living in sin

when william and i moved in together, i had no idea what my parents were going to say.
actually, back up. before that happened, william mentioned to me that he would like to buy a place. we were both living with our parents—we had both moved back home to save some money to figure out our next move after college. he talked of buying a loft, which, at the time, i had never considered that i would be living there. i said, "go for it!"
william says he never questioned asking me to move in with him. he calls it a "weird sense of security. i just knew." so a couple weeks later, he 'asked' me to move in with him. i believe the wording was "i want to buy a place and i need a roommate and that roommate should be you." it wasn't a big question, and it wasn't a demand. it was somewhere in between, not unlike him asking me out on our first date. ("And when you get back from your cabin, we will have dinner.")
this is one in a series of big decisions where, I, usually a more decisive type, and he, less so--reversed roles. i said yes, but i did have my worries. i would lose my privacy. were we ready? it hadn't been that long that we'd been dating. we'd only been together about six months or so. i had always imagined i'd date longer than that before making such a commitment. because i knew that was what it was—a pretty serious commitment. i knew enough to know that william was a pretty serious guy about these types of situations, and i knew how i felt (see previous entry if you have questions on that.) but still... was it right? and what were my parents going to say? i had a feeling they would not be happy. and then, what about giving up living with my girlfriends? sure, we hadn't lived together for a couple years, but I had always thought we'd move back in together eventually, once we got our bearings in the real world.
william and i started hunting for places. i was pretty dead set against a loft when we started, specifically because i wanted a separate bedroom. i could not understand how people lived like that. i always had my own room, could always shut the door. what if we just needed time alone or wanted to make a private phone call? they seemed kind of cold, too.
but i was soon sucked into the romance of the loft. after seeing a few places all decked out, i relented happily. we bought a place in March of 2006.
then i found out my dad had lung cancer. how could i jump ship now? i'd been living at home for so long, maybe i should just stay. or maybe william should move in to the loft and i could eventually follow. what if my dad got really sick? what if my mom needed help? what if they just needed emotional support?
before i found out my dad was sick, i asked my mom if she'd mind that i moved in with william. we were in my hyundai, i believe driving north on 35E, headed to rosedale. i didn't look at her, partially becuase i was afraid of her reaction, partially since i was driving.
"i don't care," she said, simply.
I was shocked. my mother went to catholic school and made us go to church until we were confirmed, where i then promptly divorced myself from the whole church thing. just wasn't for me. although my parents are liberal in many ways, i had automatically assumed they would hold a rather traditional view of this. "really?" i managed to squeak.
"really. if you're talking morally, i think it would be stupid to hide behind the religious thing. people use that to front for what they just personoally think. id on't have a personal problem with you moving in with him." she did caution that maybe it would prolong a proposal, but i really felt strongly at the time that if we moved in together it wouldn't be one of those seven-year live-in situations...william's too straightforward.
as all my dad's surgery/healing/appointments went on, they assured me they didn't see it as jumping ship that i'd be moving out. i still felt guilty. call it the leftovers of the catholic education.
in any case, there was some remodeling to do when we moved in together, so it wasn't until april that we actually unpacked boxes and unwrapped our new tan suede couch. my brother had some time off since my dad was in the hospital, so as a housewarming present, he painted.
my friends either said they all expected it, or at least their reactions to us moving in were nonchalant enough to suggest that. most expected us to also get engaged quickly. i don't know how i remained so in the dark about it for so long...
in any case, the only person who may have possibly suggested our "taboo" living arrangements--and even that may be unfair to say--was william's darling grandma, Betty.
right around christmas time, she was making out her cards, and she called william's mom (who was the one to relate this story to me later).
"I'm making Christmas cards and wanted to know if I should put Katie's name on the envelope," she says.
william's mom replies, "Sure, why wouldn't you?"
Grandma Betty replies, "Because then THEY WILL KNOW that I KNOW that they live together!"
when william's mom told me this, I burst into laughter, not knowing if that was an appropriate reaction or not.
I managed to sputter, "It's not a secret!'
and luckily, william's mom said, giggling, "That's what I told her!"
a week or so later, there was a card in our mailbox, addressed to both me and william.
inside it said something along the lines of "merry christmas"....etc., etc.... "love you. God bless you".
so I guess we're even OK with Grandma Betty—we even got a blessing. and she's up on her catholic education.
all doubts were definitely erased after that.