Range of Motion

Every day lately has been about how to get everything possible done and understood and taken care of. Details, details, details. Confusing forms. Deadlines. Putting trust in people I've never seen before. Confusing phone calls. Decisions upon decisions upon decisions.

Do you ever get to the point where you're like, I cannot make ONE MORE decision? I have this limit. A few nights ago, I was heading home late after a long talk with my mom and realized...we probably had nothing for dinner. So I called Wm, and asked what we should do. We started to play the "I don't know ... what do you want to do?" game. Normally, one of us would volunteer something and we'd go with it and move on. But instead, I forcefully said "I cannot decide. Please just decide for me." Then he did, I disagreed, and went ahead and decided anyway.

But that's kinda where I am at. I have roiling in my stomach, in my heart, in my mind. Everything feels locked up and storming.

Of course, this is all exacerbated by the lack of sleep these days. It's a mix of being uncomfortable and muscle aches, not being able to breathe, and all this roiling. And then the not-sleep feeds into more roiling. A gross cycle to be sure.

Tonight was the first night in a couple of weeks that I decided to trust that my body was healing. I went to the gym and did yoga.

Here's what surprised me. Some things were as though nothing had changed. My muscles remembered and didn't fight me. I sunk right into it. I felt my mind clear, my lungs lighten, my circulation moving. Everything just feels... mostly right again.

But.

My range of motion with my arms? Not what it was pre-accident. I didn't push it, but I was surprised when reaching my arm up and over my head ... just didn't go. Or when I brought my arms behind my back and they just. Didn't. Want. To.

I have been coming to terms with the fact that yes, I walked away from my accident and nothing serious is wrong with me. But that also, that was a really, really close call. And ... I'm not quite better yet. And I'm kind of like, come on, body! Stop betraying me and get better!

But I'll tell you what. My dancer's pose is looking pretty sharp. And when I can unburden myself of all these forms and information and insurance—all the buzzy noises in my life right now—I can still find a small piece of inner calm. And I'm willing to reach for more.

And in a couple short weeks, I'll be far, far away. Hopefully closer to 100 percent than I am today. Reaching, reaching, reaching. Awesome.

Stress Level: Orange

Hi.

I have been away for the following reasons:

1. I am buried in bureaucratic paperwork due to having a totaled car. (Once again, thanks dude, for totaling a car that I owed $560 on.)
2. I am running around like crazy makin' the copies and signing papers and not sure if I'm signing my life away or just getting money for my car.
3. I had a wicked reaction to travel vaccinations, two days with fever and chills and vomitous feelings.
4. On the heels of that, I developed a nice head cold (time to haul out the Neti pot).
5. I'm fitting in regular chiro appointments, work, regular errands, general Mo-chauffeuring... and no exercise yet.
6. I have slept like crap for about, oh, wait, 14 days.
7. Oh, that's right, I have a rental car 'til Monday, won't have a check for my car 'til end of next week if I'm lucky, and car dealerships close early on Fridays and aren't open on Sundays in good ol' MN.
8. So, lessee: Hurt, sick, sick, paperwork I don't understand, no sleep....

I'm kinda freaking out.

Want to help me?
I'm doing online research about cars.

Please answer the following:

What kind of car do you drive?
Do you like it? Why?
Is there anything you'd change about it? What?
Do you hate it? Why?
What would you do differently/would you buy the same car again?
Are you a new or "pre-owned" person? Why?

Things That Made My Day

First:
From Cheryl, a person that I've known since high school, and we've reconnected online (sometimes the internet really can be a wonderful, wonderful place, can't it?):

Cheryl is funny, kind, a responsive reader (we all love comments, don't we?), honest, and creative. If you haven't checked her out before, you should.

Some bloggers that make my day?
I"m going to have to say Doahleigh, MarisKris, WeezerMonkey, Nanette, and Wan! All these ladies are just fun, funny, smart, gorgeous, and genuinely good people....and how many people do you know you can say that about? They lighten my mood, offer advice and support, are always up to good adventures, and I've come to call them friends over the blogging adventure. They are wonderful for many reasons. Recent example: It's not often you hear someone say something nice behind your back. Bbut the other day I clicked on Cheryl's comments, and Nanette had commented, and said she was jealous we knew each other! It made my day that someone would say that. Nanette, I'll come babysit!

But that's just one example among many, many, many.

Other thing that made my day: Dooce's post today. Consider this piece of stunning Prince genius. I could listen to him sing the phone book. Creep, as done by Prince. Just too good. Tooooooo good. Reminds me of the last time I saw him though I didn't get to hear this gem. It won't let embed this for some reason... that is not making my day.

Ok, back to work.

Full Time Freaking Out

Yesterday was 30 days until our ceremony date. We'll be in Hawaii in less than 25 days now.

I have more than enough work to keep me busy for many, many extra hours this week. I spent most of the weekend working.

My bank account is nearly empty; freelancing is great, but although you work, work, work, there's no check, check, check until publication or acceptance of the story. Once I get into a rhythm, I know I'll be ok, but I am broke right now.

Less than two months until our reception.

Oh, so much to do, so little time. I didn't sleep last night.