Seriously? I haven't been blogging, because honestly, my life is consumed with what I'm eating, when I'm eating it, how I'm eating, recording what I'm eating, panicking because my stomach suddenly hurts, rejoicing because it doesn't hurt, oh yes wait a second, it hurts.
Honestly, it's making me super crabby and depressed. I want my stomach back. I want to eat normal food. I want to not have headaches because I'm so hungry. I want to stop craving steaks and hamburgers and spinach (think I'm a little low on iron?).
I want to go to work and feel good all day. I want to feel good when I come home. I want to eat normal lunch and normal dinner. I take pretty good care of myself. I eat right, I'm starting to exercise more, I get enough sleep. I'm 27. This shouldn't be happening. It's like waking up every morning to a little slice of internal hell.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Weekend Update
Despite my feeling very crappy for the last, oh, seven or so days, I did have a few highs this weekend.
Friday night: eating spectacular tom yum soup from our favorite Thai place and not getting sick. Watching movies—yes, you can rent them for $1 a night at McDonald's and some grocery stores, for those of you who asked the last time—with my honey, on the couch. (Saw: Sex and the City, Leatherheads, Forgetting Sarah Marshall).
Saturday: learning the art of bellydancing for an hour and a half with my sister. It's hard! We giggle a lot. Still, I feel I get a good workout, hear fun middle eastern club music, and I think I do feel better afterward. Hips are so sore.
A beautiful wedding of some friends. So sophisticated with champagne and cream colors everywhere. A fun couple with great taste. Outside on the Mississippi just a few blocks from our home. I was so happy for them. And it was a little reminder of where I was four months ago.
Then, a be-still-my-heart moment: A night with Liz Phair...where she performed the entirety of Exile in Guyville in order, plus an encore of a new song, Chopsticks, May Queen, Polyester Bride. I know I've written about how I've met Liz before, and how much I love her, but this was like the concert of my life. Exile in Guyville is my favorite album of all time. I can listen to it in any mood. It understands me. When I'm feeling lonely, sad, happy, frustrated, elated, angry, moody, thoughtful, or content, it speaks to me. Fatty and I had great sightlines, very close. It makes my heart so big that she decided to do this tour, 15 years after the album was being released. I'm still having trouble putting it into words. I had a big dumb smile on my face all night, I rocked out. After a long, shitty week, it was a welcome, needed, and loved couple of hours.
Today: running errands with a friend, having a gift card to the bookstore (bought: The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, Helter Skelter by Vincent Bugliosi, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz), Simply Orange and waffles with my honey, making a "real" dinner, as William called it: meatloaf, roasted potatoes, and squash. And it tasted like the best thing ever. And it agreed with me.
Bonus: fall clothes, getting rolled out! I was hoping that there would be some things packed away I'd forgotten about, but was a little bummed to find that's not the case. Sad day! But hooray for scarves and skinny jeans with tall boots.
Friday night: eating spectacular tom yum soup from our favorite Thai place and not getting sick. Watching movies—yes, you can rent them for $1 a night at McDonald's and some grocery stores, for those of you who asked the last time—with my honey, on the couch. (Saw: Sex and the City, Leatherheads, Forgetting Sarah Marshall).
Saturday: learning the art of bellydancing for an hour and a half with my sister. It's hard! We giggle a lot. Still, I feel I get a good workout, hear fun middle eastern club music, and I think I do feel better afterward. Hips are so sore.
A beautiful wedding of some friends. So sophisticated with champagne and cream colors everywhere. A fun couple with great taste. Outside on the Mississippi just a few blocks from our home. I was so happy for them. And it was a little reminder of where I was four months ago.
Then, a be-still-my-heart moment: A night with Liz Phair...where she performed the entirety of Exile in Guyville in order, plus an encore of a new song, Chopsticks, May Queen, Polyester Bride. I know I've written about how I've met Liz before, and how much I love her, but this was like the concert of my life. Exile in Guyville is my favorite album of all time. I can listen to it in any mood. It understands me. When I'm feeling lonely, sad, happy, frustrated, elated, angry, moody, thoughtful, or content, it speaks to me. Fatty and I had great sightlines, very close. It makes my heart so big that she decided to do this tour, 15 years after the album was being released. I'm still having trouble putting it into words. I had a big dumb smile on my face all night, I rocked out. After a long, shitty week, it was a welcome, needed, and loved couple of hours.
Today: running errands with a friend, having a gift card to the bookstore (bought: The Wind Up Bird Chronicle by Haruki Murakami, Helter Skelter by Vincent Bugliosi, The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao by Junot Diaz), Simply Orange and waffles with my honey, making a "real" dinner, as William called it: meatloaf, roasted potatoes, and squash. And it tasted like the best thing ever. And it agreed with me.
Bonus: fall clothes, getting rolled out! I was hoping that there would be some things packed away I'd forgotten about, but was a little bummed to find that's not the case. Sad day! But hooray for scarves and skinny jeans with tall boots.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Doggone Right
I have to go there on the politics.
She winked into the camera.
She called the average guy "Joe Six Pack"
She insulted teachers who are working their asses off to make education decent for kids.
She talked about energy and education when the topics were mortgages and foreign policy.
She used the "I have a [friend], so I'm tolerant and diverse" sentence.
Any time she deviated from her script she had to wink into the camera and use her little colloqualisms--doggone, heckuva, you betcha. when the questions called for an answer she hadn't been provided with, she just ranted on whatever she had information for.
Then there was the defiant "I may not answer your question, but I'm gonna talk straight to the American people." Well excuse me, this is a DEBATE with TOPICS.
Folksy neighbors with their silly talk and run-on sentences are fine at HOME. I don't want one representing the USA. In charge of the country that I love. I don't want to have a beer with my elected officials. I don't want to go to a hockey game with them. I want them to be smarter than me, make better decisions than I can. I want them to be a representative of our ideals and people, yes, but smooth, sophisticated, prepared.
Some pundits are saying she could have won. How is that even possible? Am I living in an alternate universe? Is there something I don't understand here?
I have a stomachache of a different kind tonight. Serious.
PS: How is not going down in flames the new standard for success? And since when is coming prepared with facts and numbers seen as negative? Since when have we wanted vote for the lowest common denominator? OHMYGOD.
PPS: NSFW language, possibly. Found this via Free and Flawed: Hey There Sarah Palin
She winked into the camera.
She called the average guy "Joe Six Pack"
She insulted teachers who are working their asses off to make education decent for kids.
She talked about energy and education when the topics were mortgages and foreign policy.
She used the "I have a [friend], so I'm tolerant and diverse" sentence.
Any time she deviated from her script she had to wink into the camera and use her little colloqualisms--doggone, heckuva, you betcha. when the questions called for an answer she hadn't been provided with, she just ranted on whatever she had information for.
Then there was the defiant "I may not answer your question, but I'm gonna talk straight to the American people." Well excuse me, this is a DEBATE with TOPICS.
Folksy neighbors with their silly talk and run-on sentences are fine at HOME. I don't want one representing the USA. In charge of the country that I love. I don't want to have a beer with my elected officials. I don't want to go to a hockey game with them. I want them to be smarter than me, make better decisions than I can. I want them to be a representative of our ideals and people, yes, but smooth, sophisticated, prepared.
Some pundits are saying she could have won. How is that even possible? Am I living in an alternate universe? Is there something I don't understand here?
I have a stomachache of a different kind tonight. Serious.
PS: How is not going down in flames the new standard for success? And since when is coming prepared with facts and numbers seen as negative? Since when have we wanted vote for the lowest common denominator? OHMYGOD.
PPS: NSFW language, possibly. Found this via Free and Flawed: Hey There Sarah Palin
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Eating
...is so good. I ate chicken and squash. And it's so good.
Yes, that is the sum total of my past few days.
That is all.
Yes, that is the sum total of my past few days.
That is all.
Activia!
Seeing a specialist, probably next week, at the soonest. Until then, eat Activia every day, he says. Activia! Sing it with me, now. Maybe avoid dairy for a couple of days.....uh, I really hope it's not dairy. If it is, I'm screwed. I love dairy foods. You will witness a meltdown.
I don't feel great today, but maybe more stable. But I have eaten nearly nothing, though. Two pieces of toast with raspberry jam. it's 1:30 pm. I am starving. There is NOTHING good on TV, day blurs into afternoon, I'm not feeling good enough to do much (or at least I don't have the energy to do much since I'm not eating), but I'm antsy.
This is honestly depressing. I feel like crap, I can't eat, when I do eat, I feel like more crap, I can't go anywhere, TV sucks, I have not seen people socially for days. I don't even have anything to talk about. Kill me now.
I don't feel great today, but maybe more stable. But I have eaten nearly nothing, though. Two pieces of toast with raspberry jam. it's 1:30 pm. I am starving. There is NOTHING good on TV, day blurs into afternoon, I'm not feeling good enough to do much (or at least I don't have the energy to do much since I'm not eating), but I'm antsy.
This is honestly depressing. I feel like crap, I can't eat, when I do eat, I feel like more crap, I can't go anywhere, TV sucks, I have not seen people socially for days. I don't even have anything to talk about. Kill me now.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Stomachaches, Part II
I was FINALLY feeling better yesterday. I didn't eat much but what i did eat agreed with me. I even had a normal dinner—salmon, mashed potatoes, broccoli. Felt very full, but good, all night. Woke up this morning, felt fine. Took shower, felt fine. Got out of shower--whammo--not so fine.
It was an awful 20 minutes or so, where I seriously thought, OK, something is really really wrong here.
I have felt semi-OK the rest of the day. I managed to eat Malt O Meal and tomato soup.
Tomorrow is an all day convention-type thing for work. I'm not sure if I'll make it. I'm waiting to hear from a doctor on an appointment. Meanwhile, I did some reading on IBS. Woww. Yep.
Anyone have any hints or suggestions from people they know who have it?
It was an awful 20 minutes or so, where I seriously thought, OK, something is really really wrong here.
I have felt semi-OK the rest of the day. I managed to eat Malt O Meal and tomato soup.
Tomorrow is an all day convention-type thing for work. I'm not sure if I'll make it. I'm waiting to hear from a doctor on an appointment. Meanwhile, I did some reading on IBS. Woww. Yep.
Anyone have any hints or suggestions from people they know who have it?
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Stomachaches, an FAQ
I have had them for as long as I can remember.
There's no pattern. It goes in phases. There seem to be no specific triggers, and I'm pretty much an expert on my own stomach, thanks.
No, it doesn't seem to be carbs, although I avoid some of them, like pasta, because that does seem to sometimes, but not always, make it worse.
No, I am most definitely not lactose intolerant.
Yes, I have tried every single over-the-counter stomach aid out there.
Yes, some of them I put in my car, my purse, my desk at work, everywhere I can think of, because I'm honestly afraid of having some kind of attack when I'm out.
Yes, I change my routines in case my stomach revolts.
Yes, I go home early or stay home altogether because of it sometimes.
No, I'm not very adventurous in my lifestyle as a result. You wouldn't be, either. Trust me. (Although I love all kinds of food and deeply indulge when I'm feeling good.)
Yes, I've just started taking yoga.
Yes, I'm considering acupuncture to see if it helps.
Yes, I sleep as much as I can/should.
Yes, stress seems to play a factor, but doesn't seem to be the only thing.
I have been home all weekend, quarantined because of intestine-twisting, blinding, intermittent cramps and the fact that every time something, anything goes in my mouth, I pay the price. I'm hungry and I'm frustrated and I'm crabby and I JUST WANT THIS TO STOP so I can be a NORMAL PERSON.
There's no pattern. It goes in phases. There seem to be no specific triggers, and I'm pretty much an expert on my own stomach, thanks.
No, it doesn't seem to be carbs, although I avoid some of them, like pasta, because that does seem to sometimes, but not always, make it worse.
No, I am most definitely not lactose intolerant.
Yes, I have tried every single over-the-counter stomach aid out there.
Yes, some of them I put in my car, my purse, my desk at work, everywhere I can think of, because I'm honestly afraid of having some kind of attack when I'm out.
Yes, I change my routines in case my stomach revolts.
Yes, I go home early or stay home altogether because of it sometimes.
No, I'm not very adventurous in my lifestyle as a result. You wouldn't be, either. Trust me. (Although I love all kinds of food and deeply indulge when I'm feeling good.)
Yes, I've just started taking yoga.
Yes, I'm considering acupuncture to see if it helps.
Yes, I sleep as much as I can/should.
Yes, stress seems to play a factor, but doesn't seem to be the only thing.
I have been home all weekend, quarantined because of intestine-twisting, blinding, intermittent cramps and the fact that every time something, anything goes in my mouth, I pay the price. I'm hungry and I'm frustrated and I'm crabby and I JUST WANT THIS TO STOP so I can be a NORMAL PERSON.
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