We leave in like . . . 50 days.

"Mom, Dad, Grandma, Chris, and Sarah," she says, effectively naming off all my immediate family besides her and her family.
I said something along the lines of "You have to be kidding me."

"I can't get a hold of Chris," she said. "I don't know if they know yet." (Chris is my brother; Sarah is his girlfriend; they booked their tix on the same flight but separately from my parents and grandma.)

Luckily I was on the way to my parents house as we spoke, so I arrived in a panic and immediately logged on to the grand ol' interwebs. My family was scheduled to fly the first leg through Northwest, then transfer to ATA for the rest. If that was the case, the website said, call the first airline you booked with.

I get on the phone with Northwest, expecting the worst.

I explain what has happened to the woman on the phone (the very nice, super accommodating, woman of my year hero). She puts me on hold and is gone for at least 20 minutes. My level of freaked-outed-ness is rising with every moment that passes.
She returns.

"We can refund your money entirely (whew, that's a relief, at least it won't all be lost, I'm thinking), or we can offer you seats on a different flight, but it will [effectively double] the cost," she says.

"Double?" I say, scared.

My mom says, "Take the refund."

I'm too scared to take the refund—what if we don't find seats later? What if they get even MORE expensive? But I grudgingly say, "I guess we'll take the refund."

I can't remember if this was the point where I mentioned something about it being my wedding yet or not. I think maybe not. Maybe it was the tone of my voice. She says "OK, let me start the process. I have to put you on hold."

Another 20 minutes passes. Now I'm really nervous. What is taking so long?

She returns. "OK, actually, I can get the three people on the flight for the lowest price. So that means status quo. But that might change in the next five minutes, so you have to decide now."

"OH MY GOD! You mean like no charges no nothing, same price, done deal?" I ask.

"Yes," she says.

"Oh my God, thank you so much, this is for my wedding and is like my whole immediate family and yes we'll take the deal, oh my god, thank you so much," I realize at this point I'm gushing like an idiot and having one of those bridal moments, but I don't even care.

"Oh congratulations!" she says, her voice warming over the phone. "How exciting! I'm so glad I double checked some things!"

"Oh wait," I say. "There's one problem. My brother and his girlfriend are also on this flight and I want them to be able to get the same deal but they booked separately . . . is there .... any . . . any chance at all that could happen?"

I'm figuring flat "No" at this point since security and all and I don't have their flight info or credit card or even if they know what's HAPPENED yet.

I start furiously texting Sarah as she puts me on hold yet again to check on the possibility.

She comes back, as I'm getting a text from Sarah, who's a little confused but hanging with my hastily typed (misspelled, vague) texts anyway.

"Well, ma'am, we'd love to, but they've already been issued a refund for their tickets."

Nooooooooooo.....

"Well, um, I KNOW that they would want this deal," I say, praying they haven't rebooked elsewhere yet. "I just KNOW." She puts me on hold again.

Minutes pass. I hear about the frequent flyer miles program for the eleventy millionth time.

She returns, "Ok ma'am, I think we can do that. Just hang on here while we transfer all this around." Then, a few moments later, "Ok, you can check out your itinerary online already, everything is all fixed up for you."

I fall all over myself thanking her for her help and the awesome rates and all that.

She cuts me off.

"I'm glad I could help! Now, are you getting married on the beach?"

The wedding privilege has kicked in, people. I swear that was the key. I honestly just mentioned it, not trying to get any special deals. But how else can you explain her letting me change someone ELSE'S flight, after they credited a significant sum back on their credit card? With airport security issues? And all she really wanted to know was the details of the wedding.

Aw, yeah. The wedding card got whipped out!

In other news, I saw Jessie Spano on the Today show the other day, and m'lawdy, she's had Botox! Talk about permanent surprise, but otherwise total lack of facial expression.

First bridal shower is tomorrow with my future mother-in-law! I'm excited!

Four freelance jobs lined up that should take me through this month, so that's good news, too. They're all things from people I know or had connections to, so we'll see what happens with cold applications and pitches and the like. That will be a big moment for me, if it happens.

And it's gonna be 58 degrees today! Nice way to head into a weekend, despite my blinding headache, second day running. I actually had those floaty stars yesterday and couldn't look at my computer. It was crazy.