matters of the heart

so, our lil mo went to the vet on saturday to brave her yearly shots and exam. she was a trooper, even if mama was not.
i maybe should have known when the vet took an extra long time to listen to her heart. after all, i did notice it took her an extra long time.
after doing all the other stuff—shots, prodding, talking. . . the vet told me that mo has developed a heart murmur. really, i know that heart murmurs can be ok and nothing happens for a long time, if ever. and it's not like she's showing symptoms--no unusual amount of lethargy or breathing heavily that is out of character(she's a snuffly, snorty sort naturally). .. of course my worried mind says that it's a symptom.
but the vet explained that for many of her breed, they are fine for years, but can progress into congenital heart failure...that the valve that is not properly closing in her heart (which makes the murmur-whooshing sound) can eventually fail, which leaks fluid into the lungs. this can often be treated with drugs. some though, fail rapidly after the murmur is detected.
she's supposed to have an ultrasound but people around me are talking me out of it. supposedly it's not THAT big a deal, and it won't reveal much more than they are 90 percent sure they already know. and most likely, they wouldn't even medicate her if that was the case, since it's early stages. it's very expensive for the ultrasound.
as if you haven't figured out things are slightly tight around here for the wedding, so it's an extra stress we're hoping to be able to put off for awhile.
now i know you science and nursing experts reading this are shaking your heads, thinking it's not a big deal and everythign will be fine for now. and it probably isn't and will be. but i am a worrier, it's my job. and mo is my little fur-baby. so i'm going to worry. but i will also think happy little heart-health thoughts for her.
i knew when we adopted mo that we had no idea where she came from, what kind of care she got, or how long that we would have her (she just celebrated her 9th--we think--birthday with some chicken and a new furry toy). but she is a small breed and 9 really isn't that old. i knew that i would have to prepare myself for health problems and aging from the moment we brought her home. i thought her first brush with death--smack dab in the middle of the animal food-poisoning scare last year around this time--she had put in her dues. the emergency vet had told us that night that she could be having multiple organ failure. but she made it! i figured that had ot be it for the rest of ever. you don't get a horrible life and health problems, only to have things look up and then get something else. it's just not fair.
it's not fair that animals have to suffer. all dogs do is love, and love, and love--sometimes to the point where you want to ring their little necks because they get underfoot, put their paws on your laptop, follow you into the bathroom while you pee. but even if you get mad, or in molly's case, even if you put her in the dreaded kennel and leave her alone, she always wags her tail when she sees you again, a completely fresh start.
if i cry, molly is on my lap, rolling on her back, tossing her paws in the air, trying to look cute and be a distraction. never one to lick faces, she licks the tears off and affects her most muppety poses to elicit a giggle. if i yell, she takes my side, back to me, defending me. if i laugh, she wags her tail. if i screw up as a dog mom, she forgives me. (i consequently look the other way sometimes when she pulls kleenex and toilet paper out of the bathroom garbage). or when i sneak her an extra treat because she's just a good friend.
it's astounding how quickly a little furry heart becomes such a huge part of your life, worms it's little way in, with a little head-butt under your hand for a pet, trains those sad brown eyes on you when ice cream is present. (life is too short not to give her a lick.)
so....
i go up and down, worried sick and happy we've had the joy to bring her home with u, to sure that nothing will happen...after all i didn't know before i brought her in for a routine checkup. funny how your expectations are... you think "rabies shot" and the vet says "heart problem". and i don't mean to sound doomsday. i'm sure mo will chug right along through her life, whatever it brings her. i just hope we make the right decisions and mo stays healthy and happy and knows that many people love her very, very much, most of all, her human mama and dad.

ps. it frightens me, and william, how much we are like jon and kate on jon and kate plus 8.